


If You Ever Trusted Me

by IhaveAbadfeelingAboutThis



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Infidelity, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Smut, Teacher-Student Relationship, World War I, kind of, not exactly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:08:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 42,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21774481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IhaveAbadfeelingAboutThis/pseuds/IhaveAbadfeelingAboutThis
Summary: For years, Theseus trusted Albus. Until he didn't.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald (background), Albus Dumbledore/Theseus Scamander, Leta Lestrange/Theseus Scamander
Comments: 115
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gellert gets his first mention in Chapter Seven, but he and his relationship with Albus over the Summer of 1899 shape the events of the early chapters implicitly, and he, his relationship with Albus, and the Blood Pact are an explicit influence on all of the following chapters.

Chapter One  
May 1906

“Theseus? A word?” Professor Dumbledore spoke just loudly enough for Theseus to hear as he passed the professor’s desk at the end of class. He stopped and told a couple of friends that he would meet them in the next class. When the classroom had cleared, Professor Dumbledore closed the door with a wave of his hand.

“I understand that you are planning to go into Auror training.”  
“Yes,” Theseus answered. Professor Dumbledore had given him good marks. Did he not think that Theseus would score high enough on his NEWTS?  
“I would like you to consider putting that off long enough to get your Mastery in Defence. You are an exceptional student.”  
Theseus laughed. “Excuse me for saying so, sir, but your experience is sufficiently limited that I’m not sure how flattered I should be.”

The young professor blushed. Theseus realized he didn’t know how old Professor Dumbledore was exactly, but he couldn’t be much older than Theseus. Probably it had been rude to draw attention to what a short time he had been teaching. But it seemed that apologizing now would just make it worse.

Professor Dumbledore cleared his throat. “It is true that I have only been a professor for two years. But I know intelligence when I see it. You have been ready for more advanced work since I arrived here. I’d like to see you properly challenged. And I’d like to see what you could do in front of a classroom. You would help me with some of my research projects the first year, and the second year you would work on a project of your own. By the time you were done, you would have a Mastery, you would be published, you would have teaching and research experience. You could go on to Auror training afterwards, if you still wanted to. Or you could become a curse breaker, or teach, or…”

Theseus shifted on his feet. His professor was rambling. And still blushing. He was clearly nervous about something. Theseus didn’t know what Professor Dumbledore had to be nervous about. It was Theseus who was being asked to consider changing his plans for next year. Theseus who was getting a rather uncomfortable compliment – he was essentially being singled out as the best Defence student of his year. Of his year and the next year, assuming the professor wouldn’t take on two Mastery students at once.  
“Thanks, professor. That’s, umm, kind of you.”  
“Not at all, Theseus. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather work with.”

Theseus would just have to trust Professor Dumbledore on that one. That level of praise was honestly embarrassing.  
“I’ll consider it. But right now, I need to get to Potions.”  
“Of course, Theseus. You can come to my office if you have any questions.”  
Theseus had a lot of questions already. He wished he could stay and keep talking to Professor Dumbledore.

He couldn’t stop thinking about it as he walked to class. Professor Dumbledore was his favourite professor by far – he had been since he had arrived at the beginning of Theseus’ sixth year. He was electric – he just about set the room ablaze with his enthusiasm. The depth of his knowledge was astonishing, and he could quickly come up with solutions to any question a student raised, even when he clearly hadn’t even considered the matter before. He had a dark sense of humour, and was intriguingly difficult to get a laugh out of, though he smiled easily.

Theseus had spoken at such length about Professor Dumbledore’s classes that his friends had become annoyed with him. Now they would tease him – when one friend would say – just about anything – another would say, in a poor mimicry of Theseus’ voice, “You know what Professor Dumbledore says about that?”  
How could they not understand? Here was someone barely older than they were, and he was a complete genius. Lots of their professors were naturally talented in their subjects, but none of them explained what they were teaching in ways that everyone in their class could understand – until Professor Dumbledore.  
Now this person that Theseus had admired for almost two years was saying that he couldn’t think of anyone besides Theseus that he would rather work with – what would he tell his friends?

It didn’t matter. The one thing that had been making him unhappy about graduating from Hogwarts was never getting to learn from Professor Dumbledore again. It looked like –  
The Potions professor interrupted his musings. “Mr. Scamander!”  
“Yes! The answer is yes,” said Theseus. The class erupted into laughter.  
“I am fairly certain, Mr. Scamander, that ‘yes’ is not the ingredient I am looking for. 5 points from Hufflepuff for failing to pay attention.”

After class, walking to the Great Hall, his friends questioned him.  
“What happened in there? Potions is one of your best subjects!”  
“He was daydreaming about Dumbledore.”  
They all laughed. All but Theseus, because for once they were right.

*****

Professor Dumbledore was at the librarian’s desk. Theseus would never admit that he had known the moment the professor had walked in the door, because he had memorized the sound of his footsteps. Everyone’s footsteps sounded slightly different, and Theseus had a few committed to memory: his younger brother’s, two of his friends’, Professor Dumbledore’s. Which was perfectly natural – the man was always in motion in front of the classroom, and Theseus always sat at the front. The professor moved in a way that was both confident and graceful, and that was reflected in the sound of his footsteps. 

Theseus ignored the sound of Professor Dumbledore walking into the library, trying to concentrate instead on his notes. The first day of NEWTS was tomorrow, and this was the last chance to revise. Professor Dumbledore may have offered to supervise his mastery, but that could only happen if Theseus got an O on his Defence exam, and on at least 4 others. He needed to stay focused. 

It was more difficult now that Professor Dumbledore was speaking to the librarian. Even when speaking quietly, as he was now, it was hard to ignore how melodic, and yet authoritative his voice was. Theseus looked up. The librarian was handing the professor a stack of books. The professor was smiling at her – Theseus had always thought that Professor Dumbledore had a nice smile. Though he’d never told anyone he thought so – this was not the sort of thing one was supposed to say about another man. Not that Theseus understood why. Professor Dumbledore’s smile was objectively contagious – anyone could see that. 

Theseus noticed that Professor Dumbeldore was wearing wizarding robes over his suit. He didn’t wear robes in the classroom, but the rest of the time he did. Of course, Muggle clothing looked good on him, but he did wonder why he didn’t wear robes when teaching. Theseus wondered if it would be rude to ask him about that. He had moved on to noticing the professor’s auburn hair (and wishing that his was still long enough to wear back like that, but he had cut it short, anticipating joining the Auror corps), when Professor Dumbledore turned and looked at Theseus. Perhaps he shouldn’t have been staring? He was expecting the professor to – he didn’t know what he was expecting, but he definitely wasn’t expecting what happened next, which was Professor Dumbledore _winking at him_. What did that mean?

Theseus felt very strange – embarrassed and giddy and a bit nauseated all at the same time. He had not felt like that before, and he liked it, which was strange, too. He blushed and looked back down at his Defence textbook. He was studying Defence. Which was taught by – no – he was studying… charms. Yes, charms. Ok… He began shuffling papers aimlessly. He must look completely scatter-brained. 

He risked looking up, and Professor Dumbledore was gone. He was somehow disappointed and relieved at the same time. He had never felt relieved not to see the professor, but there was no time to examine that, or anything else that had happened in the past fifteen minutes. His Defence exam was going to be first thing in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two  
November 1906

Twenty five. That’s how old Albus was. Frankly, Theseus was surprised that someone that young was allowed to supervise Mastery candidates. But apparently Albus was widely published and well respected in the world outside of Hogwarts. Theseus hadn’t realized how well known Albus was, but he was gratified that other people appreciated him as much as Theseus did.

It wasn’t as strange as he thought it would be to be calling Professor Dumbledore ‘Albus’ – Albus had insisted on it when Theseus had started working with him. ‘You aren’t my student anymore. You are my apprentice. That is an entirely different sort of working relationship.’ 

It had been a little stranger being treated as an equal partner by Albus. Theseus had started off more than a bit starstruck in July, but before the school year had started, Theseus was already beginning to accept that he did have some things to contribute. Not just his questions and ideas for their research, but also in preparing for the school year. Theseus had strong opinions about the order in which things ought to be taught (the book, he contended, was abysmal). Albus had no patience for that sort of thing, preferring to think through the individual lessons themselves, and how best to engage individual students. Theseus had blushed when Albus thanked him and said that they made a good team.

They also practiced dueling together. Albus won most of the time, but as Theseus learned Albus' style, he began to win on occasion. This seemed to only happen when Albus was distracted by - Theseus didn't know what. He wondered if one day he might be able to beat Albus when he was paying attention.

By early October, Albus and Theseus had fallen into a weekday routine. In the morning, if the weather was good, they would go for a walk together on the grounds, discussing the upcoming day – which classes Theseus would be helping to teach, what he was planning to read, what they would be doing after dinner. After breakfast, Albus would teach and hold office hours, and whenever he was not with Albus, Theseus would read books and articles that might apply to Albus’ research projects, flagging the passages that seemed most relevant. 

Often, Albus was too busy to eat lunch at the faculty table, and would instead eat hurriedly alone at his desk while reviewing Theseus’ research and making notes. Albus had only one class after lunch each day, so that he could devote the afternoons to research and experimenting, and Theseus joined him at that time, usually. After dinner, they would usually grade papers, make lesson plans, or discuss ideas for Theseus’ research project. Sometimes they would duel or play Wizard's chess.

About halfway through November, Theseus felt comfortable enough to challenge Albus about his teaching style. It was after dinner, and they were setting up the classroom for the next day.  
Theseus leaned against Albus’ desk, watching him rearrange the desks for the third time.

“You are holding back, Albus. Your lectures are outstanding – no one at Hogwarts can truly illuminate an idea for a struggling student the way you do. And I admire your ability to encourage the students when they are putting these concepts into practice. You always seem to know who needs your attention most. But you rarely demonstrate any of these concepts yourself.”

Albus turned around to face Theseus, and gestured broadly at the desks that were still shifting. “The students are most important, Theseus. What I can do is unimportant.”  
“What you can do, Albus, is very important. The students do not even have a sense of what they are reaching for – what is possible. The glimpses I got of your magic in the classroom – it was clear that you were extraordinary – “

Albus snapped his fingers, and the desks stopped where they were – some of them frozen in mid-air.  
“I’m not interested in showing off, Theseus.”  
‘You just did,’ thought Theseus. Was Albus just so comfortable with Theseus that he used his magic naturally around him? Or was Albus interested in showing off _for him_? Theseus shook off that absurd notion. Albus couldn’t be expected _never_ to use his magic, and Theseus was with him almost all the time. That was all this was.

“I’m not suggesting you ‘show off.’ I’m suggesting that you give the students a sense of what is possible. The limits are beyond what they have imagined.”  
“They will just be frustrated when they can’t achieve that level of mastery.”

“Is that what you are afraid of? Or are you afraid of having their respect?”

Albus looked a bit angry, no – guarded.  
“Albus. You deserve this position. You deserve recognition for your work. And you deserve respect for what you are capable of.”  
Albus sighed.

“Fine. But only with a wand. No wandless magic in the classroom.”  
It felt like Albus was changing the subject, but as he was only changing it back to where they had started, and as Theseus had won his point, he was ready to let the deeper issue go.  
“Naturally no wandless magic. You wouldn’t want anyone to know _everything_ you are capable of.”  
“You do,” Albus said, looking at Theseus with an intensity that made him feel unsteady. His throat became tight and his mouth became dry, and he found that he was unable to look at Albus any longer.

“I – I’m sure that I don’t,” he said, stumbling over his words. “There’s so much, and I’ve only just begun –“  
“Theseus.”  
Theseus looked up, and found Albus standing much closer to him than he had expected him to be.  
Albus was looking at him strangely. Theseus was about ready to ask him what was wrong when Albus reached out and touched his face. Albus’ hand was warm, and Theseus began to feel lightheaded. Then Albus’ lips were on his and – was this allowed? Albus was – a man.

Theseus pulled back, startled. He had only ever kissed girls before. But this – Albus – no kiss had ever felt like this. Theseus was staring at Albus. Theseus had always noticed how handsome he was, but it had seemed abstract. Now… he looked at Albus’ lips. He knew what those lips felt like on his. There was nothing abstract about that. His knowledge of Albus’ body was becoming decidedly concrete. He shifted his gaze to Albus’ eyes, and noticed that he looked shocked and somewhat ashamed.  
“Theseus, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have –“

Theseus stopped Albus’ lips with his own, taking advantage of Albus’ already open mouth to gently explore with his tongue. Albus responded readily, wrapping his arms around Theseus and pulling him closer.  
“Don’t be sorry,” Theseus murmured. “I’m not.”  
“We shouldn’t,” said Albus, “I’m supposed to be –“

“You’re not my teacher anymore, Albus.”  
“I am, Theseus – I’m supervising your mastery.”  
“You said yourself that it is an entirely different kind of relationship. We are co-workers, every bit as much as you are my supervisor.”

“Perhaps, under these circumstances, we should find you someone else…”  
“I don’t want to work with anyone else, Albus. I suppose I could try not to kiss you again, but…”  
“I don’t know how we’re going to avoid it, as long as you keep wanting to. I have been wanting to do that for longer than I should have. And now…”  
And now. Theseus would never have thought of kissing a man, but now that he had… He needed Albus like he had never needed anyone before.

But suddenly he had another concern. “That’s not why you offered me the position, is it? I – my work was – “  
“Your work has always been exceptional, and I would not have been attracted to you in the first place if you were not so intelligent. And gorgeous. And intriguing. And intelligent. That bears saying twice.”

Albus – the most brilliant person he had ever met, thought he was intelligent. Albus thought he was gorgeous and Theseus… had been attracted to Albus all along. How had he not noticed? Was he breathing normally? It did not feel like he was breathing normally.  
Theseus pulled Albus in for another kiss. Now that he had kissed Albus the first time, he never wanted to stop.

“Theseus, are you sure you still want to work with me?”  
“We can do both, can’t we? This – us – this is not going to get in the way of our work?”  
Albus smiled broadly. “Besides tonight?”  
Yes, they were unlikely to get much work done tonight.

“Sometimes it is possible to do even better work when you are passionate about the person you are doing it with.”  
Passionate. Yes. Theseus had felt passionate about Albus for a long time, and he had always done his best work for him. Albus must be right about this, too. 

“Then of course we should keep working together,” said Theseus. “But not tonight.” And he kissed Albus again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - there's some spanking in this chapter, and some light dom/sub dynamics.  
> This is the only chapter with spanking, and there are very few where dom/sub appears, but I know this is something that some folks wish to avoid.
> 
> Also... this is the last low angst chapter until chapter six. FWIW

Chapter Three  
December 1907

“I’m not sure that we should be looking for lethifolds, Albus.”  
“No one is asking you to go with me Theseus. But I am going. No one has ever captured one before, and there’s so much we don’t know.”  
“There’s not enough time to get to New Guinea and back. The number of portkeys involved…”  
“We don’t have to go to New Guinea. They live in tropical places all over the world. They’ve been spotted in Africa – “  
“Africa’s a big place, Albus. Where in Africa?”  
Not that Theseus knew anything about Africa, particularly. He just wanted to know that Albus had a plan.  
“Congo. It’s only two hops. I’ve already made arrangements. And we have three weeks before classes start again.” 

Lethifolds. Theseus wondered, not for the first time, if Albus cared anything for his own life.  
“I’m not going to sit back and watch you endanger yourself like this.”  
Albus stood and slammed a hand on the desk. “You don’t own me, Theseus.”  
Theseus stopped cold. They were exclusive – weren’t they? They hadn’t been explicit about it, but surely… In any case, they were friends. They were co-workers. Theseus wasn’t claiming to own Albus – he just wanted him to think twice about his own safety. And Theseus had allowed himself to believe that he had more grounds than anyone else for asking for that consideration.  
“I’m not saying –“  
“There is nothing to stop me – nothing. I don’t have any responsibility to you or to anyone else.”  
Wait – what? That was – simply not true. On either count. Why was Albus blowing this all out of proportion?  
Albus started to walk towards his quarters, “We’re done for the night. I believe you have a room, little as you use it. I expect you to be in it by the time I return.”

Theseus did the only thing he knew to do. He stood, and said in a firm, not quite angry voice, “No.”  
Albus turned. Theseus pointed at the desk. “No, you can come right back here.”  
Albus raised an eyebrow, but didn’t move. “You don’t –“  
“No, I don’t own you. But I own your arse, and you will bring it back over here right now.”  
Albus smirked and started walking slowly towards the desk. When he was in reach, Theseus grabbed him and bent him over the desk.  
“Who owns your arse Albus? Say it.”  
“You do.”  
Theseus spanked Albus. “That is for walking away from me. Not that I didn’t enjoy the view.” Theseus spanked him again. “And that is for walking back so slowly.”

Theseus vanished their shoes. “Trousers off. And pants. The Muggle way.”  
Albus obeyed, and vanished his shirt as well. “I didn’t ask you to remove your shirt, Albus.”  
Theseus slapped his arse one more time, and Albus moaned.  
“Like that, do you?”  
“Please, Theseus –“

Theseus spoke a simple lubricating spell that Albus had taught him. He slowly pressed a finger in Albus’ arse, and licked a broad stripe up Albus’ back. He said quietly in his ear, “I may not have asked you to take off your shirt, but I’m not sorry that you did.”  
He put in a second finger and began gently stretching Albus. They might like playing a little rough sometimes, but he didn’t want to truly hurt him. Not ever.

When he felt Albus was ready, Theseus renewed the lubricating charm.  
“I want to hear you scream. And the only word to come out of your mouth had better be my name.”  
As Theseus entered Albus, Albus shouted “Theeee-seee-uuuus!”  
Theseus sucked on Albus’ shoulder, inhaled the scent of his neck. He loved this man, so much.  
One hand on the desk for balance, Theseus reached around with his other, and grabbed Albus’ cock.  
“I’m going to fuck you so hard that you are going to feel me all day tomorrow. Whenever you look at this desk you are going to think of me. I don’t own you? Fine. But I own your arse, and I own this desk.”  
“Theseus, please. Move.”

Theseus laughed. “Sure. Let’s pretend you’re in charge here.”  
Theseus moved so slowly Albus growled.  
“You did not specify, Love,” teased Theseus, nipping Albus’ neck. He would have to glamour that later.  
That Albus trusted Theseus to take charge of his body in this way… Theseus wondered sometimes how he had lived without this before.  
“I – can’t –“  
“Me neither,” confessed Theseus, and he began taking Albus hard and fast. All there was was his cock in Albus' arse, Albus' cock in his hand, the sound of Albus' ragged breathing and his moans. The smooth cool surface of the desk under his hand, contrasting with the heat surrounding his cock. He was lit up - he could not have described the feeling for all the world - only to say that he somehow had everything he needed and still needed more. 

*****

After they had cleaned up, Albus kissed Theseus, then smiled. “I’m still going after a lethifold.”  
Well, yes. That had been inevitable. All Theseus had hoped for was getting reinvited into Albus’ bedroom. Putting a stop to all of that ‘I have no responsibilities’ nonsense. It had become obvious that there would be no standing between Albus and this idiocy. Which meant that Theseus would be going too. And that he would probably be helping Albus smuggle a Class XXXXX Magical Creature into Britain. Theseus would be satisfied if he managed to persuade Albus not to keep it at Hogwarts.

“Tell me your plan, then,” Theseus said while looking for where he had thrown his trousers. Perhaps he had vanished them.  
“Lethifolds can be defeated with a Patronus.”  
“But doesn’t that kill them?”  
“No – well, yes – but not if they don’t touch it. So all you have to do is to not send it at them directly. I imagine they would avoid a Patronus, so with a few Patronuses at a bit of a distance, you could set up a perimeter that a Lethifold could not cross. Then you could… corral it.”

Ah. So Albus didn’t so much have a plan as a ‘plan.’  
“You’re going to herd it into a crate? Can’t they cross walls?”  
“Nobody knows!”  
“So how would you contain it?”  
“Well, I have a theory…”

Theseus rubbed his face with his hand. He should not find this insanity so attractive.  
“And what if I don’t have a Patronus?”  
They both knew he had a Patronus. Albus had been the one to teach Theseus how to cast one.  
“You’re coming?” Albus asked, delightedly.  
“Of course, I’m coming.”  
“Excellent! We leave in the morning. Perhaps you should go pack.”  
“I’m already packed,” Theseus confessed.

Albus looked stunned, but then began laughing. “You knew all along you were coming?”  
“I knew all along that there was no talking you out of it, so – yes.”  
“So when you said, ‘I’m not going to watch you’ blah blah blah…”  
“I had to put up a fight. Just so you’d know where I stand, Albus. I still think you’re crazy, but –“ 

But I love you. But I don’t want you going anywhere without me. But I want to be by your side if you are in danger…  
But… “It will be an adventure. Something we can laugh about together, afterwards. Assuming we make it back.”  
Albus’ eyes were bright with excitement and laughter. “Well, since you do not need to pack, let’s go back to my rooms. We can discuss how best to contain the lethifold.”

Theseus’ lip twitched. He was working out what ‘contain the lethifold’ might be a euphemism for, even knowing full well that the rest of their waking hours were going to be spent on Albus’ sofa literally planning how they would catch an honest to Merlin lethifold. 

Theseus loved evenings like this, Albus lying down with his head in Theseus’ lap, excitedly gesturing – drawing diagrams and calculations in the air with his hands. Theseus would ask questions, and challenge Albus’ assumptions, and make suggestions – and as he spoke, the figures in the air would change. And all the time, Theseus would be stroking Albus’ hair, and wishing that every evening of the rest of his life might be spent just this way.

Later that night, as he was falling asleep in Albus’ bed, Theseus heard him murmur, “There is nothing more dangerous than trusting someone else with your heart. Don’t trust me so much, Theseus Scamander.”  
Now Theseus was wide awake, but he kept his breathing steady, hoping to let Albus think he was sleeping.  
‘Don’t trust me with your heart?’ Surely Albus knew it was too late.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the pain train...

Chapter Four  
July-August 1908

Theseus could tell by the knock on the door that it was Albus. He didn’t move from the bookshelf, instead waving his wand to open the door. He turned to greet Albus, but Albus was not looking at him. He was watching the books moving off the shelf through the air and into Theseus’ open trunk.

“You’re leaving,” said Albus.  
“You knew I was moving out. I have my mastery now. It’s time for me to start Auror training. The Headmaster isn’t going to let me just keep my rooms here.”  
Albus walked over to the window and leaned against the wall, hands in his pockets.  
“I didn’t think that you’d be leaving so soon. My birthday is in four weeks. Maybe you could wait until afterwards?”

“Albus.” Theseus put a stop to the flying books, and walked over to his – what was he, exactly? He walked over to his Albus. “I thought that we’d talked about this. Auror training starts in two weeks.” Theseus moved to kiss Albus, but he dodged. Hmm.

“I am going to be here the evening of your birthday, though. And weekends. And –“  
“No, I wouldn’t want to be a distraction – we should probably – not see each other while you’re in training.”  
What?

“Albus. You are being unreasonable.”  
“It doesn’t make sense for us to – maybe this has run its course.”  
Theseus thought of the words he had never said. Would it be unfair to tell Albus now?  
“Just now, you were asking me to stay longer.”

Albus turned to look out the window.  
“Every time of year is beautiful here. It is remarkable.”  
Deflecting. Of course. But worse, it was done so blatantly that he _wanted_ for Theseus to know that he was avoiding the question.  
It had never occurred to Theseus that moving out of Hogwarts would mean ending things with Albus. And yet here Albus was, ending it while pretending to be indifferent to ending it. Or maybe he wasn’t pretending? Maybe he was just pretending not to know Theseus didn’t want to end it? What was happening?

“If I were staying –“  
“You’re not, though. So, it doesn’t do any good to speculate.”  
“I’m only changing the way I spend my days. There’s nothing stopping me from –“  
“No, Theseus. Let’s not pretend. It changes everything for you to leave.”  
Nothing to stop me from coming back every evening, Theseus would have continued, if Albus hadn’t cut him off. Nothing to stop me from waking up with you every morning. It really didn’t need to ‘change everything.’

“I’m not leaving, Albus. I’m just not living at Hogwarts any longer.”  
Albus glared at Theseus. “And how would you define leaving, then?”  
“Intending not to see you again.”  
“Fine, Theseus. Then I am the one leaving you, if it makes you feel better.”  
Feel better? It made him feel like someone had ripped out his entrails and read in them a catastrophic future.  
“Ok, Albus. If that’s what you want. Can we at least – we still have two more weeks.”  
“Do we? You’re packing now.”  
“Just my books. I never meant to move out until the very last minute. I want all the time I can get with you before my days start being the property of the DMLE.”

“I can’t, Theseus.“  
Theseus reached for Albus, but stopped just short of touching him.  
“Albus, please.” Please don’t shut me out. Please give us more time. Please just touch me. Please stop being a sulky idiot. Please let me explain that I’m _not going anywhere_.  
Albus stepped forward and wrapped one arm around Theseus, drawing him closer. He whispered in his ear, “I’m going to miss you, Theseus Scamander.” Then he let go and walked away, letting himself out of Theseus’ room and closing the door behind him.

*****

Theseus stayed the two weeks, going to meals every day, hoping that Albus would change his mind, but Albus didn’t even show up. Theseus didn’t know if he was still in the castle. He wasn’t sure if Albus was hoping to be pursued, but Theseus was not inclined to do that. Albus had said that he was done, and if Albus hadn’t meant it, then that was on Albus. If he wanted something different, he should have said so. Theseus was going to respect the words he had said, and not second guess what he might have meant instead.  
Or perhaps more accurately, he was not going to break himself any further with the delusion that Albus wanted something other than to cut Theseus off completely. Maybe Theseus had just been convenient for Albus. ‘Don’t trust me so much,’ Albus had said. And Theseus had – he had trusted Albus more than he should have. No, he would not lower himself to pursue someone who had said he was through.

Or that was Theseus’ intention. On the day before he was meant to leave, he found himself outside of Albus’ rooms. When Albus didn’t answer the door, he let himself in. Albus wasn’t home. Theseus waited in a chair by the fireplace. It was eleven when Albus returned to his room, smelling like alcohol and another man. He saw Theseus and startled. 

“Albus.” Theseus’ voice was hard.  
“Theseus – I –“  
“Thought you’d move right on before I’d even left?”  
“I was - consoling myself.”  
“Is that what they call it?”

“You are the one I want. Not anyone else.”  
What. The Actual. Fuck. Was that even true? Theseus examined the expression on Albus’ face. Grief. Shame. Yes, Albus still wanted him.  
“It’s a shame I didn’t think to get you drunk earlier so that you could tell me.”  
Albus pulled at his hair.  
“I’m an idiot.”  
“I should say so,” Theseus said softly. This mess was entirely of Albus’ own making, but Theseus wasn’t able to hold onto his anger. Albus had hurt himself as much as he had hurt Theseus, and now all Theseus wanted to do was somehow protect Albus – even knowing it was likely too late to save either of them.

“I – don’t want you to leave me.”  
“I’m not leaving you Albus. I’m just changing jobs. But I wouldn’t even have done that if you had just said something sooner. I’m contracted now. Magically bound. Two years of training, and one year of service as an Auror, at minimum. Unless I’m physically unfit. Care to permanently maim me?”  
“Not really.”  
“Good.”  
Though Theseus might have let him do it, at this point. The past two weeks had been so miserable – what was a foot, in the scheme of things?

Albus was still standing about five feet away, looking hesitant.  
Theseus stood and walked towards him. “You meant it? I’m the one that you want?”  
Theseus was the idiot in this scenario. Clearly. How long had it been since Albus had had another man’s cock in his mouth? An hour? Half an hour?

“Theseus – please? I’m sorry. So sorry. I need –“  
That was all Theseus need to hear. He began tearing off Albus’ clothes as he kissed him frantically.  
“I need you too. So much.”  
He sucked on Albus’ neck. It had been less than two weeks, and he had missed Albus so much. How was he going to go two years? 

Albus started walking him to the bedroom and pushed Theseus onto his bed.  
“What do you need, Albus?” Theseus asked, pulling Albus down on top of him.  
“Your cock! I need your cock – please –“  
“That depends, Albus. Am I going to find another man’s come leaking out of your arse?”  
Albus moaned regretfully.

“No – I didn’t want anyone’s cock in me but yours.”  
It was Theseus’ turn to moan.  
He reached for Albus, casting a lubrication charm. He was going to prepare Albus as quickly as he safely could, and then he was going to pin him down and show him what they had been missing.

*****

One of the benefits of being in Albus’ bed was that he was sure to still be there in the morning. He was already awake when Theseus woke up, but still in bed, clinging to Theseus as if he might float away otherwise. Theseus kissed him. He almost told Albus he loved him, but – he wasn’t sure such a confession would be welcome. Instead, he said, “I need you in my mouth.”

He pushed Albus on his back, and moved down between his legs. As he sucked Albus in deeper and deeper he wondered if Albus still intended for them to separate while Theseus was in training. He wondered what Albus’ real reasons were. He wondered if Albus would really miss him, or if he would go right back to picking up random men, like he had the night before. He wondered if Albus would find someone to replace him. He couldn’t focus on the feel of Albus’ cock in his mouth – he was too distracted by all of his musings on what it would mean if he was never going to have Albus this way again. Until Albus thrust deeper suddenly, and came down Theseus’ throat. There was little left to taste as Theseus pulled back, dragging Albus’ cock over his tongue. He held Albus in his mouth as he softened, not wanting to surrender him just yet. Finally, he let Albus’ cock slide out of his mouth. Theseus kissed it, then worked his way up, bathing Albus with his tongue, delaying the inevitable. Finally he reached Albus neck, his jaw, his mouth... 

“Tell me that wasn’t the last time.”  
Albus closed his eyes. “I haven’t lied to you before – I’m not going to start now.”  
“So it was.”  
“So – I don’t know whether it was or not. I still want you. But – I can’t – you’re going to be an Auror, Theseus, and I –“  
And Albus was constantly skirting the boundaries of the law. Not that Theseus hadn’t skated that line with him. Becoming an Auror wasn’t going to erase everything that he had done with Albus. It wasn’t going to change who he was. Who he loved.

“I understand.” Theseus lied, and kissed him. “The door’s always open, Albus. It always will be.”  
It was as close as he was going to get to making a declaration today.  
Theseus cleaned up, put back on his clothes, and went back to his room. It was time to leave.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chiara_Polairix recommended a song in the comments on the last chapter - so I invited her to make song recs in advance for chapters - for this one she suggests Fleetwood Mac's _Little Lies_

Chapter Five  
October 1910

“He was your student, Albus.”  
“That still doesn’t explain why you are questioning me. He had several other professors here as well.”  
“And none of them are Legilimens.”  
“I wouldn’t –“

Theseus looked at Albus sharply, cutting him short. They both knew that he did. He couldn’t help it. He had to _actively try_ not to.  
“Unofficially?”  
“Unofficially.”  
“He had certain... political beliefs. He often thought about Muggles being dangerous.”  
“Lots of Wizards think that.”  
“Perhaps so, but he had been in communication with like-minded Wizards in France who were interested in finding a 'solution' to the 'Muggle infestation.' They had suggested that he’d be most effective working for a newspaper or in the government on the Continent. ‘Britain is a lost cause,’ was apparently the sentiment.”

“And you didn’t speak to anyone about it?”  
“Unofficially, you mean? Because there was no legal way I could have known. And in any case, mere ideas are not a crime. Not yet, anyway – are they?”  
Theseus rolled his eyes. “You know they aren’t, Albus. Don’t be difficult. I had to ask. Just like I have to ask about the girl.”

“They were – involved. And she agreed with him. The idea that it was a kidnapping – her father is just trying to save her reputation, but I’ve no doubt that they intend to marry. I imagine they are married already. In the Muggle way, most likely, but married nonetheless.”  
“Ironic.”  
“Yes, expediency often trumps ideology.”  
Theseus grunted his assent. 

“That’s not why you’re here, though, is it?”  
“Albus, get out of my head. I thought you said -“  
“Our agreement still stands. I don’t need to be in your head to know –“  
“To know what?”  
“That there is something bothering you.”

Theseus clenched his teeth. Why wouldn’t something be bothering him? He hadn’t seen or heard from Albus since leaving Hogwarts. He hadn’t slept with anyone in all that time. He couldn’t get Albus out of his head. And all he knew about what Albus had been doing these past two years came from regularly sanitizing his file.

“Albus. Do you think the DMLE doesn’t monitor every Wizarding watering hole and inn in Britain? More to have blackmail to turn informants than anything. Do you know how much evidence I’ve destroyed on your behalf since coming into the department? Cleaning up after your – what did you call it? Consolation?”  
“Theseus – “

“It is not easy Obliviating seasoned Aurors, you know. Even for me. One day I’m going to be caught. Haven’t you ever thought to hide yourself at all? Self-transfiguration? Polyjuice? Sticking to Muggle areas, even? Use some common sense, Albus, for my sake if nothing else. I’d rather not know every time you let someone else fuck you.”  
“You have to believe me –“  
“That’s always been my problem, Dumbledore. I believe every word you say.”

Albus was silent. Unreadable.

Theseus rubbed his face. This had been a mistake. He should have known that seeing Albus would just make him feel worse.  
“I’m sorry, Albus. I should have refused the assignment.”  
“You didn’t volunteer?”  
“I’ve been on the force for two months. They don’t give me choices. But I could have gotten out of it.”  
“But you didn’t want to.”

“Of course, I didn’t want to! I haven’t seen you in more than two years! We were – you were –“  
You were everything to me.  
“Theseus. I’m sorry. It was a mistake.”  
“Which part? The sex? Or the silence?”

Theseus looked at Albus and waited, but Albus didn’t answer. 

Theseus nodded. “I guess I have what I need, then.” He turned away and took a step towards the door.  
“Theseus –“ Albus pleaded. “Theseus, don’t –“  
Theseus walked back to Albus, until he was in touching distance.  
“Don’t what, Albus?”  
“Don’t leave.”

Without his permission, Theseus’ hands both reached up to cradle Albus’ face as their mouths crashed together – it felt even better than Theseus had remembered. He felt hungry, out of control. He moved one hand to Albus’ arse to pull him closer – Albus was already hard for him. Theseus groaned. “Albus – I need –“

There was the sound of a chime. Theseus knew what that meant. That was Albus’ alarm, warning him that students would be arriving soon. This was not the first time he’d been interrupted by that sound.

“Tonight? After dinner?”  
Theseus thought about it. He should probably return to the Ministry and report his findings, but – arguably he had no findings yet, exactly. He couldn’t report half of what Albus had told him without exposing him as a Legilimens – a Legilimens using his ability on children without permission.  
In any case, it would be much more thorough of him to interview several more professors who had known the two runaways. And that would require an overnight stay. He would send an owl with his excuses. If he reported by floo, he might be told to return.

“Tonight. You’ll be in your quarters?”  
“I promise. The wards still recognize you. Let yourself in.”

*****

After leaving Albus to his students, Theseus had interviewed the groundskeeper, the charms professor, a handful of portraits, and the Head of Ravenclaw House. He had then gone to the Three Broomsticks for dinner, where he spoke to the bartender about the missing students. 

This was his best chance, Theseus realized. He was off Hogwarts grounds. It would be so easy to simply step into the floo, return home, have a firewhiskey, and forget about the day. But his heart sped up as he thought of Albus, of that kiss in his classroom, of Albus hard against him. When he stood, he walked away from the floo, towards the front door.  
As he walked into the autumn night, he chanted under his breath, “Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.”

Even as he was heading down the hallway towards Albus’ quarters, he wanted to turn around, to bolt out of the castle, to run as far away from Albus as he could get. He wanted it almost as much as he wanted Albus’ lips on his – but only _almost_ as much. The promise of Albus back in his life, even if only for a night… his hunger for Albus was too great to be overcome by his own good sense. 

He let himself into Albus’ parlour.  
“Albus?”  
No answer. Theseus lit a fire in the fireplace, then went to the sideboard and poured himself a firewhiskey. Not much – just enough to encourage him to give in to what he wanted, not nearly enough to forget anything about the evening. He wanted to remember it all, no matter what came next.

He pulled a book on traditional Korean curses off the shelf. He was still standing there when the door opened.  
Albus smiled, “It is good to see you in my room again. I missed you.”  
Theseus sighed. That was probably true, but Albus had only himself to blame. They would have been sharing a bed every night, if Albus had allowed it.

Albus sat on the arm of a chair.  
“Tell me what you have learned.”  
“You know I can’t.”  
“Not about the case. About traditional Korean magic. I haven’t read that one yet.”  
“I haven’t either. I’d only read two pages when you walked in.”

“Theseus –“  
“Unless you are taking me back, then I don’t want to talk about it, Albus. If I only get you tonight, then let me have you tonight without your excuses for why this is all you will give me.”

“I love you.”  
“Don’t Albus.”  
“I was selfish. You could have been happier without –“  
“I was happier with you.”

“If only you hadn’t – “  
Theseus began walking towards where Albus was sitting.  
“I _said_ stop, Albus.”

“You trusted me and I –“  
Theseus pulled Albus up roughly and swallowed whatever words were next, occupying Albus’ mouth with such intensity that they both forgot what Albus had been saying.  
“Am I welcome here every night, and every day off I get?”

“You can’t do that.”  
“I can. I had thought I would be doing it these past two years. The DMLE can’t tell me where to sleep at night.”  
Albus look stricken, suddenly. And then - occluded.  
What did that mean?  
“Would you? Would you let me wake up with you every morning? Or – if it is about me being an Auror – I can quit the Auror corps when this year is up, if you might take me back.”

Albus looked away and didn’t answer.  
No, then.

“Fine, Albus. Then the only thing I want to hear out of you is ‘Yes’ and ‘There’ and ‘More’ and ‘Please’ – you understand?”  
Theseus nipped at Albus neck, reaching around to remove the ribbon from his hair so that it could fall loose. “Yes,” groaned Albus. “There.”  
Theseus pulled back. “That’s right, Albus. That’s what I need from you. Bed. Now.”

Albus walked ahead of him. Gods, his arse was perfect. Theseus reached for his hip and pulled him back against him. He moved Albus’ hair to one side and sucked on his neck.  
Albus turned around and growled, “Theseus…” Albus kissed him desperately while yanking off his jacket. He wandlessly unbuttoned Theseus’ shirt and his trousers, and Theseus began undressing Albus as well. 

“Bedroom. Is. Too far,” gasped Albus.  
“Up,” replied Theseus. He pressed his lips to Albus’ again, stroking Albus’ tongue with his own, grabbing Albus’ arse and lifting him enough for Albus to wrap his legs around Theseus’ hips. Theseus never stopped kissing Albus as he carried him to the bedroom, finally tumbling onto the bed with him. 

Albus impatiently removed the rest of their clothing with a single spell, and Theseus threw back his head and laughed.  
“Oh, Albus. I love you too. More than anything.”

They both stilled. Theseus had meant never to say that out loud. Certainly not under these conditions. Fucking firewhiskey. 

Albus reached his hand up to Theseus’ face. “I know. I know you do.” Then he drew Theseus’ head down and kissed him – slowly, lovingly, as if he were learning Theseus for the first time.  
“Please, Theseus. Make love to me. Make love to me as if there were nothing else in the world but us, here, now. I need to feel…”  
Theseus felt too much already. He probably needed not to feel. But he had never been able to deny Albus, and he wouldn’t now.

*****

“Theseus?”  
Theseus didn’t need to cast a Tempus to know that it was no closer to morning than it was to midnight.  
“Can’t sleep?” He answered.  
“Neither can you.”  
“No. No I can’t. Come here.”  
Albus moved closer to Theseus until he was pressed up against his side, his head on Theseus’ chest and his leg thrown over Theseus’ legs. He wrapped his arm around Theseus, pulling him still closer.

“I didn’t know, Theseus. I thought you were leaving me.”  
“I tried to tell you Albus, but you kept interrupting. I had bought a house in Hogsmeade. I was going to live up here full time. I had to move out of the castle, but I didn’t have to move away from you. You even have a floo – it would have been easy.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me that night?”  
By which Albus probably meant the night he came back to his rooms smelling like he had sucked off some random man in an alley.  
“Because you told me that it was about me being an Auror. I couldn’t change that. Not then.”

“So fucking stupid. You weren’t leaving me?”  
“Not at all. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what I had in mind sooner. If I had told you in June… well, that part’s my fault. Neither one of us wanted to talk about it, and so we didn’t.”  
“I couldn’t take it, being left again.”  
Again? 

“Albus? Do you still want me?”  
“So much. Do you want me?”  
“I haven’t stopped. It’s been awful.”  
“You need to know – I haven’t let anyone else be inside of me.”  
“Albus –“  
“No, listen Theseus. Blowjobs only.”   
“All this time?” The reports he’d read hadn’t been explicit. Theseus had just assumed...   
“I couldn’t think of doing that with anyone but you. Still can't.”  
Theseus was silent. He just ran his hand up and down Albus’ arm. It didn’t make it better exactly, but it had to mean something, right?

“Do you still have the house?”  
“It’s been let. The lease is up at the end of June. It’s a long wait. But you could floo to London some evenings, if you want. I don’t know how often we can get away with me staying here before Headmaster Black gets cranky about it.”  
“Oh, I’ve got Black covered. You could floo in here every night, and there is nothing that he would do about it.”

“You’re _really_ taking me back? You went silent when I asked earlier.”  
“I was too shocked to speak. It didn’t seem possible – I was furious with myself for throwing you away over a stupid misunderstanding.”  
“Albus.”  
“I love you, Theseus. Come back tomorrow night? And the night after that? Please?”  
Could it possibly be that easy?  
“I will. Right after dinner. And you can lay your head in my lap and tell me all about your day. Now go to sleep. Class tomorrow.”  
“Yes, dear.”

Theseus smiled in the dark. Albus was in his arms, and it felt new and familiar all at the same time.  
Once Albus had fallen asleep, Theseus whispered to him, “I did actually. Request this assignment. If asked, I would deny that making it happen required a Confundus.”  
Albus squeezed Theseus tighter. Had he not been sleeping after all? Theseus kissed the top of his head.  
“Sleep, Albus. I’ll still be here in the morning.”


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
April 1912

Albus came up behind Theseus and wrapped his arms around him. “What are you cooking?”  
“Don’t pretend you don’t know. You just wanted an excuse to snuggle.”  
The smell of curry was unmistakable. ‘What are you cooking?’ Honestly.  
“Is it almost ready?”  
“Almost. You could set the table.”  
Without so much as a wave of his hand, the cabinets opened and the dishes flew into place.  
Theseus laughed. “You were meant to do that by hand, to keep you occupied.”  
Albus squeezed him tighter. “I _am_ occupied.”

Theseus loved weekends. He loved spending all day with Albus in the Hogsmeade cottage, just being together. Weekdays were good, too, waking up to Albus, reviewing each others’ days in the evenings, but Theseus wished they could spend more time together, the way they used to do during his apprenticeship.

“You are going to need to let go now, so that I can take this off the stove.”  
“Tyrant.”  
“Yes I am, and you like it.”  
Albus sighed and let go. 

They had not been at the table five minutes when Albus laid down his fork.  
“Would you still be open to leaving the Auror corps?”  
“Why are you asking now? I thought it didn’t bother you?”  
“It bothered me when you took enough spell damage three months ago to land you in St. Mungo’s for a couple of weeks. And then there was that cutting curse last month. That scar on your chest – there’s no reason…”

“We’ve been over this Albus. I couldn’t come straight to you to heal it properly because I had to -”  
“Had to fill out the report, I know. So you relied on your partner’s miserable grasp of field medicine. Theseus, I don’t want to lose you over some stupid dark artefacts dealer, or –“  
“Or lethifold smuggler?” Theseus asked, smiling.  
“I thought we agreed never to mention that debacle again.”  
“Right. Sorry.” 

Theseus was only a little sorry. It was one of his favourite memories, trying to get that lethifold into the box, only for it to escape. It took so many tries, they nearly spent their entire three weeks before finally succeeding – only to have to destroy the creature at the border when they were stopped by Aurors – who, thanks to Theseus’ quick thinking, found only an empty box and so had to let them go. Of course, Albus was disappointed, and he initially blamed Theseus for the loss (‘we could have found a way around them!’ ‘We didn’t have time, though, Albus.’) But in hindsight, it was hilarious – to Theseus, at least.

“Theseus, I love you. It is difficult for me to watch you leave every morning, wondering if that will be the last time I see you. It takes all I have not to stop you and ask you not to leave.”  
Theseus took Albus’ hand. “Oh, Albus. I’m sorry to make you worry. But I’m fine. You’ve always said –“  
“That there’s no one in Britain so skilled in Defence as you are, I know. But luck is a factor too – and as you once pointed out to me, in the field, you never get a second chance at a duel.”

“You want me to quit. And do what, Albus?”  
“Well… there may be an opening for a Defence professor at Hogwarts.”  
“Albus! You can’t just stop teaching! You’re brilliant! You are the best teacher they have! What would you do if you weren’t teaching? Just research, I suppose, and that would be fine of course. Perhaps it is what you would prefer. But –“  
“Slow down. I’m not quitting teaching. The Potions professor is retiring, and I thought that it might be good for me to make a change. I don’t want to get bored and sloppy.”  
“Or – you don’t want to pass up an opportunity to get me on staff at Hogwarts.” 

Theseus thought about it. He had loved teaching when he was working on his Mastery. And lesson planning, and grading. And he and Albus could work together during the day sometimes. Often. And he could grow his hair back out, which was motivating all on its own. It had been shorter than he would like for four years now.  
“What do you think?”  
“I think that one day you are going to need to tell me how you have Black wrapped around your finger.”

“What makes you think -?”  
“You don’t have a Potions mastery, Albus. Defence, Transfiguration, but not Potions.”  
“I’m published in potions. And alchemy. And I’ve done advanced alchemical studies.”  
“I’m not saying you’re not qualified, Love. You could teach any class at Hogwarts – probably better than whoever is currently in the position.”  
“Not Divination.”  
Theseus laughed. “Divination is not a class. It is a sideshow. You could fake it as well as the current ‘professor’ – you just have too much integrity to bullshit your students." Albus frowned.  
"The point is, however qualified you are, a Mastery is usually required for professors. Hence my supposition that this is, once again, an example of your uncanny ability to manipulate the Headmaster.”

“One day, I will tell you. Today, I want to know if you think you would be interested in telling the DMLE that you will be resigning in June.”  
“Very. At this point, I am only an Auror because I haven't had a more appealing option. Thanks for giving me a way out, Albus.”  
“Don’t thank me, Theseus. I did it for myself as much as I did it for you. Maybe more than I did it for you.”  
“I don’t think the two are particularly separable at the moment.”  
Albus held Theseus’ gaze for a moment, then broke into a smile – that contagious smile that Theseus had always admired, from the very first time he saw it appear on Albus’ face. Theseus smiled back.

“Done eating, Theseus?” Albus asked.  
Without breaking their gaze, Theseus nodded and sent the dishes flying back to the kitchen.  
“Albus –“  
Albus stood. “Bedroom?”  
“In a minute.”  
Theseus walked over to Albus and kissed him.  
“I love you, Albus Dumbledore.”  
He knelt in front of Albus and unfastened his trousers.

*****

Albus was standing across the room half-dressed when Theseus brought up the one drawback of him leaving the Auror corps.  
“You are going to have to be more careful. There won’t be anyone at the DMLE to be covering your tracks any longer.”  
“I had thought that was no longer an issue.”  
“It doesn’t come up often, but you are listed as a suspect in a case every 4 or 5 months. Like that time you were exhuming those corpses up near the coast.”

“The Wizard corpses, you mean? Or -”  
“Merlin! Have you been exhuming Muggles, too?”  
“I have a theory about Obscurials. There must be more of them than we think – Muggleborns have accidental magic just as much as any other magical child, and that is sure to lead to fear and reprisals. But in order to be sure, it helps if I can study the bodies of those who were likely killed by them. Of course, there is the facial scarring, but when the body is too decomposed for that – I believe that there will be evidence that can be extracted from the bones. Anyway, it seems clear that the victims would most often be Muggles, particularly as the magical community seems to be under the illusion that there hasn’t been an obscurial in a hundred years or more…”

Theseus shook his head. This man. The trouble he got into in the name of inquiry. Theseus loved him too much. Any sane person would love Albus _in spite of_ his reckless pursuit of knowledge, but Theseus loved Albus _especially_ when he was rationalizing his crazy behaviour.  
“Anyway. With you available more often, I won’t need to cover my tracks. You were always good at helping me spot the flaws in my plans. I don’t think I was of any particular interest to the DMLE when you were assisting me.”

Theseus got out of bed and began dressing.  
“And the true motive is revealed. A full partner in crime is preferable to an Auror who is a mere accessory after the fact. It looks like I will soon be joining you in grave robbing expeditions.”  
“Theseus, you know that’s not why I want you to quit.”  
“I know Albus. I’m just teasing. But even if I were serious, I have always preferred being included in your trouble. I may not think what you’re doing is particularly wise, sometimes, but whatever dangerous thing you are doing, I want to be with you when you are doing it.”

“Remember our trip to Greece?”  
“How could I forget? Best snipe hunt of my life.”  
Those two weeks during the summer between the first and second years of Theseus’ mastery had occupied his thoughts many times since then.  
“Yes, the magical library on Crete was a consolation for not having found anything.”  
The library was outstanding – very helpful to Theseus’ research on place and time being as important as intent when it came to the results of one’s spell casting. And there were several works there that applied to Albus’ study of obscuruses, lethifolds, and dementors. They spent days there. Then there was the rooftop sex on Mykonos – unforgettable.  
The last four days they had spent on a cursebreaking team near Mt. Olympus. They had happened upon the cursebreakers by accident, but after they learned of Albus’ and Theseus’ areas of expertise, they persuaded them to act as substitutes for two of their team who had been injured by the curses protecting the ritual site they had found. It had proved to be a very tricky job, and Theseus was still amazed that they hadn’t all been killed.

“I can’t believe that you are worried about me being injured on the job, and yet you took me on all of those expeditions to find an Obscurus.”  
“Which we never found.”  
“Yes, but the plan was in fact to find one.”  
“It is different when I am with you. I know that I won’t let anything happen to you.”  
Theseus crossed the room and hugged Albus, saying quietly in his ear, “I know. I love you, too.”  
Then he let go and took a step back. “Now let’s go sit on the sofa and you can tell me what exactly you are doing with all those dead bodies.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't sleep so... posting this tonight
> 
> Enter Gellert  
> FWIW - Generally, I am very pro-Gellert - my Grindeldore fics are from Gellert's POV as often as not. But... this fic is from Theseus' perspective, so...  
> Given that the man he loves is still hurting 13 years after a relationship with Gellert, Theseus is cutting Gellert no slack whatsoever.

Chapter 7  
October 1912

Theseus came into Albus’ rooms and flopped down heavily in a chair.  
“Sixth years. They are so sex addled they can’t concentrate on learning anything other than how to make each other come.”  
This was, of course, not remotely true. Theseus was just disgruntled at Leta Lestrange, who had previously been one of his best students, and was now too distracted by his baby brother (who was refusing to take Defence this year ‘on principle’) to hear a word Theseus said. So, by ‘sixth years’ Theseus meant ‘two particular sixth years.’  
He was fully expecting Albus to contradict him, but Albus did not respond at all. He was holding a piece of parchment and looking at it like it was a puzzle he couldn’t solve.  
Theseus sighed. 

“I much prefer the second years, even in spite of their unusual interest in mutual dismemberment.”  
“Mmmhmm?”  
“I was thinking that I might take them on a field trip to Jupiter.”  
“That sounds nice.”

“Albus!”  
Albus looked up. “Yes?”  
“What do you have there?”  
“Ah – Gellert.”  
“What is –“ Theseus saw the expression on Albus’ face shift. Oh. “That is, who is Gellert? Letter from him?”  
“Gellert is – he was a friend of mine when I was 17. He was a year younger than me.”  
Theseus read a different answer on Albus’ face.  
“He was not ‘a friend of yours.’ Try again.”

Albus sighed. “Well, we were not _only_ friends. We were… Lovers? Co-conspirators? Utterly insane?”  
“He was your first –“  
“My first everything. And I was his. And then he just – disappeared after only two months together.”

 _I couldn’t take it, being left again._ Gellert. Theseus was trying to keep an open mind. How much could Gellert be blamed for any ill-advised promises he may have made at that age when sharing a bed with Albus, who was an incredibly attentive and creative lover? But the damage he had done to Albus – and the resulting two year interruption of his own relationship with Albus – in spite of himself, Theseus could not help but dislike Gellert already.

“Albus. Sixteen year olds don’t just disappear. He wasn’t even of age. Something more happened.”  
“My sister was an Obscurial. There was only myself and my fifteen year old brother to take care of her after my mother died. Aberforth thought that Gellert was distracting me from my duties to Ariana. He probably was. Definitely was. We had planned to go off together once Aberforth left, and what would happen to Ariana then? Gellert thought we could take her with us, but…”

There was too much to process here.  
Ariana being an Obscurial explained Albus’ interest in dark semi-sentient beings.  
Aberforth was an unknown quantity – Theseus had only known that Albus’ parents and sister were dead – not that he had a brother. Was he alive?  
And Gellert’s position on Theseus’ shit list was steadily rising – traveling with an Obscurial?  
But most importantly –

“Albus. Surely you know that it is too much to ask a 17 year old to take care of an Obscurial.”  
“There was no one else to do it.”  
Theseus imagined Albus, fresh out of Hogwarts, brilliant, driven, already published… trapped indefinitely in a small town as a full-time caretaker for an Obscurial. Who wouldn’t fantasize about running away with someone? 

“So – Gellert ended up going without you?”  
No. No, Albus’ facial expression indicated it had been something much more sinister than that.  
“Why did Gellert leave, Albus?”  
“There was – a duel. Aberforth called Gellert out, and Gellert was – well, he was from Durmstrang.”  
Ah. That must have escalated quickly then.

“And you?”  
“I was casting against both of them, trying to get them to stop.”  
“At home, yes? So Ariana?”  
“Lost control. Her Obscurus was going to kill us all. Aberforth shouted at us to leave her alone, but it wasn’t Ariana – not really. Gellert and I tried to contain her, and she suddenly pulled the Obscurus back in, and – our spells hit her at the same time, and in her weakened state…”

“Albus. How old was she?”  
“Fourteen.”  
“So she would have died anyway, very soon. She had likely only lived so long because she was extraordinarily powerful, like you.”  
“We killed her, Theseus. Gellert and I killed her. Aberforth blamed both of us, but told us he intended to turn Gellert in.”

“But – she was an Obscurial! The DMLE would have immediately ruled it self-defence, and he would have been released.”  
“That’s what I told him. And he said he believed me, that he would stay… and the next morning he was gone. Without even having told me.”  
Without having told him? That was a generous interpretation. No, Gellert had left after having lied to Albus about his intentions.

“So – this letter is from Gellert?”  
“It is – it is the first letter I have ever received from Gellert. He didn’t write after he left, and I didn’t know – I assumed that he didn’t want to see me.”  
There was an obvious next question to ask. Theseus knew the answer, but Albus needed to know that he knew, and that it was ok. That they could tell each other these things. That Theseus loved him no matter what the answer was.

“Albus – Did you love him?”  
Albus looked up at Theseus, his eyes full of unshed tears. Theseus wished there was a spell he could cast that would take away that pain.  
_It is dangerous to trust someone with your heart._  
“Oh, Albus. You still love him, don’t you?”

Theseus got up and went to where Albus was standing near the window. He wrapped his arms around him. “Love, I’m so sorry. Come sit on the sofa with me? Tell me about Gellert? I can summon some tea for us.”  
“Or – firewhiskey?”  
“Let’s try tea first, Albus. No need for us to get maudlin straightaway.”

*****

The audacity of that miserable cunt. Telling Albus he had never stopped loving him when he had not bothered to get in touch for 13 years. Telling Albus he wanted him back, that no one would ever love him the way he loved him. Telling Albus that he was wasted on Hogwarts – that anyone with his mind should be ruling the world. And further nonsense. 

The worst part was that Albus was blaming himself.  
“Maybe I should have given him more of a chance.”  
Albus was back up off the sofa, pacing around the room in agitation.  
“How, Albus? Did you push him away? No. You asked him to stay. Did he ask you to leave with him? No. Even though the two of you had planned for you to do so. Did he send you letters? No. It is not a failure to not answer a letter that does not arrive.”

Theseus couldn’t help comparing his own behaviour to Gellert’s. After they parted, Theseus owled Albus a number of times. And as Albus was cutting him off, he had told Albus that he planned to come back and see him regularly. Albus had rejected all of his overtures. And he was thinking of giving Gellert a second chance after a single letter?

“I – when he left, when Aberforth reported Gellert to the DMLE, I – I agreed with Aberforth not to tell them Ariana was an Obscurial. I made him look like a murderer. So, he can never come back to Britain because of me.”

Ah. Well. That would rather make one feel guilty and like they owed someone something. Albus might be reckless and a bit self-destructive at times, but he always tried to avoid hurting other people. If anything, he might be _too generous_ with his efforts on behalf of others. So, to have let his hurt feelings push him to a retaliation so extreme… Though of course Aberforth was to blame as well. And Gellert opened that door by leaving. But yes, Theseus imagined letting Gellert be banned from Britain was one of the worst things Albus had ever done – in the top five for certain. And he had done it to someone he was in love with.

“He wants to meet me.”  
Theseus did not like this at all.  
“Will you?”  
“I don’t know. Shouldn’t I? Give him a chance to explain himself?”

“And then what, Albus? _He wants you back._ If his explanation is good enough, are you going to leave me for him?”  
Albus stopped moving and turned to look at Theseus.  
“Theseus, I love you.”  
“And you love _him_ , too, so that is not particularly an answer.”

Albus rubbed his forehead, as if he had a headache.  
“I – never want to leave you Theseus. I love you, I know you, I trust you. I’ve been with you six – well, four years, and I’ve lived with you for most of that time. Gellert - I had two months with him 13 years ago. How can I say that I love him? I love who he was. I don’t even know who he is anymore. I don’t understand this hold he still has over me, but –“

“It’s completely understandable, Albus. He was your first. You loved him. And you had no resolution with him before he left. He has had the chance to become utterly idealized. Since you didn’t have more time with him, your mind has been free to imagine what your time together might have been. The reality might have been very different, but there’s no way to know. Of course, he has a hold over you.”

“Maybe so, but – you are the one who is here.” Albus sat on the other end of the sofa and stretched out, placing his feet on Theseus’ lap.  
“You’ve been here with me, I have memories and a life with you, and I’m not going to throw you away for a maybe. A probably not.”  
That was not an ideal answer, but it was more than good enough. Certainly good enough for today, when Albus was still reeling from Gellert having reappeared in his life suddenly after so long.  
Theseus began rubbing Albus’ feet. It felt reassuring to touch him. Right now, Albus was with him. Right here. Just the two of them.

“I love you, too, Albus. And I’ll still love you if you go see him. But _please_ don’t. It troubles me that he has decided that he wants you suddenly, just now, after so long away. No matter what happens, going to see him will mean that one of the two of us will be hurt, and probably hurt badly. Likely both of us.”  
“I’ll – probably not go. I’ll wait, certainly – I won’t go right away.”  
This sounded very much like Albus was going to go after all. Theseus’ chest tightened. He closed his eyes. This would be ok. 

He kept rubbing Albus’ feet. They were warm, solid. Feet were fascinating, the way they were both strong and fragile at the same time. Albus had beautiful feet. If there was a Platonic Ideal foot, it would be Albus’ foot. He laughed. Albus raised an eyebrow.  
“I was just thinking about how much I love your feet, but that I love you more, because I am electing not to remove your warm woolen socks on a cold and damp autumn evening.”  
Albus laughed until he was gasping. “Well, I will have to take these off sometime.”  
“So I can take them off after all?”  
“No.”  
They both burst out laughing together then. 

Theseus shifted around so that he was laying on top of Albus. He kissed him gently.  
“Tell me. If you do go see Gellert. I don’t think it’s wise, but – I won’t stop you.”  
Albus inclined his head. “I love you. So much.”  
“I love you too, Albus. Always.”  
Theseus kissed Albus again, carefully, tentatively. He didn’t want to overwhelm him if his mind was still with Gellert. 

He sat back on his heels between Albus’ spread legs.  
Albus looked up at him, his eyes sparkling mischievously.  
“Now, tell me about the second years again? Dismemberment has not always been an interest of 12 year olds, as far as I can remember. It seems counterproductive. I imagine their potions work will suffer, if they lose an arm. Though as long as they don’t lose two…”  
Theseus laughed. Albus had been listening to him after all.

“They are starting small, with fingers and the like. Still debilitating, though.”  
“Well, I suppose you will have to intervene. It is a shame. I do hate to stifle independent inquiry, but there is a limit.”  
“Oh? I will be sure to remind you of that.”  
“Yes, well, I haven’t lost a limb yet.”

Theseus couldn’t hold himself back. This was his Albus, right here - playful, macabre, dead sexy. Theseus pinned Albus’ shoulders. “I don’t know. I think that I might need to take a complete oral inventory, make sure everything is right where it ought to be.”  
Albus smiled. While his arms were restrained, there was no such limitation on his magic. He dragged Theseus down and kissed him fiercely. Theseus moved his hands from Albus’ shoulders into his hair, and they began rocking against one another. 

“Theseus – please – I need - “  
Theseus didn’t let Albus finish. He caught Albus’ lips with his own. He loved the feel of Albus’ lips – and the feel of Albus’ tongue on the roof of his mouth, his own tongue stroking the soft underside of Albus’ – he could kiss Albus all evening, if kissing him didn’t make him impatient for something more.  
Albus broke away again.  
“Take me – now – need you – “  
Perhaps a ‘complete oral inventory’ was going to need to wait.  
“Oh do you?”

Theseus got up, then tossed Albus over his shoulder.  
“That constitutes a change of plans, but I’m amenable… I’m thinking that I might need to practice my sticking charms. How would you like to be immobilized?”  
Albus groaned.  
They reached the bed, and Theseus tossed Albus down onto the mattress.  
“Words, Love.”  
“Yesssss….”  
Theseus vanished Albus’ clothes, and looked him over slowly, admiring his body. Gorgeous. Familiar. His.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'd been trying to hold these chapter to under 2000 words, and this one is more than 3500, LOL Oh well. 
> 
> Chiara_Polairix recommends the song "Él me mintió" by Amanda Miguel to listen to with this chapter.  
> Which... if you are familiar with it, is warning enough that this is the chapter when things really start to go downhill.

Chapter Eight  
May 1913

Theseus came straight to the Hogsmeade cottage after his last class of the day. He wanted to make a special thank you dinner for Albus. After the Headmaster had publicly announced Newt’s expulsion, Albus had somehow managed to get him to reverse it. Theseus was more curious than ever about what Albus had on Black. Or what he was doing to him. Those seemed to be the only two possibilities: some sort of compulsion spell, or blackmail. Albus was probably right not to tell him. Plausible deniability.

Theseus was setting the table when Albus came in, spun him around, and kissed him.  
“Tell me I smell coq au vin.”  
“You smell coq au vin.”  
“Really? What’s the occasion?”  
“You, Love, saved my little brother from his stupidly chivalrous act on Ms. Lestrange’s behalf, without me even asking.”

“So, you didn’t make it just because you love me?” Albus asked, with a clearly put-on pout.  
Theseus laughed. “It is because I love you that I knew it was the right thing to make.”  
“Good enough,” Albus agreed. “I get a marvellous dinner either way.”

Albus buried his nose in Theseus’ neck and breathed in.  
“You smell so good. All the time.”  
“Oh? Not just when I’ve been cooking your favourite foods?”  
Albus pulled back, and with an almost childlike hopefulness asked, “Are you saying that there is lemon drizzle cake?”

Theseus laughed. “Of course. But only if you unhand me so that I can keep it from burning.”  
“I will not! What sort of Defence professor can’t do wandless magic while distracted?”  
And so Theseus ended up proving his qualifications by finishing and plating dinner while snogging Albus in the dining room.

They had been at the table for less than five minutes when the owl came.  
Theseus unrolled the parchment and blanched.  
“There was an ambush. Several Aurors were attacked. So many that they are short-staffed working the scene, and they are calling in reserves.”  
Albus laid down his fork. “They are asking you to come in?”  
“It seems so. They must be hard up if they are asking me. I removed myself from the official reserves list.”  
“They aren’t hard up, Thee. They would look for any excuse to bring you back in. You were the best they had.”  
Theseus walked back to the table and bent down to kiss Albus. “You’re biased.”  
Albus smiled. “Insightful is what I am.”

Theseus looked at the letter again. Something didn’t feel right about it. Why were they calling him back in? Could there really have been an attack so bad that they would need reserves? The Auror corps was huge, and it ran 24 hours. More than half of the Aurors were off duty at any given time. But everything else about the letter was right: the handwriting, the ink, the coded phrases to indicate that it was indeed from the DMLE. The feel and even the smell of the parchment was correct. 

Theseus dropped back down into his chair and pushed at his dinner with his fork.  
“I think I had better go, Albus. I’m so sorry. I can stay long enough to finish dinner, but I am going to have to leave you alone with the cake. Or perhaps I should take half of it with me. I know how you get when you’re lonely.”  
Albus rolled his eyes. “I think I can manage not to eat a whole cake in one night.”  
Theseus bit his lip. “It’s not - they want me to stay through Monday.”

“Monday?! Theseus! What about classes?”  
Hang the classes – Theseus was more annoyed by losing the weekend.  
“Well, I suppose… I only have First and Third years on Mondays. Prewett should be able to handle that. She’s a Seventh Year, and on track for an O, almost certainly. Perhaps you could arrange for her...?”  
“I’ll look at your schedule. I might be able to pick up one or two of your classes, so that the burden is not all on Miss Prewett. And I’ll make sure your papers are graded.”

“Thank you, Albus. Are you sure it’s ok for me to go?”  
Albus was silent for so long that Theseus almost said that he was not going after all, but before he could get the words out Albus said, “They wouldn’t ask for you if it wasn’t important.”  
“I suppose,” Theseus answered, dropping all pretence of eating, laying down his fork, and pushing his plate away.

Albus stood and went to Theseus, pulling him up out of his chair. He kissed him. “I wish you weren’t leaving.”  
“Me too,” Theseus sighed, turning away. He had had such plans for them this weekend.  
There were plenty of papers to grade, as always, but otherwise, this was a rare open weekend, free of projects or Hogsmeade duties or patrols or anything else to keep them from simply reading and writing and having sex. Weekend sex was the best, because they had the time and energy for true marathon sessions. Theseus cursed the DMLE, and his own sense of duty.

“I can keep you company in the bedroom while you pack.”  
“I’m so stressed, Albus. I’m not sure I’m in the mood for –“  
Albus took hold of Theseus and turned him around. He wrapped one arm around Theseus and began gently running his fingers through his hair.  
“I meant it literally, Love. I’ll just sit on the bed while you pack so that you don’t have to be alone.”

Albus took a small step back, and Theseus looked at him in amazement.  
“You are perfect. I love you so much.”  
Albus looked down at the floor and frowned. He muttered, “I’m not perfect at all.”  
“Ok, perfect might be an exaggeration. But you are doing all the right things tonight, and I’m glad you are in my life. All of you. Just as you are.”

Theseus kissed Albus, and then held his hand as they walked to the bedroom.  
The next day, when he arrived home only to find the house empty, when he recalled how distant Albus had seemed when Theseus had kissed him, he wished that he had listened to his reservations and called into the DMLE before leaving – that he had questioned more strenuously whether they really did need him. Then perhaps Albus would not have been tempted to prove that he was right, that he was ‘not perfect at all.’

*****

Theseus was sitting in Albus’ quarters with a cup of tea when Albus finally arrived home late Sunday evening.  
“Theseus!” Albus looked surprised… and mortified. “You are home early. I wasn’t expecting you – “

“Until Monday evening, I know. Contrary to what the letter led me to believe, only six Aurors were ambushed. They certainly had enough other Aurors available to investigate, so I was not needed at all. That is, I was needed, but only to be interrogated. The attack happened _after_ I arrived at the DMLE. So, either the letter somehow came from an alternate future where all of the Aurors were incapacitated, or it was sent by someone who knew the attack was going to happen. Guess which one we think it was?”  
Theseus paused to pour himself some more tea – and to give Albus a chance to answer, but Albus seemed paralyzed in shock.  
Theseus set down the teapot and continued, “The letter has now been seized by the DMLE as evidence. You see, they get touchy when Aurors are attacked. I am not sure that I shouldn’t have told them that I know who sent it, but – well, I imagine you know why I hesitated.”

“So, then you came back…”  
Albus was just going to ignore everything he had just said. Naturally.  
“I got back here on Saturday, just before lunch. And given that you had said you were going to be grading my papers as well as yours, I had rather thought I would have seen you before now. I waited at the cottage all weekend, just in case. I arrived here an hour ago.”  
“Theseus, I –“

“That’s alright, Albus. You don’t need to tell me anything. In fact, I may even know a bit more about the situation than you do. Gellert sent the owl that interrupted our dinner Friday night. Then you contacted Gellert to tell him that you finally were free of me and therefore could meet him. Very convenient for you both, an unknown number of Aurors being injured or even killed.”  
“Theseus –“  
“You met somewhere on the Continent, spent the weekend with him, likely slept with him. All the time not knowing that Gellert had manipulated events so that I would come home early and find you not here, and thereby do even more damage to our relationship than had already been done by you sleeping with him. And by ‘manipulate events’, I do mean to include arranging the attack.  
“Four Aurors ended up in St. Mungo’s, including my old partner, Eurydice. The other two were killed at the scene. One of them was an old student of yours – Edgar Collins? Romantic of Gellert, if you think about it. A weekend with you is worth ending two lives over, it seems. I certainly can’t compete with _that_ level of devotion.  
“My one point of confusion is why he didn’t just kill _me_. That would free up _all_ of your weekends. But maybe he doesn’t plan to see you that often.”

“Theseus. That’s not –“  
“No? So, you weren’t with him?”  
Albus looked at the floor.  
“No, I was. With him. In Bruges.”  
“And you didn’t sleep with him?”  
Albus slumped into a chair and put his head in his hands.

“Well, that’s as good as a yes. I won’t ask for details, as I do not really want to know. I hope it was it worth it. I’ve already re-upped for the next year, so you are going to have to see me every day, which I imagine will be awkward. Though I suppose Black may be able to find another Potions professor so you could go back to Defence.”  
“Theseus!”  
“I’ve never been to South America. I wonder if they have an opening at Castelobruxo.”

“You aren’t going to –“  
“Leave you? It seems to me you have beaten me to it, Albus. Tell me that you’ve at least gained _something_. Does he want you back? I know he can’t come here to Britain. Are you following him to the Continent?”  
“I - no.”  
“No. So it seemed worth it to you to throw away someone who actually cares enough to be with you every single day for someone who just wanted you for a weekend? I knew that you were careless with yourself, Albus, but this was truly masterful.”

“Theseus –“  
“I really don’t think that I want to hear anything you have to say, Albus.”  
“Blood pact!” He blurted.  
“WHAT?!!!” Theseus roared.  
Albus cringed. “Blood… pact?” he said, in an uncharacteristically timid voice. “Gellert and I made a blood pact that summer in Godric’s Hollow. So, I really couldn’t – umm – help it?”

A fucking blood pact. And Albus had had the audacity to say, ‘I don’t understand the hold Gellert has over me.’ The answer had been simple all along. It was extraordinarily difficult to overcome the emotional and magical draw of a blood pact. Even at a distance, Albus would always feel a connection to Gellert, but once he was in the same building? It was a wonder Albus had come back to Scotland at all.

“No, Albus. You couldn’t help it _once you went to him_. Before you went, you actually had a choice.  
"What made you go meet him if you have a fucking blood pact, Albus? You had to know what that would mean. This is not an excuse – this is admitting that sleeping with him was premeditated! You knew that if you saw him you would be practically compelled to have sex with him, and _you went to meet him anyway._  
“I asked you to tell me before you went – I wouldn’t have stopped you from going to see him. But you went _without telling me_ – which is yet another indication that you _knew_ what was going to happen if you went. Did you think for a moment about what this would do to me? To us?”

Albus stood and leaned against the wall. He looked down at his hand. He cupped it, and a conjured flame appeared. He closed his hand in a fist, and the flame went out. He opened his hand again, and the flame reappeared. Open… close… open…  
“I – had hoped that I would be able to get the pact from him and perhaps find a way to break it.”  
Close…  
“I believe that is about 25% true, Albus. And that the other 75% is that you could not help but see if fucking him was as good as you remembered.”

Open… Close…  
“Do you really think Gellert was responsible for all of that?”  
“Do you think he wasn’t? I took the opportunity to see whether we had a file on your _boyfriend_ , and there were too many open investigations linked to him to fit in a single file. Don’t tell me you don’t know what he is capable of.”  
Open… Close… Open… Close… Open…

“You got one part wrong,” Albus said. “I didn’t owl him. He owled me. Last week. He asked me to meet him this weekend, I owled back that I couldn’t. I – this is why I didn’t want you to leave. I was afraid I would…”  
“Owl him after I left?”  
Close.  
“That counts as you owling him, Albus. You could have told me. I wouldn’t have gone in if you had asked me to stay.”

“I did – “  
“Saying ‘I wish you didn’t have to go’ is not at all the same as saying ‘Don’t go.’”  
“I couldn’t have asked – you were needed…”  
“ _You_ needed me. You think I care about some case more than I care about keeping you from blasting a hole right through the centre of our relationship? Merlin, Albus! Nothing is more important to me than you. Well. Nothing _was_ more important to me. I don’t know what’s important anymore.”  
Albus was silent. 

“Would you have told me if I hadn’t caught you coming in?”  
“Eventually? Yes. The minute you returned? Likely not. I would have wanted to know that you were ok, and just be there for you that first night. Probably Tuesday night.”  
Probably. So – maybe not Tuesday night. Maybe not ever.  
“Albus. You didn’t tell me that you had a blood pact with Gellert. All the things you told me – you left that out on purpose.”  
“I was afraid you would be angry.”

“I’m surprised and impressed that you and Gellert were able to pull off such advanced magic at such a young age. I’m disappointed that you were so very reckless as to make a lifetime commitment to someone you had known less than two months. I’m frustrated that I am not in a fair fight – that I have been doomed from the beginning to lose you if Gellert ever came back. But I wouldn’t have been angry.  
“I’m angry now, though. I am angry that you didn’t tell me that you had a blood pact when you fucking had an opening. The minute he wrote to you, that information became relevant, and you chose not to tell me. Which makes me wonder if you weren’t thinking about going back to him from the first moment you received that letter. I certainly can’t see that you’ve done anything to protect yourself against the possibility.”

Albus sat back down.  
“Gods. I’m the biggest idiot that ever lived.”  
“There is evidence to support that, yes.”  
“I don’t want to lose you Theseus.”  
“You are not acting like someone who is trying to keep me. Do you have plans to see him again?”  
“He asked me to, but I won’t go.”  
Theseus wanted to believe Albus, but he wasn’t sure he should. And even if this was true, had Albus been planning to go up until 15 minutes ago?

“Did he say when?”  
“He wanted me to come at the end of June, when school’s out. Just for a week.”  
“For a week. Not for the whole summer? Albus.”

“He says he loves me.”  
“I’m sure he does love you. Just not as much as whatever it is that he’s doing for the rest of the summer that he hasn’t invited you along for.”  
“He – did. But I – he has certain – political aspirations – that I don’t share. Going with him would mean participating in his plans, so I refused.”

Ah. The ‘ruling the world’ business. Lovely. Albus was in love with Napoleon.  
“But you left the door open for a vacation during which the two of you could ignore that you don’t agree about anything except liking having sex with one another.”  
“To be fair, it is not _just_ about sex,” Albus said defensively. “His magic is also very interesting – powerful, complicated. And he is extraordinarily well read. And his sense of humour… ”  
Albus trailed off. It was no wonder, given the look that was on Theseus’ face.

“No, please go on, Albus. Tell me all the many reasons why Gellert is so irresistible. Wait. No. Don’t. Because you had a chance to tell me all of this _before you fucked him._ I would have been happy to listen. Remember that, Albus? The night you received his letter? When I asked you explicitly to tell me all about Gellert?  
“But now you have gone behind my back and fucked him, and that grants me certain rights and privileges. Like the right _not_ to listen to any explanations, the right _not_ to be interested in the many redeeming qualities of your Auror-murdering lover, and the right to walk out the door _right now_. As well as the privilege of being recognized as the injured party here.”

Theseus stood and began moving towards the door. Thankfully, he had maintained his own quarters in the castle. It would feel odd not to share a bed with Albus, but it had to be better than lying down beside someone you can’t trust.

“Theseus! Wait!”  
Theseus fought with himself. He wanted so badly to just ignore Albus, to walk out the door and pretend he didn’t exist. But pretending Albus didn’t exist was impossible. And he knew how terrified Albus was of being left. No matter how much Albus deserved it, Theseus couldn’t do that to him. Not yet.  
How could he still want to take care of Albus? Theseus did not want to think what Albus would have to do in order for Theseus to finally break and walk away from him. If this didn’t do it…?

Theseus turned around.  
“Albus. I won’t share you. Not with him. He has not treated you right once, starting with leaving you. Maybe starting before that, I don’t know. And some critical parts of who he is and what he cares about bother you so much that you were able to fight the compulsion of the blood pact enough to refuse his company long term. When you were in the same room with him – possibly even in bed with him.  
“Do you understand the significance of that? It should have been impossible for you to say no to him in that moment. _You don’t want him._ Not all of him. And he only wants parts of you. I want every bit of you. I hope one day you will see the difference.”

“Theseus, please. It was a mistake.”  
It certainly was.  
“You still want me, then.”  
“I need you. You are everything to me.”  
“No, Albus. Friday night, I would have believed you. I thought – it seemed – but no, I am not everything to you. If I were, my presence would not be an inconvenience, a barrier to you fucking someone else.”  
No, Albus was everything to Theseus. But it seemed that Theseus was only a bit more than something to Albus.

“That’s not – you’re not an inconvenience, Theseus. I need you. Please. I’m so sorry. I know I shouldn’t have gone.”  
Which was not the same as saying he wouldn’t do it again.  
“Albus. If it ever happens again, then I am done. You understand? There will be no getting me back.”

“Will you – sleep here in my rooms tonight?”  
He shouldn’t. What the fuck was wrong with him?  
“I am just stupid enough to say yes. But not stupid enough to have sex with you. That will take some time. I’m – you’ve hurt me, more than I thought you ever could. But I know you’re hurt too, and scared, it looks like. I’m not going to make you sleep alone. I love you, you fucking idiot.”

Theseus walked over to Albus and pulled him into his arms.  
“I’m sorry,” Albus said. “I love you. I love you.”  
What did that mean? Theseus had always believed Albus when he said he loved him, but now? Now Theseus was wondering if his conception of love was significantly different from Albus’.  
“I love you too, Albus.”

Whatever Albus meant by the words, Theseus did love Albus – all of him. Even the part of him that was still reeling over Gellert’s loss so many years ago. He wanted to hold and comfort 17 year old Albus and reassure him that even the cataclysmic was survivable. He wanted to help 26 year old Albus find his way through his feelings of loss and abandonment.  
He wanted to free his Albus, 31 year old Albus, from this fucking blood pact. If Albus even wanted to be free of it. 

They stood there holding one another for a long time, until Theseus said, “It’s late, Love. Let’s get to bed.” Theseus changed in the loo – he didn’t think that he could take off his clothes in front of Albus just yet.  
Theseus held Albus all night, listening to the familiar noises he made in his sleep. He got out of bed just before the sun rose to take a run around the lake, leaving Albus behind, still sleeping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a playlist to go with this fic - 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6rq1vjxEOIgSL863zBTFcK?si=3cv0QixlSX2gBvAOnSaupA  
> (Link updated August 2020)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter IX  
> In Which it is Proved That Theseus is a Bit of an Idiot
> 
> Chiara_Polairix recommends Lana Del Rey's "Dark Paradise"

Chapter 9  
January 1915 

Theseus was looking in the mirror. Time to cut his hair. There would be no more putting it off. He was leaving tomorrow.  
He heard the floo activate, and called from the bedroom, “I’ll be out in a minute, Albus.”  
It could only be him. The floo was open to Albus, and to his mother’s house, and that was all. And Albus had owled to say that he would be by today.  
He heard Albus’ footsteps coming down the hall. 

“So help me, do not set foot in this bedroom, Dumbledore. You can wait for me like anyone else would do.”  
The silence was thick. He could feel the hesitation, the uncertainty. But finally the steps retreated back down the hall towards the kitchen. Perhaps Albus would make some tea.  
Theseus took a deep breath and pictured how he wanted his hair to look. Hair appropriate for a soldier.  
Long locks of hair littered the floor when he was done. He looked down at them, thought about when he first started growing out his hair – about working at Hogwarts, living with Albus… Dangerous thoughts. He vanished the hair and walked into the kitchen.

Albus looked startled when he saw him.  
“You –“  
“Well, I can’t have long hair and serve in the army, so.”  
“Theseus, don’t go.”  
“I have to go. I have friends already there. I can’t just let them die, and I have very little here.”  
“You have me. Please, Theseus.”

For fuck’s sake.  
“I thought you just wanted to come and say goodbye. This is unacceptable.”  
“I can’t lose you.”  
“You lost me ten months ago. I’m not yours to lose anymore.”  
“Theseus –“  
“Just – tell me about your classes, Albus. How is Defence going? I thought that this year’s NEWT class was going to be particularly strong. How many are on track for O’s, do you think?”

“No. Theseus, listen to me. This war is an artificial construct, designed to draw the Muggles into killing one another over nothing. The boys in the trenches – they are innocent on both sides. What are you contributing by killing German boys in order to spare French boys? Do you not think there are German wizards who will do the same thing for their side? There is no winning this war, Theseus. The end is already determined. The end is millions of Muggle deaths, and there is nothing anyone can do to prevent that now. Even you. This world cannot stand to lose you over something so futile.”

“Ah. A war against Muggles. Gellert made this war, did he? Finally made his move? He rises in my esteem all the time. I wonder – will he be roasting babies over an open fire next?”

“Will you fucking – just listen to me, Theseus. Gellert didn’t just stir this up. He is going to be there fighting. He may even be working both sides. But he will likely focus particularly on helping the Germans. He is fairly certain that they will lose, so fighting for them will prolong the war, and so increase casualties.”

“Why are you telling me this, Albus? Are you asking me not to kill him? Or are you trying to warn me that he intends to kill me?”  
“He is – the only wizard I have ever met that could beat you in a duel.”  
‘Besides me’ went unsaid. Whatever else had been lost, Theseus knew he could at least trust Albus not to try to kill him.  
“And he knows what you look like and what you mean to me. If you insist on going, please imbed with the Muggles, instead of fighting the Wizarding war. I don’t want the two of you crossing paths.”

“I have to fight with the Wizards, Albus. Newt is going to be there. If anything happens to him... No, I have to be there. But I will be on the Eastern Front, if it makes a difference. Not France or Belgium. So if Gellert is -”  
“Gellert might be anywhere. You don’t need to keep an eye on Newt. I’m not sure why you think you would do a better job of that than his dragons will.”  
“I’m not going to pretend to be a Muggle. It wouldn't even be allowed. Drop it.”  
Albus looked down at his teacup.

“When did you last see Gellert?”  
Albus scooped an absurd amount of sugar into his tea and began stirring.  
“Albus…” Theseus growled impatiently.  
“Six months ago.”  
“July, then.”  
“Oh. Five months. Four and a half. End of August.”  
Theseus sighed. And how often had he seen Gellert in that time? Had he spent the entire summer with him? Why did he care? He wasn’t supposed to care about this anymore. Anyway, he couldn’t have spent the entire summer with Gellert. If he had he would have never come back. Unless something truly cataclysmic had happened. Was Albus ok?  
No. Stop. Not caring.

“I couldn’t keep seeing him. Every time I went to him, I was reminded that that was why I had lost you. And this war… He could have been something different, something better, but who he is now – I couldn’t… I just couldn’t. He’s – horrifying. What he believes in, what he is willing to do. In the end I was feeling ashamed of myself.”

He shouldn’t want to know why Albus had stopped seeing Gellert. And honestly, did a five month hiatus even count as stopping? But it pleased him more than it should have to hear that it had, at least in part, had something to do with him.  
‘Stupid,’ Theseus admonished himself. Not for the first time. Not for the last, either, most likely. He was beginning to become resigned to being stupid, when it came to Albus.

If he had had any self-respect, Theseus would have thought that Albus was entirely right to be feeling ashamed of himself. Albus was right to be ashamed, Theseus was right to have brushed off his warnings, and the only right thing left to do was to invite Albus to show himself out.  
But Albus was hurting. It was his own fault, but that didn't make it any easier for Theseus to bear. Albus had let Gellert hurt him, had hurt himself, and while there wasn't really anything Theseus could do to make it better...

Theseus walked over to Albus. They clung to each other.  
“I love you, Theseus. I never stopped loving you.”  
“I know, Albus.”

Theseus took down Albus’ hair and ran his fingers through it. He gazed at Albus, still as handsome as he had been when they first kissed, nine years ago. Nothing Albus might do would change how much Theseus loved him, needed him, wanted him.  
Theseus’ feelings began to shift. How could he still think he needed Albus? Why did he still want Albus, want to comfort Albus? He was furious at himself – and furious at Albus for coming over and turning his life upside-down _again_ just as he was getting ready to leave.  
But his anger didn’t change the fact that Albus was hurt, that Theseus did want him, that they loved each other.

“I have missed you, so much. Nothing about my life feels right without you in it. It tore me apart to leave you. You, Albus – _You tore me apart_.”  
This was going to hurt. But anything he did at this point was going to hurt so –

Theseus took Albus’ head in his hands, and kissed him roughly – a kiss full of anger and longing and must have you right now. He pushed Albus up against the wall, and began tearing his clothes off by hand.

Albus moaned. “Please, Theseus –“  
“Yes. Gods, yes. Tell me –“  
“Fuck me.”  
“Tell me you’re mine.”  
“I’m yours. All yours, Theseus.”  
Theseus knew it wasn’t true, but he was willing to give in to that delusion for one night.  
“Please! Take me. Gods...” Albus pleaded.

Theseus cast a lubricating and a stretching charm. He was not waiting, and honestly he was still too angry to go in for any fucking body worshiping at the moment. He just wanted to stuff Albus full of his cock. To own him. Even if just for tonight.  
He spun Albus around so that he was facing the wall. He bit his shoulder hard. “You’re a fucking nightmare, Albus, you know that?”

Theseus positioned himself. He reminded himself, ‘Don’t hurt Albus. You don’t want to hurt him. Not really.’ But he _did_ want to hurt Albus. He pushed hard against Albus’ resistance, not trying to be gentle.  
Albus whined.  
“Words, Albus.”  
“Yes! Yes, fuck, I don’t deserve your cock.”  
“That’s right you don’t.”  
Theseus stilled. What the fuck was he doing? 

Albus looked over his shoulder. “Theseus?”  
“I can’t do this.”  
“Theseus, please –“  
“I – gods, are you ok? I hurt you!”  
“It didn't hurt any more than I deserve.”  
“No, Albus. I’m not going to brutalize you, or punish you. I don’t want to insult you or humiliate you. That’s – I’d rather not have sex at all.”  
Theseus pulled out.

“I do want you, but I don’t want to take you like this. Against the wall. Angry. I want to see you. I want - I want to take care of you, Albus. Bedroom.”  
“I thought I wasn’t welcome in –“  
“Don’t make me reconsider the invitation. Bedroom?”  
Albus turned around and kissed Theseus tentatively. “Bedroom.”

Theseus stepped back and looked Albus up and down. “You are gorgeous, you know that? I’ve missed everything about you.”  
“So - I'm not a nightmare?”  
“Gods, you are. A beautiful nightmare. I can’t get enough of you.”  
“Theseus – I need – “  
“Need me, I know. I need you too. Come here.”  
Theseus ran his hands up and down Albus’ arms then pulled him in for a kiss – the inside of his mouth was so soft and hot, always better than he remembered. His lips, the soft noises he made. Theseus had no interest in breaking his mouth away from Albus’, so there was only one option –

Albus did not notice they were beside the bed for a full minute – he must have been as consumed by their kiss as Theseus had been. When they pulled apart to catch their breath, Albus looked around and laughed with abandon. “Impatient, are you?”  
They would have only had to cover 4, maybe 5 yards – but it had still seemed too far.  
“Yes, well, I wish I had been less impatient with your arse. Preparing you is one of my favorite parts.”  
“In the morning, then.”

Theseus groaned. They had barely gotten started tonight, and already Albus was planning to do it again. He needed him _right now_. Then again… Body worshipping was sounding more and more like a good idea.  
Theseus tossed Albus on the bed and knelt between his legs.  
He gingerly ran two fingers over Albus’ mistreated hole and whispered a healing spell.  
‘I love you,’ he thought. ‘I’m sorry, so sorry.’  
Theseus licked Albus there, and Albus moaned. Theseus pulled away. 

“I think that I might need to torture you a bit first, what do you think?”  
“I think I’m ready for you now.”  
“I think not.”

Theseus bent down and covered Albus’ stomach with open mouthed kisses. He moved to his hip and down one thigh, slowly working his way down to his toes, licking a broad stripe up the sole of his foot, making Albus writhe.  
“Theseus!”  
“Not done yet, Albus.”

Theseus worked his way up the other leg, then licked Albus’ balls, and then _finally_ he slowly dragged his tongue from the base of Albus’ cock up to the head, and took it all in his mouth.  
Albus moaned. Theseus loved it when Albus lost his words, when he could only make meaningless noises. He listened for the noises that meant ‘Fuck, yes!’ – there it was, the rising pitch that indicated Albus was barely holding it together. He slowed to a stop whenever Albus got too close - taking him right up to the edge and not letting him fall over.  
Finally, Albus began to make a frustrated sound, digging his fingernails into Theseus' shoulders. It was time. Theseus took Albus deeper and deeper still, going achingly slow, and pressed the heel of his hand up against Albus’ balls while running his fingers to Albus’ hole and back. He felt Albus’ balls begin to draw up, and at the last minute, pulled back just enough so that Albus’ come wouldn’t shoot down his throat untasted. He licked his way slowly up Albus’ body, stopping on his collarbone. He loved to suck on the skin just above it, to lick the soft skin on his neck, to tease his earlobe. 

“Theseus! Gods. That was – Aaaaa – Too much now! Gaaah!“  
Theseus lightly ran his finger down Albus’ arm, and Albus shuddered.  
“Mmm. So sensitive. Too sensitive for me to be inside you?”  
“No. Yes. Not now? But – two minutes. Five? Two. Just –“  
“Lay on you?”  
“Yes. Oh yes. I’ve missed you.”  
“I’ve missed you too.”

“Don’t go?”  
“Oh, Albus. If I could, I would stay. To see if we could – it’s too late now, Love. I promised. They’re expecting me. As soon as I signed up it was too late. Last month. I’m so sorry. I love you. You know I love you, right?”  
Albus sighed. “I know. Maybe when all this is over –“

He shouldn’t. He had said he wouldn’t. Not ever again.  
“Let’s not talk about it now, Albus. I just want us to enjoy each other tonight.”  
“And tomorrow morning.”  
“Yes. And tomorrow morning.”

*****

When Theseus woke, Albus was still asleep, facing away from him, completely wrapped in the covers. He always managed to make a cocoon for himself in the middle of the night. Theseus regarded him fondly. Blanket thief. He untucked the blanket, and Albus grumbled a bit in his sleep. Theseus moved in so that he could lay against Albus’ warm naked body, wrap his arm around him. Smell his Albus-y scent. He brushed some of Albus’ hair out of the way and kissed his back.

Theseus knew this had been a bad idea, but he was determined not to remember why. A lot of the things he had done with Albus had been bad ideas, but from these adventures Theseus had learned that once committed to a dubious course of action, there was nothing to be done but to enjoy it as much as possible. And this could not be more enjoyable at the moment. He wiggled in closer. 

“Mmmm…” said Albus in a sleepy voice. “Sooo good. I’ve missed this. Touch me?”  
Yes. Anything.  
Or – anything for the next two hours. Then it would be time to leave, without knowing when or whether he would be back.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We actually get to see Gellert in person, taunting Theseus.

Chapter 10  
April 1919

Theseus had a theory. If Grindelwald had incited the Great War as part of his global war on Muggles, and if he had participated in it in order to increase the casualties, why wouldn’t he want a hand in the ending of it? After all, seeds of new wars could be sown in the ending of an old war. Not to mention the effects that reparations could have on civilian populations if treaties were not carefully drawn. A Confundus here, an Imperius there, and the war on Muggles could move forward with very little effort on Gellert’s part.

If Theseus was right, that meant that Grindelwald, along with several co-conspirators, would be in Paris monitoring the Peace Conference. Theseus wanted to know what they had planned. He had no intention of going up against Gellert himself, but perhaps he could find one of his minions and bring him in for – questioning. Taking apart someone important to Gellert was his favourite daydream at the moment – he was constantly imagining which methods he would start with, at what point they would break. And if he sometimes imagined that it was Gellert at his mercy instead...

So, he had persuaded the DMLE to send him to Paris to test his theory and attempt an arrest.

Theseus hadn’t meant to ever return to the DMLE, but what choice did he have? He wasn't a good fit for teaching at the moment. The War seemed to make everything about home seem trivial, basic – boring. There were not that many adrenaline bursts in the course of being a Defence instructor. At least, not if you were doing your job properly.  
Theseus had thought about being a Hit Wizard this time around. More action, less paperwork. But being an Auror involved puzzle solving, which helped keep his mind occupied from the time he woke in the morning until he fell asleep at night. No time to second guess choices or miss – anyone. 

So far, he had heard only a few vague wisps of rumour around Place Cachée, and he had seen no Wizard he recognized near the Conference delegates. He had taken to frequenting bars and cafés in Muggle Paris – if he wasn’t at work, not making progress was explicable. Better than the growing frustration of making no progress while actively investigating.

It was during his fifth week in Paris that he saw him. Theseus had only seen Gellert one time before – on the battlefield. He was glorious. His long blond hair held back in Viking style braids, a look of mixed intensity and giddy intoxication on his face as he threw curses with a rapidity that astonished Theseus. The curses had such power behind them that they knocked down as many as six men at a time. ‘Grindelwald!’ he heard a nearby Wizard whisper in fear.  
So, that was Gellert. Theseus understood it the moment he saw him. Honestly, if the man had demanded to fuck Theseus right there in front of everyone, in the midst of the carnage all around them, he might have given in willingly. Gellert was awe-inspiring – the entire battlefield seemed to vanish – he became the only thing relevant in all the world. His charisma alone would have made Gellert Grindelwald the most dangerous wizard in modern history. 

As soon as he shook himself out of his stupor, Theseus started truly paying attention to his duelling style. Gellert had few weaknesses, but Theseus did spot one – every spell he cast was grandiose – the boldest, most powerful, most impressive spell that might be cast in the moment. Why a tripping jinx when you could set loose a horse made out of fiendfyre?  
A few trembling souls went up against him with their best and were dispatched coldly. That was a mistake. He was expecting a frontal assault.  
Yes, with a little creativity, there was a chance that Theseus could take him down. And if he didn’t, then Gellert could tell Albus himself that he had killed Theseus. It would serve Albus right. But in the end, he disapparated away. Albus had wanted them not to face each other, and Theseus had a bad habit of giving Albus whatever he wanted.

What was Grindelwald doing in a Muggle café, wearing Muggle clothes with a Muggle haircut? If he was trying to hide, he wasn’t trying very hard - even in this disguise of sorts he was perfectly recognizable. He radiated power, authority, and sexuality even while quietly drinking coffee. 

While Theseus thought about what to do, in walked Albus. He sat with Gellert, not noticing Theseus at all. They began arguing about – something. Theseus couldn’t hear. They must have had some sort of modified silencing charm on their table. It was becoming heated. Albus slapped the table, and Theseus discretely slipped his Wand out of his holster, momentarily forgetting Gellert’s inability to harm Albus in his instinctual need to protect him.  
But then Albus sighed and rubbed his neck and rolled his eyes. He listened with his head tipped to one side and nodded. And then after a slowly growing smile, Albus suddenly threw back his head and laughed. Laughed in a way that Theseus knew to be exceedingly rare, in a way that he had only ever seen Albus laugh with him. Albus wiped his eyes and smiled and said something, then reached across the table and allowed their fingertips to brush against one another briefly. Dangerous, that. 

It was at that moment that Gellert looked over at Theseus, smiled lazily, and then winked. That Merlin cursed son of a Jarvey fucker. He had known Theseus was there all along. He had wanted Theseus to know that he had what Theseus wanted. Had he known somehow that Theseus would be there? Was that possible? Theseus hadn't known himself where he was headed that morning. Was it just a dumb coincidence? It felt very much planned, somehow. 

Albus followed Gellert’s gaze and made eye contact with Theseus. He looked – resigned. Theseus raised an eyebrow at him and turned away. He was not going to leave the café. If his presence made Albus uncomfortable, then good. If not – then he at least wasn’t going to give Gellert the satisfaction of running off as if this mattered. This didn’t matter.  
After all, it had been four years. And if Theseus hadn’t moved on exactly, he _had_ slept with men and women both during the War. He hadn’t really expected to return to Albus. (Leaving aside for the moment that he hadn’t expected to return _at all_.) So, if Albus was with someone else… 

But he wasn’t just with someone else. He was with Gellert.

Fuck it. He _was_ going to leave. No matter how Theseus chose to respond, Gellert had won, from the moment that Albus walked in the door. He had flaunted his relationship with Albus, and he had engineered it so that Theseus would certainly decide not to even try to bring him in. Gellert wanted Theseus to choke on his willingness to put every Witch and Wizard in Europe in danger, simply to protect a Wizard who had never really been his. He had done it on the battlefield, and now he was doing it here.  
Gellert had taken Theseus down with one characteristically extravagant gesture. So why stay to finish a cup of coffee he could no longer stomach?

Out on the street, Theseus put on his hat and headed back towards Place Cachée. He heard footsteps coming up behind him – Albus’ footsteps. It sounded like he was alone. Theseus turned into the first alley he came to and waited for Albus to follow.  
Albus entered not long afterwards, stopping a good five feet away.

“So, _Love_ , tell me about Grindelwald.”  
“I couldn’t tell you what he is up to these days. The Great War seems to have gone about as he hoped. As for his next steps… I'm working on figuring that out. It's suggestive that he is in Paris right now, with the Peace Conference...”  
“Albus. Honestly. You know what I’m asking. You’re together.”  
“No, Theseus. Obviously, he would love for you to think so, but no.”  
“So, what was all that, then?”  
“The conversation? We’ve known each other for years. He’s – familiar.”  
“He certainly was.”  
“It’s not – It seems important to maintain the connection. To keep an eye on him, have a sense of what he is going to do next. But I’m clear enough that I don’t want him that I’m able to fight the compulsion. I have managed to meet him without – giving in to him a few times now.”  
If touching him in public was what ‘fighting the compulsion’ looked like…

“Hmm. And how many times have you met him and given in after all?”  
Albus huffed in exasperation.  
“It’s a valid question, Albus. These times when you have been meeting him, 'just to keep an eye on him' - have there been intermittent failures? Or, I suppose successes, depending on how you look at it.”  
“No, Theseus. I’ve been able to hold the line.”  
“And how many times have you gone to him intending to have sex from the start?”  
Albus’ face hardened. 

“This isn’t your business anymore.”  
“That is exactly right, Albus. So I’m not at all clear on why you followed me.”  
“I want – I wanted to see you.”

“It would have been easy enough to see me if you had answered my owls.”  
“I was embarrassed. How could I answer now, when I hadn’t answered before?”  
“Albus. I wrote to you. Obviously, I was inviting an answer.”  
“Yes, well. It seems obvious _now_. Sitting alone in my room, not so obvious.”

“You would have had no reason for embarrassment if you had answered even a single one of my owls during the War.”  
“I was hoping that I would be able to forget about you, so that losing you wouldn’t hurt so badly.”  
“Albus. That’s mental. You know that, right?”

“I – was expecting you not to come back, honestly.”  
“When I left, I had thought I'd be back in six months. But... you were not wrong to give me up for lost the moment I left. It was – I couldn’t even describe it to you. I hadn't been there three months before I decided there was no hope of me returning. And of course they moved us all to the Western Front before the end. You were right that I shouldn’t have gone, but it was too late by the time you said so.”  
“It was too late by the time I found out.”  
That was probably true. He hadn’t been speaking to Albus at that point.

“Albus. Why do you really meet with him?”  
“I understand that you think there is some more personal motive, Theseus, but –“  
“Fuck you, Albus.”  
“Fine. He’s funny, and bright, and he was my best friend once. And maybe one day I’ll be able to convince him –“

“Good luck with that.”  
“You asked, Theseus.”  
“That doesn’t mean I have to like the answer. I _had_ hoped that you were going to mention trying to get the blood pact back.”  
Albus broke eye contact. “I’ve been unsuccessful so far. It's too difficult.”  
“Between the two of you, he is the one with all of the power while he holds it. You know this. Even if you never manage to break the blood pact, simply _possessing_ it would relax the compulsion for you, and strengthen the effect on him. I know you can’t want to be controlled like this. There are only two sane choices, Albus. Staying in Britain, which is the only place he can’t go, or stealing the blood pact. Still seeing him without trying to change the balance of power between the two of you... it's masochistic. And it puts other people in danger, too.”

Albus started picking at the wall of the alley, as if mortar had suddenly become an area of interest for him.  
“He _can_ come to Britain. He has – we have mostly met in Britain.”  
“What?! How?”  
“He – he’s so good at self-transfiguration, he can be – anyone.”  
“And you haven’t alerted anyone –“  
“I can’t, Theseus. You know I can’t – turning him in would count as doing him harm. Which I can’t do. I can’t tell you or anyone where he is – especially in Britain, where he would be kissed by Dementors on sight.”  
“So, you are not safe anywhere. Getting the pact seems more important than ever. Doing that doesn’t count as doing him harm. It only – sways the balance of power a bit.”  
A great deal.

“He keeps it on him all the time. I have run out of ideas for how to get it away from him.”  
“I can help you think of a way.”  
It was out of Theseus’ mouth without even thinking about it. He was promising to work closely with Albus, as they had used to do, which was exactly the sort of thing he should not be doing.  
“You would –“  
“Of course, I would. You are trapped. You should have more of a say in your life.”

“You must think I’m –“  
“I doubt you have any idea what I think of you. Yes, I’m angry and disgusted, but that’s not all I am, and no, I don’t want to discuss it with you.”  
“I – I’m sorry.”  
Theseus rolled his eyes. If sorrys had any monetary value, he could buy Gringotts.

“So, you are meeting with him, you enjoy his company, you are having sex with him, and you are making no effort to break away from him. Which somehow doesn’t qualify as being back together.”  
“I’m not ‘having sex with him.’ It’s been… two years since we last…”  
“So, during this War, when you were so worried about me, you were having sex with someone that you warned me against, because he might be looking to kill me. Honestly, Albus.”  
“That’s – why I stopped.”  
“I imagine it is not the only reason you stopped. I imagine he was also less and less available.”

Theseus waited for Albus to meet his eyes, and looked at him for a moment more before speaking. “You’re sure you’re not having sex with him anymore?”  
“I hope that I would know.”  
“I mean –“  
“You mean you don’t trust me to tell you the truth.”  
“I – don’t know, Albus.”  
Albus nodded sadly.  
“Well, I’m not. Sleeping with him.”

“It seems you are missing out, then, because he is something of a god on the battlefield. If he is anything like that in bed, I would completely understand…”  
“It sounds like you want to sleep with him more than I do.”  
It was true that Gellert was magnetic, incredibly attractive, but only if you could ignore his politics, his past, his morality, how he had treated Albus… Which apparently Albus could do. Theseus couldn’t. 

“Are you with _anyone_ then?”  
“Not – as such.”  
Ah. Lots of nothing serious, then.  
“You?”  
“Same. Not as such. A great deal more ‘not as such’ during the War than now. Being about to die all the time gives everything a certain immediacy.”

“Theseus – “ Albus stepped forward and touched Theseus’ face, and Theseus remembered the first time that Albus had done that – what a surprise it had been, such a confusion of feelings - so strange how similar it felt right now, in this alley in Paris, 13 years later. Theseus forgot all of his doubt and frustration as his whole world narrowed to the warmth of Albus’ hand and the look on Albus’ face.  
Albus was getting still closer – he could feel his breath on his face, taste it on his lips.  
Theseus met Albus’ lips with his own, searching for a certainty he knew he wouldn’t find. This kiss needed to be the last one, but it wouldn’t be. Somehow, it never was. 

Suddenly he felt something snap. He took a step back.  
“Albus, I can’t keep doing this.”  
“We could – this time could be different – Theseus, please. You said before you left - “  
“That was more than four years ago. And I had no word from you in all that time. It was the longest I’d gone without hearing from you since I was sixteen – do you understand that? Four years. I had a lot of time to think about things – about us. We have already tried to make this work twice. What makes you think a third try could possibly end differently?”

“That whole time, until the War ended, I was waiting for you to die. And I knew that if you did, it would be Gellert’s fault – it was his war. I can’t forgive him for that. It’s one more thing added to the list of things I can’t forgive him for.”  
“Albus –“

“No, Theseus. I didn’t know how it would feel to lose you until I lost you the first time. It was so painful. You were my friend, my partner, my lover… I missed you every day. So, when we got back together, I knew I never wanted to feel that way again. The only thing that could have broken us up was Gellert. And now – Gellert isn’t a threat anymore.”

Gellert wasn’t a threat? Gellert was going to be a threat as long as that blood pact existed. And he might say that he was incapable of forgiving Gellert, but Albus had still fucked him for the first two years of the War. He was still meeting with him. As friends? Sure, for now. Then again, they sure had looked like more than friends at that table in the café. Either way, Albus still hadn’t cut Gellert off. He was most certainly a threat.

Albus stepped towards Theseus again.  
“Theseus. Please. I want you back in my life.”  
Theseus wanted Albus too. It was insane. He hated himself a little. He grabbed Albus’ face in both hands and slammed into Albus with such force he was surprised he didn’t knock him over. Without removing his lips from Albus’, he walked him back against the wall and pressed against him. He felt Albus hard against his thigh, so he increased the pressure until Albus moaned.  
His dwindling sense of self-preservation had clearly taken off on holiday the moment Albus had said ‘please,’ leaving Theseus free to steer his ship straight into the rocks _again_.

He pulled away and looked at Albus’ kiss swollen lips, the cautiously hopeful look in his eyes.  
“Find your way free of whatever ‘not as such’ you have going on at the moment, and… maybe. The best I can promise is that we’ll talk about it. If you miss me, then you need to show me that you miss me. Make an effort.”  
Theseus knew he was going to regret opening this door.  
_Opening_ the door? With that kiss, he had opened the door and walked right through it. What had happened to ‘you are going to lose me forever’? 

“Tonight, Theseus. I could meet you tonight, we could –“  
Tonight would be – Theseus ached to take Albus immediately, but that would be a disaster. If they were going to do this, they couldn’t do it impulsively.  
“No, it’s too soon. I – whatever you say about your current relationship with Gellert, I just saw you with him, and it was too difficult for me. You looked so happy with him. And then you touched him… I can’t tonight. I’ll be back in London by next week. Come find me. But only once you’re unencumbered. Understood?” 

Theseus turned and walked back towards the street.  
“I love you,” Albus called after him.  
Theseus didn’t answer or even look back. He’d heard ‘I love you’ from Albus in so many incongruous situations that the words didn’t carry meaning anymore. No, if he took Albus back, it would have to be with the understanding that it didn’t matter whether or not Albus loved him. There were few words he trusted less.  
He reached the sidewalk and continued on the way he had been going when Albus came after him. 

Grindelwald knew he was in Paris, and had ensured that Theseus couldn't touch him. And the DMLE was not going to approve any request from him to send someone else, someone unknown to Grindelwald and his organisation, given that Theseus had failed to get any results. Whatever Gellert was up to, he was going to get away with it. It was time for Theseus to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems that I can't write Gellert any other way than as unspeakably sexy, no matter what other qualities he might or might not have. Even Theseus would fuck him... if he were not a murderous criminal who has been manipulating Albus.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chiara_Polairix recommends "Duele el amor" by Aleks Syntek

Chapter 11  
July 1921

“Theseus!” Albus called from the bedroom. He came striding into the sitting room, where Theseus was lying on the sofa with a recently published book on ley lines, rolling his eyes and making corrections with the blue pencil Albus had bought for him at a Muggle stationery shop.  
“What is it you are always saying? I shouldn’t read things that make me angry? Perhaps the problem is not with me, but with the publishers who are putting out so much ignorant –“  
Theseus’ words died in his mouth as he looked up at Albus, who was looking at him sternly, and holding… oh, no.

“Theseus. What is this?”  
Veritaserum. Gods, why had he brought that home? No, he knew why he had brought it home, but – he never should have done it.  
“Ah. That’s a relatively new potion, invented during the War. It is only available to government agencies currently.”  
“So, it’s not some kind of intoxicant?”  
“What?! No, Albus. Nothing like that.”  
“You’ve just been acting so – off lately. And it was unlabeled, and…”  
“And you were worried. Come here, Love.”

Theseus sat up to make room for Albus on the sofa. He put his hand on Albus’ face – kind, concerned, handsome. He ached. Why did he want more from Albus? He shouldn’t need any more than what he had – it should be enough. He kissed Albus, slowly exploring his mouth with his tongue. He tasted like tea with too much sugar.  
“I rely on two intoxicants only – you and firewhiskey. And I’m trying to cut back on the firewhiskey.”

Albus pulled back and fixed Theseus with a mock-accusatory look as he held up the vial.  
"Don't think you can flatter your way out of me questioning you about this illegally obtained potion!"  
"Illegally obtained?" Theseus asked, in equally put-on offense.  
“'Only available to government agencies...' That almost certainly means you are not supposed to have this at home.”

“Strictly speaking, no. I should probably take it back.”  
“I suppose that depends on why you brought it home in the first place.”  
“It was impulsive – and then I forgot I had it –“  
He hadn’t forgotten. He had been ashamed that he had it, and returning it would mean having to revisit that particularly bad day when he had distrusted Albus enough to think dosing him would be a good idea.

Albus’ face hardened.  
“You used to not deflect so much, Theseus. You are telling me everything but _what this is_.”  
No, Albus had always been the one deflecting. Theseus sighed and ran his hand through his hair.  
“You’re right. This is used for interrogations. It smells like nothing, tastes like nothing… it’s clear, as you can see. That makes it easy to disguise in – well, anything. It’s illegal to dose anyone against their will, of course – that’s as good as an Imperius. But during the War no one cared much about that sort of thing.”

“An Imperius… it – _forces you_ to tell the truth?”  
“If asked. If the person who has been dosed hears any question, they are compelled to answer it truthfully.”  
“And you had this at home because – Theseus! You fucking – you were going to dose me with this?”  
“No. No – I mean yes – I mean, that’s why I brought it home. But I didn’t – as soon as I was here, I knew I couldn’t. That it wasn’t right.”  
“But you still wanted to.”

“Albus – “  
“Gods! We dance around everything anymore. I wish you would just –“  
“Trust you? Is that what you want? Do you think I don’t want that too?”  
“Then why don’t you?”  
“I can’t just _decide_ to trust you, Albus! I have been wrong to trust you more than once.”  
“But things are different now!”  
“And I’m supposed to know that?! How?”

They looked at one another, both breathing heavily from the shouting. Theseus looked away first. He was wrong. He knew he was wrong. But he wasn’t sure if the mistake was bringing home the potion, or if it was returning to someone who he distrusted enough to make him want to bring home the potion.

Albus went to the sideboard and poured two fingers of firewhiskey for each of them. He sat down on one end of the sofa and stretched out a bit, pushing a foot against Theseus’ thigh to get his attention. Theseus looked up.  
Albus held up the vial. “This is how.”

“Albus, you don’t have to –“  
“No, I think I do. I think _we_ do. We are both going to take it. We can take turns asking questions. This was not a bad idea at all. That is, dosing me against my will was a very bad idea, offensive, but you didn’t actually do it, so having brought it home is not particularly hard to forgive. And now that it is here… I consent. But only if you do it too.”

Theseus thought about it. There was a reason that this was a bad idea, he knew there was. There must be. He didn’t know what that reason was right now, but he was certain it would be revealed when it was too late. The damage that could be done…

“I don’t know if it is a good idea, Albus.”  
Albus uncapped the vial.  
“How much?”  
“No, listen. It works best when the person is dosed without their knowledge. You can fight it if you know.”  
“Fight it – but not completely overcome it?”  
“Most can’t, but I have overcome it before. If I can do it, you certainly can. And then what? Why bother if we can’t completely trust each other’s answers anyway?”

Albus thought about this. “So, we take double the dose. And we take it with alcohol…”  
“You’re not really supposed to do that.”  
“All the better. How long does it last?”  
“Thirty minutes, and then if we want to keep going, we have to dose again. We can dose up to 6 times before it becomes toxic.”

“So, three doses for us? An hour and a half? That seems adequate.”  
“That would have us drinking an awful lot of firewhiskey – I don’t know if that’s safe with the Veritaserum.”  
“So, I pour less next time. How much?”  
“If we double it? Ten drops.”  
Theseus looked at the tumbler. This was a very bad idea. Undeniably stupid.  
“To utterly destroying our relationship,” he said, lifting his glass.  
“To trying to save it,” Albus answered, and they drank.

Albus set down his empty tumbler and tapped Theseus with his foot.  
“You first.”  
“Do you want Gellert more than you want me?”  
“Yes.”  
Theseus flinched. The Veritaserum was working then. Albus didn’t hedge that answer at all.

“So why aren’t you with him instead of with me?”  
“Being with Gellert comes with a number things that I don’t want. Like his revolution, and him murdering people, and me having to stop teaching and become a fugitive. You’re almost as good as Gellert, and you don’t come with anything I don’t want.”  
‘Almost as good.’ Yes, this was a disaster already.

“That was two questions. It’s my turn to ask. You had to know this. Why are you asking questions that you already know the answers to?”  
“Because I want to be angry at you. And at me. I knew hearing you say you would rather be with Gellert would make me angry. At both of us. There are questions I want to ask that I won't ask if I'm not angry.”

Albus opened his mouth to speak, but Theseus interrupted.  
“No. My turn. Do you mean it when you say you love me? And does it mean something different than when you say 'I love you' to Gellert?”  
“Yes, I mean it. And I don’t say ‘I love you’ to Gellert anymore.”  
“But when you did.”

“No. It doesn’t mean the same thing. The first summer, with Gellert, it meant that there was no one else, that he was everything. When I first realized I loved you, Gellert was always there. You were never going to be everything. But you are always there too, so he is never going to be everything again either. I’ve only said it once to him since he has come back and he mocked me with it. It isn’t safe to say to him. I think it bothers him that he isn’t everything anymore.”  
Theseus could relate.

Albus took a deep breath. Whatever he was going to ask next, it seemed like he was scared of hearing the answer. Theseus pulled one of Albus' feet up into his lap and began massaging it.  
"Thank you, Love. You are so good to me."  
"Of course, I am. I love you. Besides, I adore your feet."  
Albus smiled weakly. “I know. I don't understand it. But if it gets me foot rubs..."

"Albus. You're stalling. It's ok if you don't want to ask. Ask me something else. There's no rule that you have to ask the scariest possible thing."  
"No, I need to know. I worry about it all the time. Are you planning to leave me?”  
“No." Albus was not carefully phrasing his questions, thank the gods. Just because Theseus had no plans at the moment, that didn't mean he didn't think about it. But for now, leaving would hurt more than it was hurting to stay.  
"Theseus - if you ever think you are about to leave - tell me? Whatever you need - I don't want you to go. Not ever."

This would have usually been the cue for Theseus to draw Albus to him and kiss him reassuringly, but not now. He could not waste the Veritaserum, nor would he waste his anger. Time for him to start asking his own hard questions.  
“Is the sex better with Gellert?”  
"No."  
Later, Theseus would reflect that he should have just stopped there. That that had really been the most important information when it came to sex with Gellert. But at the time, his insecurity could not accept something so simple as a 'no.'  
"So the sex is better with me, then."  
"No."  
“That doesn't make any sense, Albus. How could you answer 'no' to both questions?”  
Albus was quiet. That was a sign. He was trying to fight it.  
“Albus,” Theseus growled. “If you want me to trust your answers –“

“Telling you requires me to tell you details you might not want to know.”  
“At this point, hearing second by second details of every time Gellert has so much as touched your cock couldn’t do any more damage than imagining it.”  
“I don’t think that’s true.”  
“Right now, I think that’s true, which is good enough for the Veritaserum to let me say it.”

“Fine. He – I’m the one who penetrates him, when we have sex. So the experience is totally different with you. I have never fucked anyone but Gellert, and I have never been fucked by anyone but you, because I never want to compare either of you to anyone else. You are singular.”  
“That’s why you have never topped me.”  
“Correct. So – I can’t really compare.”

“But there are so many things that you could compare, Albus. You could compare orgasms, blowjobs, frotting...”  
“Theseus! You can’t really want - yes, sex is better with some people than with others. But when it comes to you and Gellert - generally speaking there are no grounds for saying one of you is better than the other. People are different, so of course the specifics are different, but you are both incredibly attentive, I love both of you, you are both aggressive, you both know what I like. You both are intense, and you both deliver completely brain erasing orgasms. Is the sex outstanding? Yes. Everything I want in the moment? Yes. What sense does a word like 'better' make in that context?"

This would have been another good opportunity for Theseus to let Albus ask a question. He would be unable to say later if it was his general masochism when it came to all things Albus & Gellert, or if it was his day job leaking into the proceedings (the more details the better in the interrogation room), but he felt compelled to push on, to wring every last piece of information out of Albus.  
"So give me specifics, then."  
"Your cock is bigger, if that makes a difference to you."  
It didn't really make a difference to Theseus - in any case, he had an idea that he was... well larger than average. But he imagined that it would make a difference to Gellert. He started laughing.

"Can you imagine! If Gellert were here! He'd be apoplectic!" Theseus could barely get the words out, he was laughing so hard.  
"That is not funny, Theseus. He might Crucio you to death if he knew. He likes me well enough that I'd just get a quick Avada for telling you."  
Theseus would remind himself later that Albus had said that under the influence of Veritaserum - which could only mean he legitimately believed that Gellert would kill them - literally. Which was indeed, as Albus said, not funny at all. But in the moment, even being Crucio'd to death seemed funny if it meant that Gellert was losing control, jealous of _him_. As much time as Theseus spent comparing himself to Gellert, let Gellert compare himself to Theseus for once, and hang the consequences.

"No, no! _First_ he would create some sort of focused variation on Engorgio, so that he could make his cock bigger than mine. _Then_ he'd Crucio me to death."  
"Gods. I pity the person Gellert has sex with next after that. Bigger than yours? There needs to be a limit, Dear."  
Theseus started laughing again, "Hello, I'm Gellert centaur-cock Grindelwald..."  
Albus rolled his eyes. "Yes, definitely less whiskey on the next pour. It must not mix well with the Veritaserum at all."

"Ok, ok. I can - I can - yes. Ok. So my cock is bigger. And that's ok with you?"  
Albus laughed. "Yes. I love your cock. As if I haven't said that enough times in bed to you."  
"No. I know. But I was worried when you said there was 'a limit' that maybe it was bigger than you wanted it to be. But no. Good. More details?"  
"I have had sex with you far more often, so we have done a greater variety of things together. Gellert is more energetic, more athletic in bed. He also lasts longer – you come somewhat more quickly. But you have a shorter refractory period, so we can go again pretty soon after you've come. He's noisier in bed. For what it's worth, that's value neutral to me - it's a difference I've noticed, but I don't have a preference either way. That is, I love that you are who you are, and I love that he is who he is. I wouldn't want either of you to try to be the other. Do you want to hear more? I can’t believe that you want to know any of this.”  
Theseus really didn’t want to know. He wasn't sure why he was still pushing the point. Albus could interrupt any time now - it was well past his turn.

“I don't but - I had to ask. I am always wondering if I am enough for you, comparing myself to him, wondering if you are comparing me to him…”  
“You are more than enough, Theseus. I could have sex with you for the rest of my life, only you, and be satisfied. When I am with you, my need for you is so strong. I – would much rather stop having this conversation and have you fuck me right now. There is one way that I compare the two of you. Gellert – the sex is amazing while we are having it, but since he has returned, when we are lying there together afterwards, I feel sorry that I did it. Somehow that surprises me every time, how much it hurts, because there's that time from before, from when we were first together, when all I felt afterwards was love and euphoria... I feel that way afterwards with you - the love and euphoria, I mean, but never with Gellert anymore. The sex with you is amazing and I have never been sorry afterwards that we did it.”

Theseus hadn't even thought to ask how Albus _felt about_ the sex, or how he felt or what he was thinking about _after_ sex. Thank the gods Albus had volunteered that information - that had been the most reassuring data point so far.

So Albus wasn't having sex with Gellert because it made him feel good in the long run - it was good while it lasted, but once they were done, no. And he wasn't having sex with Gellert because Theseus was deficient in some way. Their sex really was as good for Albus as he had supposed. So if all this was true, Theseus had to wonder -  
“Why do you have sex with Gellert at all?”  
“I crave him, I feel like I’m starving for him. I need him like air. It’s – a compulsion. It feels like – like this Veritaserum – like I don’t have a choice. I think it is the blood pact driving me, because it doesn’t make sense.”

Albus was saying all of this in the present tense, which gave Theseus the impetus he needed to ask the questions that he had brought home the Veritaserum to ask.  
“So how many times have you had sex with him since I left you the last time?”  
“I don't know exactly. I met him for sex at least 20 times between the time you left me and the time I broke it off with him..."  
Twenty times in five months when they hadn't been living together? So - every weekend?  
"And about 10 or 12 times after you left for the War."

“You’ve been asking a lot of questions. It’s my turn. Have you ever used this on me without my knowledge?”  
“No.”  
“Have you used it against _anyone_ without their knowledge?”  
“Yes.”  
“Expand please. When? Why?”

“It’s –“ Theseus struggled against the potion. “classified.”  
“Theseus.”  
“During the War. To root out possible spies. I was trained in interrogation because apparently I have a ‘trustworthy face,’ whatever that means, and because of my intelligence, my discernment in knowing which questions to ask and the order to ask them in. I learned how to keep the suspect from noticing they were being interrogated, which - you'd be surprised how much use those skills get even in a formal interrogation room. You want the suspect or witness to get lulled into thinking that you are just talking casually." 

This was not the direction Theseus wanted to go in. He did not want to know if the work he was doing now was forgivable in Albus' eyes. With Veritaserum off the table as a first step, creativity with a wand had gone back to being the most sought after asset in interrogators, second only to attentiveness, and an ability to build rapport with the person being questioned, even if you were the one who had been responsible for their suffering minutes before. With that skill set, Theseus had become the interrogator of choice at the DMLE.  
"So the Veritaserum. I used it on – perhaps 15 unwitting people? 4 Muggles were shot and 1 Wizard Avada’d as a result of my reports. I was expected to witness each execution.”  
Albus reached out to touch Theseus.  
“Theseus. I’m so –“

Theseus did not want Albus to ask, or even imply a question, so he cut him off.  
“Time to redose.”  
Theseus poured them a splash of firewhiskey, and added the Veritaserum. He lifted his glass to Albus without remark and the two drank.  
“When is the last time you had sex with Gellert?”  
“Two years ago. The afternoon and the evening of the morning I saw you in Paris, when I was in the café with Gellert. And the following morning."  
Fucking Veritaserum. Theseus really hadn't needed to know how many times.  
"Gellert couldn’t stand that I had left him at the table to go after you. He said that if I ever wanted to see him again, I would fuck him. Prove that he was important to me. I didn’t want to lose him. So, I did.”  
And then he did it twice more, because why the fuck not?  
“You haven’t seen him since I moved back in with you, then?"

“I have, but I haven’t touched him. And I haven’t allowed him to touch me.”  
“And the last time you saw him?”  
“Six months ago. He suggested we have sex, and I said no. He said that he knew I wanted to, and I apparated away before I could respond. I didn’t want – I didn’t want to hurt you in that way again. I thought of you, and I wanted you to be right to trust me.”  
Theseus sighed.  
“Thank you Albus.”

Albus looked into his empty glass. “I have one last one.”  
He lifted his eyes. “Do you still love me?”  
“Always, Albus. Merlin help me, I love you no matter what you do. It frightens me. It makes me angry at myself sometimes how much I need you, even when it hurts. Yes, I still love you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”  
“You really don’t? Because you do. A lot.”  
“I really don't. How do I hurt you?”  
“I am all the time knowing that you would rather be with Gellert. So I compare myself to him. I compare my looks to his, my magic to his, my intellect to his…”  
“He isn’t smarter than you – his intellect just – works differently than yours. His intellect is – showier, I guess. He is definitely more powerful magically. Which is tremendously sexy. There’s no one more powerful other than myself, and there are areas in which he surpasses me. He is funnier, but I don’t know that that is an improvement over you, since he uses it to deflect, mainly. And warmer. He is warmer.”

“Warmer?” That one was weirdly unexpected.  
“He gives off more body heat than you. It was terrible that summer, but the few times I’ve seen him in the winter, it is nice to have a heater in bed.”

“And am I ever - preferable to him in any way?”  
“Yes. He cannot cook. You like to snuggle, and he only does that grudgingly. You are more generally protective of me. He is protective too, but mostly of my physical health and whether my talents are being ‘properly appreciated.’ You try to take care of every aspect of me. You are always honest with me - I think that’s why you couldn’t give me the Veritaserum - that would have been too deceptive for you to feel comfortable with. You want me as I am, you don’t expect me to be someone I am not. And you don’t run around starting wars and plotting mass murder. I suspect that the only human being Gellert has ever cared about is me, which, while flattering, is obviously a moral shortcoming.”  
Then Albus added something that Theseus hadn’t asked for:  
“The two of you are fairly evenly matched when it comes to helping me clarify my ideas and plans, and being good company on adventures. And you both want me far more than makes sense to me.”  
"Of course we want you, Albus. You're extraordinary, in every way."  
"It's just that - I'm amazed that you want me at all. You could have anyone -"

“I don't want anyone else, Albus. Even though you still prefer him to me. I don't understand - you say you like so many things about me - how am I only ‘almost as good?’”  
“Those words were inadequate. I didn't have a better way to say it. He – we connected from the very beginning. The moment we met, we were best friends, equals. I never had to hold back with him the way I did with you, since I met you when you were my student. It was so intense – in a matter of weeks I had gone from touching another Wizard’s cock for the first time to giving and receiving my first blow job, to fucking, which we did constantly. I spent the night with Gellert as often as I could. I hadn’t known him a month when I decided that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. He was the most interesting person I had ever met. The first person I had met who could keep up with me, magically and intellectually. We spent every moment we could together. Not just fucking, not just snogging, but reading and arguing and dueling, creating spells together, making plans, sharing our dreams. When we weren't together, we owled each other constantly, sometimes a dozen times in a day.”  
Theseus could imagine how intoxicating that might be, to experience all of those feelings in such a condensed period of time. 

“When I am with him now – it isn’t that I regain the intensity of those two months – I won’t ever have that again, though I long for it, grieve the loss of it. But I recall it – I feel an echo of it. I think that that echo is sustained mainly by the blood pact, in part because of the compulsion, but also because it was made at that time. If I were to meet Gellert for the first time now, it would be obvious that he wouldn’t even approach being ‘almost as good’ as you. He is tremendously sexy - you noticed that too. But you and I are the better match now, in every possible way. But this history I have with Gellert - that will always be there - even if destroying the blood pact makes it less important than it is now.”  
The answer made sense, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

“My turn. Would you ever come back to work at Hogwarts? I miss having you on staff with me.”  
“Never. It was excruciating, being at the school with you for three months after we had broken up. I don’t want to risk that ever happening again.”  
“You said you weren't planning to leave, but you think we are doomed to break up again?”  
“Yes. It is hard to stay with you while you are tied so strongly to Gellert. Between this blood pact and our history - the infidelity, Albus. I think of that so often - I imagine the sex, imagine you deciding that it was worth it to risk losing me over. It's in the past, but that doesn't mean it is over for me.  
"And you having had sex with Gellert when we _weren't_ together hurts me, too - it’s not that I was expecting you to wait for me - I slept with other people too, but... Gellert. We can’t change it now - how many times you've slept with Gellert instead of me, how you feel about him still. But yes, I am afraid that this is going to tear us apart, eventually. I am trying to be satisfied with the part of you that I have. I have so much of you. And I love you. And I want to stay. So – I’m trying, Albus.”

Then Theseus asked what he knew he shouldn't ask. There was only one right answer, and if Albus gave the wrong answer, it could destroy them. But if Albus gave the right answer, he could stop worrying.  
"When we were together last time - did you meet Gellert to have sex more than the two times I know about?"  
"No."  
"Thank all the fucking gods above. I was afraid you had, and then I would be angry, and I might yell at you, and trust you less, and I do not want to be taking Veritaserum every weekend."  
"I hate it when you yell at me. I am undecided about Veritaserum."  
"I'm enjoying getting straight answers out of you, but this conversation has been exhausting, and I am ready to go back to normal weekend activities. Like reading, and sex, and packing for our next trip."

“Theseus? I miss what we had before. Before Gellert came back.”  
Theseus thought that all the time. He daydreamed about it. So much that it wasn't healthy.  
"Me too. But we are not getting that time back. This is who we are now."  
"I love you. Not just then. Now too."  
Theseus was tempted to ask Albus what he meant _exactly_ when he said 'I love you', but he was afraid of the answer. He had already forced plenty of words out of Albus - words that he could never unhear.

“So, Albus. Did you get what you wanted out of this?”  
“What I wanted was for you to trust me. Did it work?”  
“No. I don't trust you or anyone else anymore. But also yes. You haven’t had sex with Gellert in two years, so that was helpful. And it was good to know that you didn't hide sex with him from me when we were together. You’ve still been seeing him behind my back, which is concerning. I shouldn’t have asked about what the sex was like, because I really don’t like thinking about it. I suppose the good part of all of this is that what you have been telling me is mostly true, and the lies are mostly about things that are irrelevant. But I don’t like that you’ve been seeing him. I want you to stop. Will you stop?”

“No. I want to say that I will stop. And I mean to stop. But I know that eventually I will go see him again, in spite of my intentions. And I might not tell you, because I am afraid you will try to stop me, and we will argue. The blood pact – it draws me, I want to be near it. And he holds it, so -”  
“I want you to tell me the truth. So, tell me when you are going, and I promise not to stop you, even though it hurts me for you to see him. I will ask you not to go each time, but only once.”  
“Ok. Then I will tell you.”

“Good. I don’t think we need the third dose.”  
“No. Do you want to kiss me?”  
“So much. But I think we should wait to have sex until the Veritaserum wears off.”  
“That’s fair. I was looking forward to Veritaserum sex, but you are probably right that that would be a terrible idea. I like that you protect me from my terrible ideas.”  
“Only inasmuch as that is possible. We have done some very stupid things together.”  
“You think so?”  
“I do. Please don’t ask.”

Albus arched one eyebrow and smiled mischievously.  
“What have we –“  
“Albus!”  
“Ok, ok. Not asking. We were going to kiss each other?”  
“Yes. Let’s stop talking.”

Albus climbed onto Theseus’ lap.  
“I love you. You are sexy and kind and brilliant, and when I am with you, I don’t want to be anywhere else.”  
Theseus looked at Albus in shock. “Really?”  
“Try lying.”  
“I – “  
Theseus tried to get out the words that he was leaving, that he didn’t love Albus anymore. He couldn’t.

“You’re telling the truth. You want to be here. With me.” Theseus said in wonder.  
Theseus silenced the part of him that was telling him there was a difference between wanting to be with him when they were in the same room and wanting to be with him no matter where he was – even when he was with Gellert. He wasn’t going to let anything crush this moment. He had felt unwanted, and now Albus had said that being with him was all he wanted, when they were together. That was so much more assurance than he had had an hour ago.  
Perhaps this had been a good idea after all.

Theseus pulled Albus close and kissed him. He kissed him for a long time, emptying his brain of everything they had said, everything but the taste of firewhiskey on Albus’ warm insistent tongue, the feel of Albus’ hands on his face, the weight of Albus in his lap, Albus’ arse in his hand, the feel of Albus’ hair running through his fingers.  
“I love you,” Theseus said.  
“I love you, too,” Albus answered, smiling.

Behind Albus, Theseus saw their empty glasses and the vial of Veritaserum on the table. He felt washed over with sadness suddenly, and he couldn’t say why.  
He looked back at Albus, and was struck by how stunning he was. “You have beautiful eyes.”  
Albus’ eyebrows shot up. “Oh! Really?”  
Theseus smiled at him. “Really.” 

“Bed?” Albus asked.  
Theseus ordinarily would have countered by lifting up Albus just enough to toss him back down on the sofa – to take him right there. But he didn’t want to spend a minute longer in this room.  
“Bed,” he agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to [Carapheonix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carapheonix/pseuds/Carapheonix), in honor of two of her headcanons:  
> 1/ Theseus is hung; and  
> 2/ He was an interrogator in the War
> 
> Love you!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chiara_Polairix recommends the song Rompecabezas by Los Concorde to listen to with this chapter

Chapter 12  
November 1924

Theseus stepped out of the floo and dusted himself off. This was not his first time at the Aristophanes Club, but it was his first time here on business. It seemed that, as an Auror, his Confundus still got more use than any other spell – at least at the office. Jepson had drawn this assignment, but the consequences of a true raid would have been disastrous – Theseus had had no choice but to intervene.

Theseus crossed the foyer to the front door, which was being held open for him by an elf. “Good evening, Mr. Scamander, sir.”  
“Good evening, Tinsley. Is Claudius in?”  
“Yes, Mr. Scamander, sir. In his office, sir.”  
“Thank you, Tinsley.”

Theseus scanned the room, finding many men he knew, and a few he didn’t. He wondered who had tipped off the Auror department about Aristophanes. It would have to be a non-member. Claudius was careful about these things, at least as far as Theseus could tell. It would be dangerous for him if he wasn’t.  
He found Claudius in his office.

“Sit, Theseus. What do you have for me?”  
“I suppose, you could say, this is a raid.”  
“A raid?” Claudius asked, looking only mildly alarmed.  
“That’s right. I’m the raid. I managed to get sent here without my partner – to ‘investigate and make arrests as needed.’ So – here are the results of my investigation: the tip was bad, the Aristophanes doesn’t exist, and they may want to keep an eye on their ‘informant.’ No arrests necessary.”

“Who was their informant?”  
“I couldn’t get that information – it wasn’t written anywhere, and my other available methods didn’t serve. I’ll see what I can do, but no promises.”  
“And what if they send someone else next time?”  
“This is one of the many reasons I like you, Claudius. You are a thinker, and that keeps every one of us safe. We take you too much for granted, but I know that it takes a lot of work to keep something like this going.  
“You’re right that that’s a danger, so I think you are going to need to change some things about the way things are done around here. For starters, no physical contact in the club. No handholding, no kissing, nothing. And all of the WCs? Need to actually be WCs. One person at a time.”  
“What is the point, then, Theseus? If this isn’t a safe place for us any longer?”

“I was hoping you would say that, because I think there is another option, a better option. But it is the _only_ other option, and I’m afraid that you won’t like it. Given your resistance to changing the character of the club, however... I suggest that you make Aristophanes absolutely members only. And – I hate to say this, but – no new members unless they are someone who one of us has already had sex with, so that they are, in the eyes of the law, ‘compromised.’”  
“You are making us sound like we’re criminals, Theseus.”  
“We _are_ criminals, Claudius. It isn’t right, it isn’t fair, but that’s the law – and the law defines who is and is not a criminal.”

“Ok. Members only, stricter membership criteria.”  
“And close the floo. The only way in and out needs to be by apparition. Which means that you need to lift the anti-apparition wards – again, selectively, for members only. Selectively lifting the wards and closing the floo is the only way to keep the DMLE from discovering that this place actually does exist. Otherwise - every person in here could find themselves on a watchlist - and I would be thrown into Azkaban for filing a false report.”  
“Selective wards keyed to membership? I don’t know, Theseus.”  
“I know it sounds difficult, but I imagine Albus can help you with that.”

“You know, Theseus. About Albus –“  
“Claudius. You promised –“  
“So I’m breaking my promise. I think you should –“  
“Albus is fine, Claudius. I’m sure he’s taking another young blond home with him every week or two. Leave it.”  
Claudius sighed. “I’m just a hundred and twenty years old. What could I possibly know?”

Theseus shook his head and walked out, colliding with –  
“Albus!”  
How was it that he grew more handsome every time Theseus saw him? It shouldn’t be possible. Theseus tried to look unaffected, but he knew that Albus must have noticed his breathing speed up. He hated how much he wanted Albus, still.

“Somehow, I never see you here, Theseus. And yet I hear about you, so I know that you still come."  
Theseus ignored this implication that he had been avoiding Albus. Which he _had_ , but given that he had, there was no reason to think that he would want to discuss said avoidance with Albus now.  
"Or I assume you do. I'm not really interested in the details if you are not coming with me. In me. On me. I could always - ”

Of course.  
“Listen, I’m here on business, Albus, and while I wasn’t planning to see you, now that I have, I can use your help.”  
“Business?”  
“The Ministry was planning to raid Aristophanes – so I took the job. Hello, this is a raid.”  
Albus laughed. “Well done. Here to arrest yourself, Lovely?”  
Then Albus winked at him. Theseus sighed.  
“Think about whether that is the question you want to ask.”

Albus was, as always, quick to see the point.  
“How did the DMLE even know about Aristophanes?”  
“And – that’s where you come in. Is it possible you could find the informant, or informants, if they’re in here?”  
“No guarantees, Theseus. You know that.”  
So he was still capable of being serious. Good to know.  
“I know. But the club isn’t safe – no wizard who has come here is safe - until we find this person and deal with them somehow. Modify their memory or something.”

“Ok. I’ll make the rounds. Are you ok?”  
“Yeah, fine.”  
“And have you been –“  
“No personal questions, Albus. You have a job to do, I have a job to do.”  
“And what’s your job?”

Get drunk, then get laid.  
“You know I can’t talk about work with you, Albus.”  
“You just did.”  
“Well spotted. Let me know what you find out.”

Theseus was at the bar, two firewhiskeys in, when Albus came and took the seat next to him.  
“I think we have two here. The young man at the end of the bar is thoroughly disgusted by the proceedings and looking forward to us all ‘getting what’s coming to us.’ Then the dark-haired man with a moustache standing near the front door is waiting for the Aurors to arrive.”

“Lovely. I guess that means we have two men to drag off and deal with, then.”  
“That sounds _naughty_ of you, Theseus. Four men in one WC? Which one would you like to _deal with_ first?”  
Theseus was not a fan of this new Albus. But at least his flirty persona made him easier to rebuff.  
“I don’t know, Albus. I suppose I should leave the one at the bar for you – he looks to be about half your age.”  
Albus’ eyes widened and he shifted in his seat. Theseus rolled his eyes. 

“Enough. I’ll handle the man at the front door. I have my identification with me. I’ll tell him I need to speak to him privately before we begin. You can get your young man. Just – use an Imperius or something.”

*****

Once the two men had been sent off, their memories modified, Theseus and Albus visited Claudius in his office.  
“We think we found the guys. We’ve taken care of them – their memories of the club will be hazy, unreliable – and the name of the club has been stripped from their memory. As I expected, they weren’t members. So, I think the ‘members only’ precaution might be enough.”

“Theseus told me you might need the wards modified? I can work that out and meet you here on Saturday morning.”  
“That would be fine, Albus. Thank you, boys, both of you.”  
“Any time, Claudius.”

“So does this mean –“  
“It doesn’t mean anything, Claudius.”  
“What Theseus means is, it means we both care about the club and about you.”  
Theseus sighed. “Right.”

Out in the hallway, Albus turned to Theseus.  
“I miss you.”  
“So you keep saying. And yet every man you fuck looks like Gellert.”  
Gellert 20 years ago, for that matter.  
"That is not, strictly speaking, accurate."  
Theseus sighed. "Don't bother telling me which part is inaccurate. It doesn't really matter."  
It did matter. Jealousy, it seemed, was not something a man could wish away. 

“I’d rather be with you. You know that. I begged you not to go.”  
That much was true. Albus had not wanted Theseus to leave. Theseus looked into Albus’ familiar blue eyes and ached. He would rather be with Albus, too, but not as they had been. 

Albus smiled at Theseus, the smile that seemed to say that no one in all the world was more desirable than Theseus was – a smile that said, ‘You are everything I could ever want.’  
That was why Theseus had left. He couldn't trust that smile anymore. In the end, Albus' seeming devotion only made him angry. Theseus was only everything Albus wanted when they were in the same room. If that was even true.  
At best, the moment Theseus stepped out the door, he stopped being the most important thing in Albus’ life. Gellert would always be the most important thing. Theseus couldn’t live with wondering when he left for work if Albus was going to be home when he got back. And he did wonder. He had wondered every time. And when Albus wasn't home? Theseus had stopped expecting him to come back, even though he _had_ come back, every time - one day he wouldn't, Theseus had been sure of it.

“Albus. It wasn’t working.”  
“It was working. Everything about us worked. There is an empty space in my life where you used to be. A space that no one but you can fill. Don’t you miss me? Tell me that you aren’t sorry that you left.”  
Theseus missed Albus every day. When he woke up and when he went to bed, when he was reading and wanted to share a thought he had, when he was cooking. He wondered all the time what Albus was doing, what sort of trouble he was getting into, what new research he was doing, where he had travelled to most recently. 

He wondered if he had been to see Gellert.  
And at least now, when he wondered, Albus wasn’t there to shout at, to accuse – justly, unjustly – who knew? At least now he wasn’t shattering all of the dishes when Albus was out longer than he had said he would be. Running errands? Staff meeting? It didn't matter. Theseus never knew what to believe. Neither of them deserved to be shouted at by someone they loved. But Theseus couldn't see a way around it. And Albus' only contribution was to insist, 'I wish you'd trust me - things are different now.'

“I'm not sorry, Albus. What we had there at the end was a pretty strong deterrent to any future relations.”  
“Oh?” asked Albus, stepping closer, crowding Theseus against the wall. “So, you don’t miss this?” Albus’ mouth was on Theseus’ in an instant, hot and insistent. With one hand, Albus gripped Theseus’ hair, and with the other he stroked his cock through his trousers.  
“Already hard for me?”  
“Albus –“ Theseus whined in protest. “We can’t –“  
“Yes, we can. We can. I want to, you want to. Please. I don’t want anyone else, just you.”  
With the added modifier of ‘right now,’ that was probably true. Probably.

Theseus pushed Albus off of him long enough to miss his heat, the familiar feel of Albus’ body against his.  
“Tinsley!”  
The elf popped in right beside Theseus and a very flushed Albus. She looked not at all surprised. “Mister Scamander is calling Tinsley?”  
“Tinsley, would you please apparate Mr. Dumbledore and myself to the following location?”  
Theseus handed her a small handwritten card.  
“I is doing that now, sir!”  
She took their hands, and they reappeared beside a bed. Immediately Tinsley disappeared with a pop.

“This is – not a flat, Theseus.”  
“That’s right. It’s a hotel room in Muggle London. Safer. Less incriminating.”  
Theseus had secured the room earlier that day. It had been a very long time, and he had intending to bring _someone_ back to the hotel. He had not counted on seeing Albus. Him being there on a Thursday was unusual.  
Albus looked at him for a long time, expressionless. Theseus didn’t need safe or nonincriminating with Albus. So Albus had to know that whoever else Theseus had thought he would be bringing back here, he had brought _Albus_ for a different reason.  
He wondered what Albus thought it meant. Less intimate? Easier to leave? ‘I have finally learned not to trust you with my heart?’ 

Theseus hadn’t really thought about it – it hadn't been a conscious decision to bring Albus here instead of his flat. But Theseus was glad that he had – this latest flat was the only one that Albus had never stepped foot in, and it would have been a shame to change that.  
Albus turned his attention to the bed. Theseus huffed impatiently.  
“I see, Albus. Happy for me to fuck you in a well traversed back hallway, but give you a perfectly serviceable bed to work with, and you are no longer interested.”

Albus looked back at Theseus. His eyes were full of pain and regret, and Theseus wasn’t even sure who those emotions were for.  
Theseus sighed. He had known that this was a bad idea. Sex with no well-intentioned promises? How was that ever going to work for the two of them? Sex with Albus had always _meant something_ \- something like, 'I want you back' and 'let's try again' and 'you have ruined me for anyone else.' 

“We don’t have to, Albus. You can leave, and I won’t come after you.”  
Albus nodded slowly. He kissed Theseus, somehow both gentle and desperate at the same time, and then he pulled away.  
He looked at Theseus carefully. “This isn’t what you want either. Is it?”

Sex that meant nothing more than 'no one else knows how to get me off the way you do?'  
Theseus frowned. “No. You’re gorgeous, Love. As always. But - ”  
“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have – you deserved better Theseus.”  
Better than what? Better than being accosted in a back hallway and having his entire relationship with Albus being reduced to what Albus could do to his cock? Or better than being seduced at age 18 by a man who knew the whole time that his heart was unavailable?

Albus ran his fingers slowly down the side of Theseus’ face and kissed him one last time. Then he apparated away.  
Theseus looked around the room, and spotted the card he had handed Tinsley. “Incendio!” Such a tiny fire. It wasn’t particularly satisfying. 

After that little melodrama, Theseus didn’t trust himself to apparate, but he couldn’t stay in this room another minute, either. He stepped out of the hotel into the cold misty night. Tiny water droplets clung to his coat and sparkled in the streetlights. A Muggle might have called it magical. Theseus cast a drying charm, and then an impervious.

It would be a long walk home.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13  
July 1926**

Theseus’ jaw tensed when he saw Albus walk into the restaurant. Of all the nights. Theseus had been planning to ask Leta to marry him tonight. Well, it was probably too early to ask her anyway. They had only reconnected eight months ago. Not quite eight months.  
And he ought to think through one more time how this would affect Newt, who was maybe not entirely over her.

“Is everything alright?”  
Theseus turned his attention back to Leta. “Yes, sorry. I was just – unhappy memories.”  
Leta reached her hand across the table to take Theseus’ hand in hers.  
“I understand. Do you think you can – be here with me, now? Let’s both take a break from our unhappy memories for an hour.”  
She was almost perfect.

No, she _was_ perfect. Theseus loved how observant she was, how attentive and compassionate. There was damage below the surface, seams where she had once been torn but had reconstructed herself into something strong and beautiful. Theseus loved that too - he could relate. She was gorgeous, brilliant…

Theseus looked off to his left – Albus was seated directly facing their table. He sighed. Leta followed his line of sight, and saw…  
“Did Professor Dumbledore just lift his glass and wink at me?”  
No, that was for me, thought Theseus, exhausted. But he didn’t want to explain – he wanted Albus to never be part of his relationship with Leta, in any way, so he decided to play outraged boyfriend.  
“It certainly looked like it. Please excuse me, Leta.”  
He stood suddenly, pushed his chair back in a little more forcefully than was called for, and walked swiftly and angrily to Albus' table – which honestly did not take much ‘acting.’ 

“Dumbledore. I believe you were winking at my girlfriend?”  
“Oh, I don’t think so,” said Albus, tipping his head.  
“Is she your girlfriend?” Albus continued. “I thought she and Newt –“  
“Broke up halfway through their seventh year – more than 12 years ago. As you well know.”  
“I see. Well, my apologies.”  
“For –“  
“For winking at you.”

Theseus looked around, but nobody seemed to have noticed.  
“That does it, Dumbledore. Outside.”  
“Oh? That sounds exciting.”  
“Not really.”

Theseus walked back to his table.  
“I’m sorry, Love. I need to have a word with Professor Dumbledore, and I’m afraid I might lose my temper with him. He is being very rude.”  
“That seems – unlike him.”  
“It is!” said Albus, having come up behind Theseus. “Very unlike me. I am ordinarily thought to be quite charming.”

With difficulty Theseus restrained himself from punching Albus right there, though his hand shot out and grabbed Albus’ lapel. “You. Will not. Speak. To Leta. You will come outside with me. We have some things to talk about.”  
Albus looked Theseus up and down. “Yes, I would say that we do.”  
Leta looked down at her plate, and Theseus realized that he had embarrassed her. He let go of Albus and touched her cheek.  
“I’m so sorry, Darling. I - I’ll be right back.”

He pushed Albus out the door in front of him and steered him into the alley that ran alongside the restaurant. Theseus felt the brief chill that followed a disillusionment charm. Theseus shut his eyes for a moment to collect himself. Albus had cast that on them more than once in semi-public places like this one. It had been a kind of foreplay at one time.

“That was very commanding. It has been a long time since you’ve manhandled me like that…”  
“For all the stars, Albus. What is the matter with you?”  
“I wouldn’t say anything is the matter now that I have you alone.”  
Theseus began to walk away.  
“That’s a nice view, but I have always preferred to see your handsome face. Though I would be content not to see you if you would rather shove me into this wall. I do like it when you...”

Theseus turned around, his face contorted in pain and anger.  
“Albus, this flirting has to stop.”  
“Which flirting?”  
“Which flirting… are you fucking serious? You have done nothing but flirt with me since you walked in the restaurant.”  
“Oh? I hadn’t noticed.”

“When did you become such a shit liar? You used to at least make it a challenge to figure out if you were telling the truth.”  
“Well that’s just hurtful.”  
He didn’t sound hurt. He sounded flattered.

“Fine. You didn’t notice. Let me enlighten you. You started by winking at me in public. Like we have some sort of secret together.”  
“We have lots of secrets, Theseus.”  
Even this was said in a suggestive way. As if everything the two of them had shared could be reduced to sex. Theseus was beginning to think that Albus had done exactly that. Well, that was one way to cope. But it wasn’t honest.

“Albus. We are not together anymore.”  
“I had noticed that. Pity.”  
Theseus looked at Albus. He felt… tired of it all. Did he still love Albus? He didn’t know. Certainly not in the way that he had when he was 19, or in the way that he had when he was 23. Whether he loved Albus or not, he did know that Albus had become exhausting. 

“I am going to ask Leta to marry me.”  
“Do you even like women?”  
“You know I do. That was never a secret between us.”  
“But Aristophanes…”  
“It is much easier to find a man willing to have sex with no commitments, our world being what it is. I get to like men and women both, Albus.”  
“No, of course. It’s just – you know your brother was her first, don’t you?”

And she was his, and yes, that was a tremendous problem. Obviously.  
“And _you_ know that no one is obligated to pine endlessly over their first, never moving on, _don’t you?_ ”  
Albus’ jaw tightened, and then he gave a hard smile. So that one had hit. Good.  
“So – you’ve moved on. I suppose there’s nothing I can say.”  
“’Congratulations’ would be welcome. Though if you can’t manage that, ‘I won’t interfere’ would be a start.”

“Theseus, I’m sorry. I love -“  
Wasn’t that the very opposite of non-interference?  
“No. You do not get to say that to me anymore. I’m not even sure what you mean by it, really. Which was _not_ an invitation for you to explain. I am with Leta, I intend to marry her, and I will take the flimsiest attempt at interference as permission to never speak to you again.”

Theseus had made the mistake of letting Albus think that all he had to do was declare his love – or even just his need, and Theseus would return with no questions. Even if it weren’t for Leta, he could never take Albus back – for both their sakes. This had passed the point of unhealthy long ago.

“Fine. I will not interfere. Come out with me for drinks tonight? After you’ve seen Leta home?”  
Absurd. What would it take for him to stop trying?  
“You’re not serious, Albus.”  
“I am. We could celebrate your recent promotion. Head Auror Scamander.”

There was a time when Theseus would have found such an invitation irresistible. A time when he wouldn’t have seen any danger in it, or (more often) would have welcomed the danger of drinks with Albus. But tonight his company was not so much dangerous as simply unappealing.

"There is nothing more attractive than a powerful man."  
Whatever effect Albus had hoped that statement would have, Theseus' first thought was to wonder if Albus was sleeping with Gellert again. And he found that he truly didn't care. The last cord connecting them snapped. There was nothing tying him to Albus anymore.  
He could walk away.  
So, he did.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14  
February 1927**

Theseus stood aside and allowed the guard to open the door. There he was, chained to a chair. Grindelwald. They hadn’t been cleaning him, hadn’t been cutting his hair – or his nails. Ridiculous. That sort of tactic rarely worked - even for someone as meticulous about his appearance as Gellert was. It might even be counterproductive - deceiving the guards and interrogators into thinking that Gellert was somehow less formidable just because he smelled like an old sock.

Theseus looked around. There were too many people in the room.  
“Out – all of you.”  
“But – protocol.”  
“I’m in charge of protocol at the moment. Grindelwald is bound, his magic is bound… I am the Head Auror of the British Ministry of Magic, and given that MACUSA _still_ cannot find its Head Auror, I am the ranking officer here. Is that clear?”  
“Yes sir.”

“One or more of you may watch through the window,” Theseus added, knowing that they already planned to. It was important for them to know that he knew they were watching.  
They all walked out but one. The last guard held out his hand. “Your wand, sir?”  
Theseus laughed. “You don’t think he needs a wand to wreak havoc, do you? But very well.”  
Theseus handed over his wand and the last guard walked out, locking him in with Grindelwald. 

“That was quite a performance, Mr. Dumbledore,” Gellert purred.  
“Oh, not nearly as good as yours has been, Mr. Dumbledore,” Theseus answered.  
“You are not going to try to get me to watch my words? To protect Albus? There’s nothing more important than protecting Albus, is there?”  
Theseus reminded himself not to get too confident. Gellert was only pretending to be a blunt instrument. He was sure to become more subtle as the conversation went on.

“You know, I’ve always thought that Albus smells somehow warm and spicy and earthy all at the same time. Like ginger and petrichor.”  
That was curious. Theseus had always – oh. He had said this out loud only once. In a trench near the end of the war, to a soldier he didn’t recognize. ‘He can be anyone,’ Albus had said. Gellert wasn’t building up to subtlety. He was hiding it behind ham-handedness.  
Theseus kept his face relaxed, impassive, as if he didn’t pick up on the reference, as if he had failed Gellert’s test. It was not possible to know if the ruse had worked, but he didn’t want Gellert to think at any time that he had surprised Theseus.  
“Interesting. Me too.”

“So you’re not worried? About all those men and women crowded at the window?”  
“I’m sure that you noticed me setting up the privacy spell.”  
“Yes, very clever. I am not the only one who doesn’t need a wand. Or, not that kind of wand, anyway.”  
“Interested in my wand, are you, Gellert?”  
“I was suggesting that you are interested in mine.”  
He might be, if the man had been washed sometime in the past six weeks.

There wasn’t a chair for Theseus, so he squatted on the floor. Gellert was already chained – it seemed counterproductive – when questioning someone like Gellert, anyway – to double down on the ‘I’m in charge here’ message.

“I would be delighted to give your wand a go just as soon as you give up murder. I might even be satisfied with you giving up gratutitous murder.”  
“And who determines if the murder is gratuitous?”  
“Me, I’m afraid.”  
Gellert laughed, “Of course. Well, I suppose we will soon learn just how interested you are in my wand, then.”

Theseus’ lip quirked. “Provided they don’t execute you first. Corpses are a hard no.”  
“I am glad to know your limits. For future reference.”  
“How about you? Do you have any limits?”

Gellert didn’t answer.  
“I didn’t recognize the spell.”  
“No, I don’t suppose you would have done.”  
Gellert waited for Theseus to say more, and when he didn’t, he winked.  
Still Theseus kept silent.

“So. You are here to take me apart? Find every secret hidden in my mind?”  
Theseus tilted his head and put on a conspiratorial expression. “As if that were possible. I am here because someone thinks that it is possible, and they know that if it is possible, I am the one who can do it. They underestimate you, which you know already. No, I am here because if they send for me, I come. That’s how this works.”

“You are too bright for this work Theseus, to be told always where to go and what to do.”  
“Oh? And if I were to join you, you would not tell me where to go and what to do?”  
Gellert smiled. “You might like being told what to do, if I were the one in command.”  
“I like this just fine. Tell me about ordering my brother’s execution.”  
“Oh? Did I do that? Which one is your brother?”

Theseus laughed. “Yes, I suppose Scamander is a common enough name that you might not have made the connection.”  
He returned to his professional façade. “I would be careful if I were you, Gellert. The Americans are barbarians.”  
“Says the man whose country, alone of every country in the world, involves Dementors in almost every possible sentence.”  
He was not wrong. It was an embarrassment. 

“I agree that that is atrocious. But at least there are checks on authority in our system. I could not, for instance, simply order an execution and have that order carried out with no oversight whatsoever.”  
“Perhaps you ought to consider coming to America,” Gellert suggested. “I understand that they are looking for a Head Auror.” He was good. Humour for deflection, indeed.  
“I am serious, Gellert. Any official in this Ministry can do anything they want to you and no one will care.”

“I highly doubt that. I’m valuable. There are a number of nations who want to bring me in for questioning, who want the chance to punish me themselves. It would be war if America were to execute me. It is not at all like with your brother, who means nothing to anyone but yourself. And Albus, perhaps.”  
This was true. Gellert was going to be given the grand tour of Europe, once the Americans could be persuaded to give him up. It was going to be a fucking circus.

“I was not thinking of execution. Not here. I was thinking of torture.”  
“Are you going to torture me, Auror Scamander?”  
“Why bother? Are you going to tell me what you did with Graves if I torture you?”  
“Sure.”

If Theseus really believed that, he would have removed one of Gellert's fingers right then. Slowly. With a knife. Not a soul would have complained about it. He hadn't done anything _quite_ that brutal before, but he had thought once or twice about literally taking Gellert apart piece by piece. Gods, what the job could do to a man. Or perhaps Gellert inspired violence universally - for him, against him... 

“You _want_ me to torture you?”  
“I want to see just what you are capable of, how much you hate me.”  
“Ah. I’m not terribly interested in satisfying your curiosity at the moment.”

“No? You couldn’t muster up a Crucio even if I tell you what it is like to have Albus fuck me?”  
Theseus thought it best to let Gellert think he was getting to him. He laughed hollowly. “Usually, when I’m through with a prisoner, they wish I had Crucio’d them instead.”  
“Oh, naughty. It appears that Albus does have a type after all.”  
“Yes. Unwilling to stick around.”

Gellert laughed. “Oh, very good. I had not realized that the two of you were no longer together.”  
Theseus found this to be unlikely.  
“So, it will not bother you at all to hear how many times I can make him come in a day? The feel of his mouth surrounding my cock? I wonder if he has told you exactly how many times he has returned to me?”  
Gellert must not realize how bad his timing was with this line of questioning. His rage over Albus and Gellert had utterly burnt out. He couldn’t even muster resignation anymore. It took only the smallest effort to project a façade of boredom.  
“That is not all that interesting to me either, but be my guest, if that is how you want to spend your time.”

Gellert met Theseus’ eyes and raised a skeptical eyebrow. Theseus maintained a blank expression and waited.  
Gellert sighed. “You are no fun at all. All business. Fine, then. Tell me what does interest you.”  
“Knowing who your moles are in each of the Ministries of Europe, as well as here. Britain in particular, of course. I was very impressed with that owl you sent, purporting to be from the Ministry. You were correct in so many details – there had to be an insider assisting you.”  
“Oh, poor Theseus. Are you still thinking about that, all these years later?”  
“I am thinking about whether that mole is still there, and how many others you have. I am annoyed that I haven’t located more than one of your people so far.”  
Two, actually.

“I wasn’t aware of anyone’s cover having been blown.“  
Was that true? Or was Gellert aware already? Did he know exactly what they found the moment they found it? How high up did the infiltration go? Best to appear to be overconfident.  
“No, you wouldn’t be.”  
“Oh! This is delightful. No wonder Albus fucked you.”  
Theseus smirked.  
“Hmmm. No, I was the one fucking him. But I can be versatile. If you are back to propositioning me.”  
Gellert laughed. “I might be.”

“Sorry to disappoint you. I’ve resolved to no longer fuck anyone who has a blood pact with someone else.”  
“Oh yes, the blood pact. I suppose Albus is still assuaging his conscience with the illusion that that was the only thing tying him to me.”  
That was a quagmire if ever Theseus had seen one. He was not going to be tempted from his path.  
“It was curious to me that no one found the pact on you. It was a mistake for them not to strip you down and search you immediately.”

“Oh? And would you have wanted them to have known the extent to which Albus is bound to me? I think we may be back to discussing Dementors.  
“In fact, Theseus, you might want to tell Albus that I am not going to protect him forever. He has taken too long to decide to join me. He thinks that he can avoid choosing a side, when his choice was already made 27 years ago. His choice was made, and he belongs to me.”

“If anything, you belong to each other. He has been protecting you, too.”  
“As have you.”  
“Indeed. It seems we have been at a stalemate for more than a decade.”  
“That is about to change. The next time you see me, Theseus Scamander, I will have a wand in my hand, and I will not hold back.”  
Theseus stood.  
“I look forward to it.” 

He walked to the door and knocked on it. As he was walking out, he heard Gellert call after him, “Always a pleasure, Theseus. Do come back and see me again.”  
Theseus shook his head. His first time speaking with Gellert. It was a bit anticlimactic. He was just a man after all.

But if that was so – Theseus questioned why he had not pushed Gellert harder, whether he could have gotten more information out of him with different tactics, with more effort. It was true that they were at a stalemate. He wondered how Gellert planned to break it, and who stood to benefit the most from a change in the game.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter, we arrive at the origin point of this fic. It all began when I started thinking about [Callum Turner having said that Theseus and Albus were close](https://www.fandom.com/articles/dumbledore-and-theseus-relationship-in-fantastic-beasts) when Theseus was younger - that Dumbledore had been a mentor of sorts to him, but they had grown apart. And I thought, “Grown apart?! That's an understatement! In the classroom scene, Theseus seems he could not be more over Albus - he seems even a bit impatient or angry.”
> 
> I wondered... say they had been lovers just after Theseus graduated... how would we get from there to the FB2 classroom scene?  
> And... here we are

**Chapter 15  
September 1927, Part One**

Travers summoned Theseus to the meeting room.  
“I’ve got the evidence we need. I have been right to be suspicious of him all this time.”  
“Who, sir?”  
“Dumbledore.”  
Theseus had been tired of Albus and his madness. Tired of looking after him all the time. Tired of Albus taking him for granted. So, he had not been as diligent in covering Albus’ tracks. Merlin knew what he had been up to. If Travers was this confident... Theseus felt concerned for Albus in spite of himself. 

“Look at this – MACUSA took it from Grindelwald.”  
In the pool in the table, an image formed of two young men, looking at one another. Theseus’ breath caught. Gellert and Albus looked so very young. Albus just barely of age, Gellert still sixteen. They had been so reckless, but Theseus understood it now: the way they looked at each other was - they were each others' whole world. Gellert leaving must have crushed them both - not just Albus. It almost made Theseus want to forgive them for the blood pact, to forgive Gellert for leaving Albus, to forgive Albus for turning on Gellert so decisively that Gellert couldn't have returned to him even if he had wanted to. So young. Too young to know how to put their relationship back together when it all fell apart.

Theseus couldn't look away from the two boys. Albus had not looked so very different from this when he had first started teaching at Hogwarts. Theseus had forgotten, over time, just how young Albus had been when they were first together. The true power of the blood pact had probably never occurred to him, nor the consequences it would have for the two of them. It was possible that Albus had been just as optimistic as Theseus at the start, if not quite so naive. He would surely have been too inexperienced to understand the danger of ensnaring someone who had never had his heart broken, who didn't know what it might be like to have history with someone else. Could he forgive Albus for loving him? For being someone Theseus couldn't help but love back? Had Albus even realized at that point how much of his heart had already been taken - how much of him had disappeared along with Gellert? Could Theseus forgive himself for all those years of hoping that Albus might be his?

So this carefully chosen memory, this was Gellert's move. MACUSA would have had no hope of getting anything from Gellert unless he had wanted them to have it. He had to know that Theseus and Albus both would see it - that it would be devastating for each of them, but in different ways. He would know, too, that Albus’... _association_ with him would cause problems for him with the DMLE. He probably thought that alienating Albus from the Ministry would force him to Gellert's side. Theseus was of the opinion that this was probably a miscalculation on Gellert's part. Not least because Albus' relationship with the Ministry was just south of neutral already, at best. But time would tell. It certainly would hurt Theseus’ reputation, that some other interrogator had gotten this out of Grindelwald when Theseus 'couldn’t.' Four birds, one stone. Efficient, elegant... pure Gellert. It was hard not to admire the man, even as he was tearing you apart.

“He knew him!” Travers said, sounding as gleeful as Travers ever sounded.  
It seemed that Travers had missed the significance of this. That everyone had. The way Albus was looking at Gellert was so obvious. Gellert probably had known this would happen, had counted on the usual denial that two men could look at one another like that. Well, good. It would have been far worse for Albus if law enforcement knew he and Gellert had been lovers.  
Cleverly done, revealing a secret small enough to raise suspicion about Albus, while hiding the bigger secret in plain sight - a secret big enough to land Albus in Azkaban. A small hit combined with a bigger threat - 'there is still more I could reveal.' Then again, how well could Gellert survive the revelation that he had been the lover of any wizard, not to mention a powerful wizard who Gellert had left untouched despite his refusal to join him and his movement? Was this a new stalemate? Another miscalculation? Or did Gellert's charisma make him untouchable?

“Having this memory... It is the perfect time for us to ask Dumbledore to challenge Grindelwald. He will have to help us now, or be thought to be in league with that criminal! I rather hope he refuses. Shows his true colours. People think more highly of him than he deserves.”  
That depended on what Travers was suggesting people thought of Albus. Albus’ intelligence and magical power were, if anything, grossly underestimated. But his upstanding public citizen image was… well, it depended upon what you thought of indiscriminate law-breaking in the name of intellectual inquiry... and of fucking an international terrorist. Not the top two characteristics on any parent’s wishlist for their eleven-year old‘s Defence professor.  
But whatever Albus 'deserved,' Travers was right that it would hurt his reputation when he refused to face Grindelwald – and he would have no choice but to refuse. 

“Go get Leta, and four of your Aurors. We will be paying a visit to Hogwarts.”  
Four Aurors, _simply to make a request_.  
Four.  
Travers wanted enough witnesses to guarantee that the word would spread around the Ministry about Gellert and Albus - and about whatever the results of Travers' confrontation with Albus would be. Bastard.  
Why was Theseus with the Ministry, again?

*****

Theseus looked up at the castle and thought of all the years he had lived there, the years he had taught there, the years he had had Albus to himself. Still there were days on which his chest felt empty, as if his heart had stayed behind when he left Albus.  
No. He looked at Leta. There was his heart. Right there with Leta, who loved and trusted him. His heart had not been misplaced. It was not at the bottom of the Black Lake or in Albus' desk drawer. He knew how it felt to come into someone’s life too late - there had been too little of Albus' heart to claim for them to make it work. Albus had failed him, but he would not fail Leta. He began walking with her towards the castle and took a deep breath: In, 2, 3, 4; Out, 2, 3, 4, 5. And – occlude.

Theseus suggested to Leta that she not join them in Albus’ classroom. He hated having the two of them together in the same place. It was difficult – his conflicting emotions were stressful for her and painfully confusing for him. And worst of all, Albus’ behaviour was the same whether she was there or not. He continued to be insufferably flirty.  
Sure enough, Albus was leaning against the desk, right in the very place where they had fucked regularly, and winking at him over Travers’ shoulder. Charming. 

Theseus refused to give him a reaction, but he couldn’t help but feel protective of Albus, knowing what was coming. He took a position as close to him as he could without drawing attention – in a place where he could keep an eye on Travers’ facial expressions, and on Albus as well. But he couldn’t observe Travers as closely as he had hoped, because Albus kept looking over at Theseus, smirking at him, winking sometimes.  
Albus might be intelligent, but he was careless. Theseus wished that Albus would be serious, would even break their agreement and read the information that Theseus was pushing at him – ‘Be careful! They know about Gellert.’ How could he not be picking it up from Travers?  
But Travers’ stupidity was an advantage for him sometimes. There probably was very little to read in that empty head. He was so thick it beggared belief.

Theseus tried to signal Albus – to prepare him – he didn’t want Albus taken by surprise, and he would be, if he didn’t – but Albus was not looking at him for once. He thought about sending a stinging hex to get his attention. But it was too late.  
Albus was looking up, he was seeing the memory – Gellert's memory - himself, Gellert, the two of them together, looking into one another's eyes… How Gellert had seen them... or how Gellert wanted Albus to think he had seen them. With a wizard as powerful as Grindelwald, it was hard to tell if a memory had been altered.

Theseus had wondered, more often than he should do, if Albus had slipped back into Gellert’s orbit, particularly since his 'interrogation' of Gellert, when he had intentionally used the present tense when talking about having sex with Albus. But the expression on Albus’ face made it clear that he had not seen Gellert for years. It didn’t seem possible to conjure up that level of longing, regret, and nostalgia for someone you had been with at all recently.

Nevertheless, his grieving, wounded expression also made it clear that Theseus had been right to leave him. Regardless of the winking and posturing, the attempts at seduction, and the declarations of love that Theseus had taken to rejecting, he doubted very much that Albus would feel the same level of heartache for a similar image of himself and Theseus. In spite of however many years had passed since Albus and Gellert had slept together, since they had even seen one another, Albus loved Gellert. Loved him more than anything or anyone. Certainly more than he had ever loved Theseus. Theseus had been right to refuse to live like that. 

And yet he was asking Leta to live like that.  
No. No, he wasn’t – Leta would never need to know, and that was the difference. Theseus was perfectly capable of remaining faithful. He would never have started a relationship with her if he wasn’t. Leta would never be relegated to being a minor character in her own story. 

Which was exactly what Theseus was feeling right now. Standing on the sidelines, stoically witnessing Travers questioning Albus, as if he had never had a personal interest in this story. As if it were in no way his story. Albus and Gellert were the story, and Theseus’ role was to watch it all unfold. To watch Albus say that he couldn’t fight Grindelwald, knowing what was coming next. To observe Albus’ look of surprise when the admonitors appeared on his wrists, as if he had somehow thought that he could refuse Travers without consequences. 

That Albus had been taken off guard was a sign that he had come to think of himself as untouchable. Perhaps Theseus had sheltered him for too long. Albus had been balanced on a knife’s edge for years, even without having a blood pact with a mass murderer. 

Nevertheless, these consequences seemed excessive. Albus might be cocky, he might be careless, but he had not colluded with Gellert in all the time Theseus had known him – his constitutional opposition to Gellert’s aims and methods must have been extraordinarily strong in order to refuse him. Theseus’ jaw tightened. The hysteria over Grindelwald was infecting magical governments everywhere with insanity. This criminalizing of a man for his refusal to fight – punishing him for a friendship that was, as far as Travers knew, decades in the past – this was _insanity_. Albus was a good man. Annoying as fuck, but a good man.

After gloating for just a moment, Travers turned to walk out, and gestured for the Aurors to follow him, but Theseus found himself lingering – as if he were longing for torture. There was no other explanation for allowing himself to be the last to leave the room – for setting himself up to be alone with Albus.  
Theseus wouldn’t initiate – he kept his back to Albus as he slowly walked out. But he was giving Albus an opening. He wasn’t sure why, exactly. It was probably the admonitors. The injustice of it all. Once again, Albus was being hurt. Once again, Gellert was involved. Once again, Theseus couldn’t leave well enough alone. 

“Theseus –“  
He was reconsidering the wisdom of having stayed behind. He took another step, as if Albus hadn’t spoken.  
“Theseus –“  
He closed his eyes and composed himself. Occluding. Still occluding. He turned.

“If Grindelwald –“  
Of course. Grindelwald. If any other words had been first out of his mouth, Theseus might have responded.  
Theseus reconsidered. No, Albus could not have said _anything_ that he would want to hear. What had he expected? This had been a mistake. Or perhaps the mistake had been giving Albus the control, the first word. Instead of waiting for Albus to speak, Theseus could have simply said, ‘I’m sorry,’ or ‘Nothing is fair about this,’ or ‘Travers is a right arse,’ or ‘I know you don’t deserve this.’ And then he could have swiftly walked away. But this –  
Albus was instructing him, as if he was back to being his student. Which was… better than flirting, at least, Theseus supposed.

Theseus began walking backwards towards the door. He wasn’t going to be rude enough to turn his back on Albus, but this conversation was over.  
Or, Theseus knew it was over. Albus was still talking.  
“Don’t let Travers send you in there.”

He still didn’t want Theseus facing Grindelwald?! Was he afraid of Gellert killing Theseus? Or was he afraid that Theseus might find a way to kill Gellert? Whatever sympathy he might feel for 16 year old Gellert, 44 year old Gellert was a menace. Theseus certainly was going to try to take Gellert down if he had an opportunity. He still regretted not having faced him when he’d had the chance in the War.  
In any case, Theseus was bound. ‘Don’t let Travers…’ Did Albus honestly think Theseus had a choice at this point? 

Still, he said nothing. He just wanted to get out the door without Albus doing any more damage.  
But Albus seemed to think he could somehow get Theseus to engage. Seemed to think that he could stop him, get him to stay. He smiled, that smile Theseus had loved before he knew he loved Albus – the one that had always struck him as so contagious.

Theseus ached for a time when that smile would have made him smile back. A time before they were lovers, when all he had known of Albus was his intelligence and his humour and his kindness and his enthusiasm.  
Theseus came so close to speaking. Albus’ name was in his mouth, ready to be released, when Albus said, “If you ever trusted me –“  
His voice broke on the words, as if he were asking for something that, though lost, might easily be regained. Something that he missed, that Theseus had taken from him.

_If you ever trusted me._  
With those words, any sympathy Theseus had for Albus’ situation was blown away.  
How could he? Albus knew he had trusted him. Knew how deeply he had trusted him, and for how long, and all the reasons he no longer trusted him now.  
_If you ever trusted me._  
Travers called for Theseus, and he was glad for the excuse to turn and walk away before he hexed that desk into splinters. 

As they left the castle, Leta looked troubled.  
“What happened?”  
“I – Dumbledore found me, in the old Transfiguration classroom.”  
“Are you ok? What did he say to you?”  
“Something about regrets. About having regrets, and wanting me not to have them.”

Theseus wondered what Leta had to regret. Albus, on the other hand, seemed to collect regrets like children collected chocolate frog cards. Theseus hoped that one day Albus would be free of them – but Theseus would not be the one to help him do it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16  
September 1927**

Theseus was done. Done with everything and everyone. Not Newt. Newt was ok. Everyone else could threaten to jump off the Viaduct and he wouldn’t so much as whisper ‘stop.’  
Travers most of all. The raid on the rally, the raid that Travers had ordered, had been a debacle - almost predictably disastrous. And had Travers been there? No. Too bad about that - Gellert might have vaporized him. That would have been satisfying. Instead, the best he could hope for was that somebody might punch Travers. It wouldn’t be Theseus. At best, that would land him in a holding cell at the DMLE, and Theseus had other things on the agenda. Like drinking himself into oblivion while he apologized to Leta’s photograph, and other such appropriate activities for a man who had lost his fiancée to a terrorist.

First thing tomorrow, he was resigning from the DMLE. No, day after tomorrow. Maybe he would go in drunk and unshaven and in his pyjamas. That sounded appealing. If he could admire anything about GrindelArse at the moment, it was his taste for the theatrical. Making a statement.

Theseus’ eyes had been fixed on the trees in the distance, over Newt’s shoulder, until he felt the people around him becoming more still somehow. The little sounds of their fidgeting going silent. He looked up – Albus was coming out of the castle and walking towards them. Sort of. He stopped a good distance away from them.  
That was probably for the best. Theseus would probably deck him if he came any closer. Unlike tackling Travers, this would likely have no legal consequences. In fact, no one would even try to stop him. But it might have the effect of making Albus seem a sympathetic character, to be the 'victim' of an 'unprovoked' attack.

It was also the case that it would be best if no one were to see Newt hand over the blood pact. Theseus had been holding that secret for 14 years. He would just as soon continue keeping it. He was glad that Newt was suspicious enough not to have shared the news with anyone but him. Theseus wondered if Newt would have even told him, if it had not been obvious that he had seen it.

Newt had said that he had chosen his side. Theseus hoped he meant Albus, or Theseus, or simply ‘contra Gellert’ – hoped that him failing to tell Travers about the pact meant that he had not meant he was joining the Ministry’s ‘side.’  
Theseus had been a fool to try to get Newt to cooperate with the DMLE. He thought he was keeping him safe, giving him an opportunity to protect the things he loved – any organization with that kind of power, it is better to keep them close. The number of things he had been able to subvert or correct over the years because of his location in the Department… 

But Newt was too open, too... earnest. For instance, he hadn't understood that there was no way for anyone to force him to capture or kill Credence if he took the job. He just had to _pretend to try_. Theseus had pretended to try all sorts of things over the years. He had thought that Newt would have been aware of that - that if he didn't take the job, someone else would be given it - someone who would actually kill a person or a creature with absolutely no remorse. It was clear now that he should have known better, should have thought to brief Newt. It made him wonder what Newt thought of him, if his own brother imagined he just ran around killing people on command, no questions asked.  
No, Newt not working for the Ministry might very well be for the best. Newt could withhold information, but he was not a skilled liar without forethought, and he had never been one for... subtlety. And now, after the raid had played right into Gellert's hands in every possible way, Theseus was beginning to wonder if Travers was not so thick after all - if Travers was one of Gellert's men.  
So, when Newt walked towards Dumbledore, Theseus held Travers back.

Newt had information about Grindelwald that would make it possible for Dumbledore to fight him, Newt had said. Dumbledore had only said that he couldn’t fight him because he didn’t have this piece of information. Travers wanted to know more about it, but… first Newt needed to give Dumbledore the blood pact, and then the two of them needed to get their story straight, and fast. 

Theseus sighed as he waited - as they all waited - for the two of them to have their discussion. The last time he had been on this Viaduct, Leta had been at his side. Now she was dead. She had died for him and Newt, as if either of them deserved it particularly. Neither of them had had the idea to do it for her.

Theseus looked at Albus, engaged in conversation with Newt. Albus was all up in Newt’s personal space. Theseus remembered conversations with Albus when he was intense and thoughtful and standing slightly too close. It seemed, at times like that, that the world blurred around them, like an unimportant backdrop to Albus’ words.  
He was surprised by the direction his thoughts were taking. Dangerous. He had thought that looking at Albus had stopped being dangerous. Maybe it was having lost Leta - his emotions were all over the place, as if grief for one person could open up every other grief, as if remorse over one person could unlock every other moment of remorse, of sadness, of anger at himself. He turned his attention to the castle – stared past the stones until they became hazy.

Leta had been good for him, she loved all of him more than she loved anyone – maybe more than she loved herself. And he had loved her - so much. Losing her was going to leave little empty spaces all over his life. And yet he had kept secrets from her, and worse, had held back a part of his heart from her. Albus had broken him so badly that he couldn’t trust _anyone_. Even now, after she had died for him and Newt, after she had been brave enough to take Grindelwald on, knowing it would be almost impossible to win, Theseus couldn’t find as much space in his heart for her as he had once had for Albus. He hated himself for it, a little bit. But there was nothing he could do.

That said, the way he was feeling for Leta right now… When Gellert asked whether Albus would mourn for him, Theseus had honestly not been sure. But right now, he knew that if Albus were at all like Theseus, he would have mourned for him. Theseus’ aching emptiness was mixed with guilt, shame, anger, inadequacy… what he felt for Leta was not uncomplicated - but it was surely grief. 

Theseus could sense a growing discomfort in Travers. He looked back towards Albus, only to see that he was looking over Newt’s shoulder – directly at him. And he was lifting up his arms… Oh. There were only two people who were authorized to remove those Admonitors. Travers and Theseus. And no matter what Albus agreed to, Travers was unlikely to do it. But if Theseus took them off, then Travers would look petty it he put them back on. That cunning bastard. Theseus sighed and shuffled his feet in indecision. 

Once again, Albus was taking Theseus for granted. What if he didn’t remove them? What if he let Albus look a bit like an idiot? What if Albus had to put his arms back down again with the Admonitors still on?  
But the problem was, Theseus hadn’t liked Travers putting them on Albus in the first place. It was overkill. It was unfair. It was borderline illegal. It was – stifling one of the freest spirits Theseus knew. Albus hadn’t see it coming – Theseus had known he wouldn’t. But behind Albus’ surprise had been unexpressed rage, and Theseus couldn’t fault him for that.

Theseus took a deep breath. Fine. He would remove them. But it was nothing personal. Albus had better stay the fuck away from him.

The admonitors removed, Albus lowered his arms, as if he had known all along that Theseus would do it – he probably had. As if he deserved it – and he did. But that was all Theseus would acknowledge Albus being right about today. Albus still loved Gellert, and Gellert had killed Leta, had tried to kill him and Newt, had killed dozens of Aurors, had kidnapped an Obscurial _and_ a Legilimens, had very nearly destroyed all Paris, and was still a megalomaniacal Arse.  
If Albus had never made the blood pact... If he had tried harder to get it away from Gellert... If he had not insisted on Theseus not fighting him in the War... If he had stayed away from Gellert, so that Theseus could take him down without risking Albus being discredited...  
There was a limit to what Theseus was interested in giving Albus credit for at the moment.

As Newt and Albus turned to walk into the castle, the others followed – as if they had been invited. Then again, ‘I can go wherever the fuck I want’ Travers didn’t care about such niceties. Theseus was having no part of it. He had a whole getting drunk and talking to photographs plan to get started on. Listening to sad music and taking a Bombarda to the wedding gifts that had already begun arriving. Writing a resignation letter on a greasy chips wrapper.  
He watched them walk away from him, and when Albus looked over his shoulder and met his eyes, Theseus turned his back on him and walked to the apparition point alone.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vandrerska recommends Leonard Cohen's _Master Song_ as a good companion piece for this entire fic - there are a lot of great resonances there - and why wouldn't you listen to a Leonard Cohen song? :)

**Chapter 17  
November 1927**

There were so many little things about Albus that Theseus would never be able to forget. Like the sound of his knock at the door.  
“Go away. I don’t want to see you. Bloody terrorist fucker.”  
Albus knocked again.  
Theseus bellowed, “Go away!”  
The knocking stopped. 

Theseus had hoped that Albus had given up, but he should have known better. There was a tapping at the window. Theseus turned to look – it was that fucking glove, and it was holding a piece of parchment against the window:  
_I need your help_  
Theseus rolled his eyes. Sure, he did.  
The words disappeared and were replaced by new ones:  
_Breaking the Blood Pact_

Theseus sighed and opened the door.  
“No, you do not.”  
He slammed the door in Albus’ face before he could respond and went to the kitchen to scour the oven – by hand.

**November 1928**

Albus was knocking on the door again. He hadn’t tried for a year.  
The significance of the date was not lost on him this time. It was the date of the first time they had kissed. On the one hand, it was sweet that Albus remembered. On the other hand, it was typically manipulative, and Theseus was angry that his memory of that day was now going to be tied to Gellert too.

Theseus sighed and opened the door. Albus was standing there looking doubtful, as he should do.  
“Are you going to let me in?”  
“I’m thinking about it. What do you need me for?”  
Albus pointedly cast his gaze down the hall.  
Did he think Theseus was an idiot? No one needed to overhear them if they didn’t want them to. Theseus cast a privacy charm over them and gestured impatiently at Albus to continue. 

“I was hoping that you would be willing to help me…”  
“With the Blood Pact? It’s been 15 years you’ve supposedly been trying to obtain this Blood Pact and you haven’t looked into how to break it all this time? At least one of those two things is unbelievable. I’m going with you were never trying to get it back from Gellert at all, and that those meetings were 100% for fucking. Oh no, excuse me. 75% for fucking, and 25% for his _superior company_.”

"Good sense of humour," Theseus muttered. "He killed Leta, Albus!"  
"I know he did. He gets worse every year. He's - he's been terrible all along. I was an idiot."  
"That's right. You were a fucking idiot. And you can clean up your own fucking mess without the help of someone whose fiancée was killed by the man you love."  
"I don't -"  
"Shut up, Albus. I am _not_ helping you." 

Theseus started to close the door, but Albus pressed against it with his hand.  
“I do know how to break it. I think. I've known for years. I just needed the blood pact in my hand to do the job. And I need you to help me with the – process.”  
“And it has to be me.”  
“Yes?”  
That sounded uncertain. Either Albus didn't actually know that he needed Theseus, or he was about to ask for something that he knew Theseus was unlikely to give.  
Theseus looked at Albus for a long time. Albus didn’t flinch.  
“Fine. You may come in.”

Albus followed Theseus, and when Theseus turned to speak to him, Albus moved forward as if to embrace him.  
No. Unacceptable. Theseus held Albus back with a gentle Depulso.  
“Don’t touch me. I’ll help you because no one deserves to be bound if they don’t want to be. That’s all. Sit there. I’ll stand.”  
Albus moved to the wing chair that Theseus indicated – a chair that Albus had always complained was uncomfortable. Albus tried to cast a cushioning charm on it, but Theseus had modified the chair to be unenchantable. Albus sat as if he were not fully cognizant of what Theseus was doing.

“So. You _think_ you know how to break it. Tell me. What is your plan, and what part do you expect me to play in it?”  
“I – the Blood Pact breaks if there is something that I desire more than to maintain that connection with Gellert. And I was thinking that being with you was the one thing that I always wanted more. So if we were to have sex, for instance –“

Every Defence book on Theseus’ shelf came flying towards Albus at speed. Albus stopped them when they were just inches away from pummeling him, and they dropped gently into neat piles on the floor.  
Theseus growled. “I am not your fuck toy!”  
“Theseus, I’m not –“

“Do you even care if I want this? I told you _never again_ , and you – is it all just sex to you? Have you forgotten… I should have guessed – all the flirting and innuendos over these past years, trivializing everything we were to one another…”  
“I knew I was annoying you,” Albus interrupted. “I was doing it intentionally. To throw you off, hopefully to make you furious. I wanted to provoke you into a – passionate response.”  
That was the most fucked up thing that Theseus had ever heard. Far worse than the exhumations.

“How could you think… I have _never_ worked that way, Albus – never.”  
“We – all those times –“  
“It was a _game_ , Albus. I thought you knew that. We never had sex _because I was angry at you_.”  
Albus lowered his eyes. “No. I know. You’re right. Except for that one time.”  
Before he left for the War? Did Albus think…?

Theseus pinched his nose. “No, that was sex _while_ angry at you. There’s a difference. And anyway, I wasn’t able to stay angry with you for long that time. Having sex with you reminded me - ”  
“I know,” Albus said, meeting his eyes. “I was hoping you might – remember again.”  
They were both silent.  
“That never would have worked, would it have?”  
“To get me to come back to you? Or simply to get me to sleep with you? Either way, _nothing_ was going to work, Albus.”

“You know this Blood Pact is why we couldn’t... I never would have gone to Gellert – never would have been deceived that I wanted him more than you…”  
Theseus couldn’t help but think of how long his own feelings for Albus had lingered – far past the point of him wanting to have them. Of course, Albus wasn’t a sociopath with a personal philosophy diametrically opposed to Theseus’… But that was a dangerous line of thought.

“You don’t know that. You might have slept with him anyway.”  
“Theseus – “  
“It doesn’t matter either way. We don’t get the past 23 years back just by destroying the pact. We can’t undo the damage you – we - did. Every time I look at you, I am going to see the man who told me he wanted Gellert more than he wanted me. The man who ran off to have sex with Gellert while assuring me he loved me. It doesn’t matter why you did it - that’s not going to change what you did.”  
“I never should have –“  
“No, you shouldn’t have. You shouldn’t have done a lot of things.”

Albus looked defeated.  
“So – you aren’t willing to –“  
“Just have sex with you the once so that I can help you with a spell? It’s like you don’t even know me! No. Absolutely not. And it wouldn’t work anyway. We never did ‘just have sex.’ I can’t imagine that would be enough to destroy the blood pact.”

Albus stood and started walking towards Theseus.  
“I don’t want that, Theseus. I want you back.”  
“No! What are you -?! No. I thought you were smarter than this. Have you learned nothing over the past twenty years? You and I – we are _never going to make it work_.”  
Albus was close to him now – almost in arm’s reach.

“You know, after that day, the day we took the Veritaserum – I never saw Gellert again after that. You were right. If I could avoid having sex with him, I could avoid seeing him at all. I wanted to be better, to do what I needed to do for you to be happy - for us to be happy.”  
“You could have told me –“  
“I _did_ tell you. You didn’t believe me. I would have taken that fucking potion every day for the rest of my life if it would have reassured you at all. If it would have helped you stay. I still would.”

“You would rather have Gellert. That hasn’t changed.”  
“I never said that I wanted to _be with_ Gellert more than I wanted to be with you. I always wanted to be with you more. But fine, yes. In terms of raw desire, I want Gellert more. And here’s how I know that the Blood Pact is involved: now that I have the blood pact in my own hands, the need I felt for him has dulled already.”  
“It doesn’t matter, Albus. I am not taking you back.”  
“But – why? I know you still want me.”

Had he been listening at all? Theseus felt a roar rising up from his belly – he trembled with the effort of holding it in. He would wonder later if he shouldn’t have let it out, knocked Albus over with the sound of his grief and rage. Perhaps the problem was that he had hidden too much of his pain from Albus, and not just that Albus didn’t want to see what he had done to him.  
Theseus flicked his wand and created a transparent magic barrier between the two of them. Albus tried to move closer and bumped into it. He laid his hand against it and closed his eyes.

“Do not take down that barrier, Albus Dumbledore! You cannot be trusted without it.”  
“I can –“  
“No. You can’t. Kissing me is not going to fix anything. You don’t see why we won’t work? Our bodies have always worked just fine together, but _that’s not enough_. Tell me what you see when you look in the Mirror of Erised.”  
“I don’t look -“

“You do. You know you do. Still Gellert?”  
“How did you –“  
How could he not know? But perhaps Albus meant how did Theseus know it was _still_ Gellert. “When I came with Travers to Hogwarts. I saw the look on your face when you were watching Gellert’s memory. So?”  
Albus sighed and bowed his head. “Still Gellert.”

“That’s one of the many reasons why not. When you see something – anything – other than Gellert, come talk to me. There are other reasons, but that one comes first.”  
Albus stood.  
“I’m sorry, Theseus.”

“You’ve used up all of your ‘I’m sorry’s. As well as all of your ‘I want’s, ‘I need’s, and ‘I love you’s. You can show yourself out, Dumbledore.”  
Albus winced at the use of his last name. He walked out the door without a word, but he left the door open behind him.

The next day, Theseus sent Albus an owl: ‘Don’t you ever dare come on one of our anniversaries again.’ Albus replied, ‘Understood.’ He didn’t apologise, but then, Theseus had made it clear that apologies weren’t being accepted anymore.

**January 1930**  
He hadn’t even opened the door all the way before Albus started talking.  
“You asked all the wrong questions.”  
“What?”  
“You asked the wrong questions, and you asked them at the wrong time. When you asked if I wanted Gellert more. You would have gotten a different answer if we had been asking each other questions when you were still a professor with me – before Gellert came back, after Gellert came back – it wouldn’t have mattered.  
“And if you had asked if I _preferred_ Gellert’s company, could see myself _living with_ Gellert, wanted to be _tied_ to Gellert, the answer would always have been no. Always. I would have married you, if such a thing were legal - even those last months, when you were breaking chairs and setting fire to my class notes. Which was tremendously frightening, by the way.”

“Albus, go away.”  
“No. We are going to talk about this. We are going to talk about how you have this narrative that you never had my love the way Gellert did, even though neither you nor I ‘noticed’ anything being missing _for years_. This has always been about the infidelity. I didn’t cheat you out of anything before Gellert came back, which must mean that there was not some part of my heart _missing_ , as you could not stop saying at the end. If I had never slept with Gellert we still would be together, with _neither_ of us needing anything more than the _perfection_ we had.”

“Gah!!!” Theseus shouted, slamming the door in Albus’ face. Less than a minute had passed before Albus appeared in the living room.  
“Albus! What the fuck?! The wards shouldn’t allow –“  
“Well, I’m Albus Fucking Dumbledore, aren’t I? Greatest Fucking Wizard alive, blah blah blah. I _noticed_ the anti-apparition wards, and I have been respecting them before now, but if I want to ignore them, I will, and we _are_ going to talk about this.”  
“No we are not.”

“Theseus. I’m not sure how you think it is helping to have this notion that your entire adult life was a lie.”  
Because if Albus was right, then he had lost _even more_ , and it was hard enough to bear when he was telling himself that their end was inevitable – a flaw hidden in their relationship from the beginning. The idea that it really had been perfect, that it really could have been forever…  
“Stop, Albus.”  
“You are the best thing that ever happened to me. You. Not Gellert. That’s another question you could have asked.”

“We’re picking this apart now? Almost a decade later?”  
“I didn’t have the distance I needed…”  
“Distance is right!”  
“And I hadn’t caught on to this story that you’ve been telling yourself.”  
Albus was not stopping. This had to stop.  
“Oh? And when is the last time you slept with him, Albus?”

“Is that the question you care about? You and I could have slept together the night we met at the Aristophanes, but we chose not to, because sex with you has always _meant something_. Would you rather it was something compulsive that I felt ashamed of afterwards? Usually I didn’t want to have sex with Gellert even as I was getting ready to go meet him. Part of my brain was overcome with the need to go, while another part was telling me, ‘this is an incredibly bad idea, it is always an incredibly bad idea, just lock yourself in a dungeon instead.’”

Given that he was ‘Albus Fucking Dumbledore,’ Theseus didn’t see how locking himself in a dungeon would have done any good at all.

“I saw that memory. I saw the way you looked at him.”  
“Do you remember how I used to look at you?”  
“You said yourself that I was never going to be everything.”  
“Which is probably a lot healthier than being so consumed in a person that you can’t see _anything_ outside of them. What Gellert and I had that summer was intense, it was intoxicating, and it never would have lasted. Never. Even if we had somehow stayed together. Which never would have happened, because _we were not compatible_.  
“We were both intelligent, we were both ambitious, we had great sex… and we couldn’t agree about anything. We argued constantly, and when things got too heated, we just fucked to cover up the fact that we were never going to come to a resolution. Yes! Gellert was everything to me. Keeping him was more important than keeping hold of myself. I distorted myself for him until even I couldn't recognize myself. Is that the kind of relationship you wanted?”  
“I wanted the kind of relationship where you didn’t run off and fuck another man!” Theseus shouted. 

“It was a compulsion!! I never would have chosen to throw you away! ”  
“You _did_ chose! You were able to fight off being a part of his revolution. On some level you _wanted it_ , Albus! It was _worth the risk_ to you.”  
“I didn't - I didn't - “  
“Do you think it matters why you stick your cock in someone else?! I wanted to believe in what we had! To trust you! To not always wonder when you were going to leave me for a narcissistic, megalomaniacal fuck puppet! Bloody hell, Albus! How is this all my fault?”  
“It’s not... That’s not... That’s not what I’m saying, Theseus, I’m – “

“Mirror of Erised.”  
“Theseus –“  
“What do you see, Albus?”  
“… Gellert. But –“

Theseus vanished Albus’ tongue.  
“Listen here, ‘Albus Fucking Dumbledore.’ I am aware that you can reverse that curse in an instant, but you will have the courtesy to wait until the door of this flat closes behind you. I told you not to come back until you saw something other than Gellert in the Mirror of Erised. _You_ still see him _there_ , so _I_ don’t want to see you _here_.”  
Theseus opened the door and gestured to the hallway.  
“I look forward to not seeing you anytime soon.”

Albus looked sad, and a bit confused. How could he have expected this to go any other way? Once he had walked out, Theseus closed the door behind him, and leaned his forehead against it, too tired to move.  
It was true. Nothing had been missing, up until the night he had been called away by that phony letter from the DMLE. Not one thing. 

**April 1934**

In four years, there had been no word. They had seen each other, of course. Nodded at one another across the room at Ministry events. Even once or twice been pulled unwillingly into conversation with one another by a third party. But there had been no more seeking one another out, no more conversations about anything approaching a personal nature. 

This long silence was the first thing that made the knock on the door unexpected. The other was that Theseus wasn’t even at home. He was on vacation, or hiding, depending on how you looked at it. He was alone in a cottage on a small island that was thought to be uninhabited, protected by a Muggle repelling charm. He hadn’t thought anyone knew how to find him – even Newt. 

Albus. Fucking. Dumbledore. "Greatest Fucking Wizard Alive." Worst Fucking Ex-boyfriend was what he was.

The final reason he was surprised was that he hadn’t expected Albus to ever stop seeing Gellert in the mirror. Had he? Or was he trying to reopen the dialogue _again_ without anything having changed but time passing?  
Theseus was in his mid-40s. It had been almost 30 years since he had graduated from Hogwarts, and he was tired. Tired of politics, tired of people in general, and tired of being jerked around by Albus in particular. 

The only time he had really tried to have a relationship with someone other than Albus, she had been killed in front of him. Reduced to dust. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to try with yet another person. It hadn’t felt fair to invite someone into his half-life – to lie to himself and another person about his ability to trust them. He couldn’t even open himself enough to truly risk wanting someone else. And his growing apathy… no, he wouldn’t wish himself on anyone.  
But having Albus outside his door, he was thinking that remaining single had been a mistake. Right now, having another person to anchor himself in might have made this easier.  
He opened the door.

“Albus.”  
“Can I come in?”  
“No. We can go for a walk. You have appropriate shoes?”  
Albus’ dress shoes transfigured into hiking boots.  
“Now I do.”  
Theseus couldn’t help smiling. “Show off.”  
“Never!” Albus said, mock-offended.  
Theseus took a deep breath and nodded slowly, closing himself back off. “You wait here. I’ll put on my shoes.”

Theseus wasn’t sure that he wanted any part of the island to remind him of Albus, so he apparated them to a stretch of coastline just north of Nyborg. He didn’t go to Fyn very often and had been to this beach only once. He didn’t need to return – he could afford to mark this place with a memory of Albus.  
Albus didn’t seem surprised at all to be transported. Maybe he had finally realized that Theseus wasn’t going to touch him unless he absolutely had to – which in this context could only mean a side-along.

“So,” Albus observed as they walked, “Denmark.”  
Obviously. This did not require a response, so Theseus didn’t offer one.  
“Do you still see Gellert in the mirror?”  
“Not exactly.”  
“Then I don’t exactly know why you are here.”

“I have never seen him as he is now. I thought that I had been seeing him as he once was, and then as I wanted him to be now. And now – now I realize that I never saw him as he had been – I know now that I am seeing him as I once saw his 16-year old self, as my 17-year old self wanted him to be. How I see that boy now... that is not the boy I see in the Mirror. Nothing about what I am seeing in the Mirror is real.”  
“And what is it you see now?”  
“I see a boy who was brilliant and cruel and beautiful and was always going to leave me. I see a boy who I thought was worth burning the world down for, a boy who casually tore me apart, probably without meaning to at first, because I let him. No one – no one is worth breaking everything else for. When I was 17, I wanted to believe that things could be easy – that feeling with such an intensity could absolve me of all responsibility, could spare me any hard decisions, because there was always one right answer - whatever he needed from me, whatever would extend my intoxication. That was – life isn’t like that. I’m embarrassed it took me so long to grow up and stop grieving it - to understand that it was a gain, not a loss, to stop believing that that feeling of losing myself was what I wanted most of all.”

Theseus opened his mouth to respond, but Albus wasn’t done.  
“The Mirror is a trap, an illusion – it makes it look as if what you want might actually exist, and seeing it, believing in it, reinforces that desire. It’s like the blood pact that way. Or, at least, I trapped myself with the blood pact under the influence of an illusion. And the pact reinforced that desire – gave power to something that was _never real_. I would never choose to make the pact today. I don’t want it. I tied myself to a figment of my imagination – to a Gellert who was more important than anything else in all the world. Who was worth giving up my ideals, my family, my ambitions for. So, in a way, I've stopped seeing Gellert in the Mirror, because I've stopped looking in the Mirror at all. It's - dark magic, in a way.”  
That sounded like an improvement. It had taken Albus long enough to puzzle out the nature of the Mirror, but better than never having realized it at all.

“So. You want a dangerous hallucination – a fantasy. You don’t want the real Gellert – and you don’t even want 35-years ago Gellert – not the way you once did. But your blood pact is with the real Gellert, and it is attempting to hold you to him in a way that denies the importance of anything else.”  
Theseus almost added the words, ‘That’s a good start,’ but he held back. He didn’t feel like praising Albus for realizing something so obvious – something that Theseus had known for more than 20 years.  
“Is that right?”  
“That is what I am saying, yes.”

“You had said that to break the blood pact, you had to have something you desire more. That has to be something specific?”  
“Yes.”  
“And does it have to be something real? Something you want that you could actually have?”  
“I have to be doing it, whatever it is, and holding the pact, and thinking, ‘This is more important to me than the blood pact. I want this more.’”  
Albus took the blood pact out of his pocket, and held it in the palm of his hand.

“Albus, I still don’t understand why you are here. You don’t want the blood pact at all anymore, correct? Because it is tying you to a dangerous idea? It is tying you to a person who you never should have wanted in such an all-consuming way. So, almost anything should work to break it. You didn’t have to come here. You skip stones on the Black Lake, you want that more. You sit down with a bowl of ice cream at Fortescue’s, you want that more. It could be almost anything.”  
“True. But what I wanted more than anything else was simply to see you again.”  
As he said these words, the blood pact in his hand disintegrated into a pile of red and silver dust, and Theseus watched as Albus brushed off his hand, letting it fall onto the sand. It was finally gone. He felt – strange. Almost as if he were standing outside of his body. The world became suddenly quiet - all he could hear was his breathing and the pounding of blood in his ears. 

He looked back up to see Albus looking at him intently. This was real. Albus was really here. The blood pact was really gone. He had thought it would be a relief, but he felt a sob welling up in him, and this time he didn’t hold back. Albus tentatively moved closer, and when Theseus didn’t reject the gesture, he moved closer still, wrapping Theseus in his arms and holding him as he wept.  
“Why?” Theseus wailed.  
Why… what? Why – too many things. Why was he crying? Why didn’t he feel better? Why had it taken so long for Albus to break the pact? Why had Albus made such a dangerous bond in the first place? Why had Theseus ever allowed himself to fall in love with this man, of all men? Why couldn’t they get the time back, start over again at the beginning? Why…

“I’m so sorry, Theseus. I will never stop being sorry.”  
Theseus pulled away to look at Albus. He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.  
“I know, but –“  
“But that doesn’t make it any better. I know.”  
Albus pulled out a handkerchief and gently dried Theseus’ tears. Theseus started crying again and took the handkerchief from Albus so that he could blow his nose. 

Albus laid his hand on Theseus’ shoulder.  
“There’s nothing I can do to make it better. I want to, but I can’t.”  
Theseus took a deep breath and nodded. Albus knew his limits. And he wasn't making excuses. That was an improvement, too.

Theseus took Albus’ hand and apparated them back to the beach of his lonely little island. When they got back to his cottage, Theseus noticed that they were still holding hands. He watched his thumb drag slowly over Albus' knuckles. Albus' hand felt right in his own. It had always felt right. He let go of his hand in order to open the door.

Theseus turned around and saw Albus, still standing uncertainly at the bottom of the steps. Theseus considered him for a moment, standing there almost glowing in the filtered sunlight, beautiful but tired, some stray white hairs beginning to show in his beard. A breeze began to pick up - it smelled like it was going to rain soon. He wanted to fix it all in his memory - Albus' velvet forest green jacket, his hair starting to get longer again, hanging almost to his shoulders, the way he was standing with one hip cocked up, all of his weight on his left leg. The sound of the surf and birdsong in the distance.

Theseus smiled as best as he was able, and held out his hand to Albus.  
“Come in. I’ll make us some tea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... remember when Newt brings the blood pact to Albus, and he asks Albus if he thinks he can break it, and Albus looks at it consideringly and then says, "Maybe... maybe." And then it looks like he is going to choke up?
> 
> Well... I think the most common way to read this is that he doesn't know how to break it yet. But in terms of this fic... if he is believing that getting Theseus back is his only hope of breaking it, then the same lines and facial expressions make sense - what he needs to break the pact is so achingly unlikely.
> 
> What I'm saying is... I consider this whole fic to have been canon compliant - it plays within the boundaries, anyway, even if it doesn't do it in the way we usually expect
> 
> Or - canon compliant through FB2 -- I'm sure FB3 will Joss this all to hell.


End file.
